I started drinking like most of us, social and it progressed from there. My final 5 years of drinking I was drinking a 750 to 1.5 liter of Vodka a day.
Ive have owned my own business for over 11 years. I was the classic functioning Alcoholic. I never got what we would call drunk - no slurred speech, etc. I hated getting drunk. I would drink to a point and maintain that feeling throughout the day. However, everything in my world revolved around it. It go so bad that I even started bringing water bottles with juice and vodka around with me everywhere I went.
One day I said to myself, i dont want to do this anymore. Its costing me almost $700.00 a month to drink, and it smell of it all the time, people looked at me like differently. I'm finished with this.
From that moment on its been 1 year and 5 months of sobriety. I have to say the first few weeks sucked, but I didnt shake, no DT's, didnt really have any physical or emotional symptoms.
People can drink around me, i dont want it, dont need it, its as if I never drank.
The sheer volume of what I was drinking and the fact it went with me everywhere makes me believe I was a complete full blown alchoholic. However, with all addictions there is a yerning and want. I don't have this at all. This is what i don't understand. Am I just lucky or is this something thats going to creep up on me in years to come, and I must prepare. Is the monkey on my back just on a temporary vacation?
Hey JOE! (A hENDRIX TUNE i PLAYED A MILLION TIMES!!!)WELCOME
I would suggest getting a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous(BIG BOOK) you can GOOGLE IT online check out the DRS opinion pg..xxviii in the book give you an idea of what we look at in our levels of using(drinking).Also PG 20 THERE IS A SOLUTIONABOUT TYPES OF DRINKERS.... Our 1st Step We admitted we were powerless over alcohol(you say thats not your problem) our lives have become unmanageable(that may bring up some visions?.No one can tell us what we are ,but if you are asking here may be worth your while to investigate little deeper.We always suggest making a meeting,share whats going on,listen to learn,learn to listen and get with others who are also sharing all levels of alcoholism and recovery..If you decide to go further,show up ,get a sponsor and do some work ,see whats going on with you..See ,for me, i COULD STOP FOR AWHILE,BUT i COULDN'T STAY STOPPED ESPECIALLY WHEN I PUT ALCOHOL IN MY SYSTEM, "dazed and confused" Congrats on your sober time.but we do have a solution,a daily reprieve,that keeps us from picking up again.Check it out ,,Let us know how its going...peace..
-- Edited by mikef on Saturday 23rd of July 2011 08:51:24 PM
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Thanks, for sharing your experience with us. I can relate to just about everything you said, especially about the insanity of alcoholism.
I, too was a heavy hitter with some interesting facts to share. I had the "not so" distinct pleasure of walking around like a zombie for years on end, even though I was a functioning alcoholic for many years prior.
My last drunk took me from the comforts of home to the confines of my local jail, just before bedtime. How I got there is beyond me. What I did know was this; my life just took a turn for the worse , all because of alcohol. However, that was then and this is now.
As far as the "pink cloud" sobriety goes, there's no guarantee about that. I found more help through programs like AA than anything else. That's where it all started for me -some 10 years ago, and I haven't looked back since.
Emotional sobriety is the goal here and AA is my forum of choice. They say in AA: "the monkey might be off your back but the circus is still in town". How true...This is why I stay close to recovering alcoholics -via AA, just in case that monkey has second thoughts.
This forum, is a support network that can help you as well. They can guide you through the process of remaining sober in the midst of all we encounter every day. So, I suggest you keep close for now.
Anyway, welcome again to our little family here on "MIP". I suggest you keep connected, either via AA or this forum. Please...keep us updated on how you're doing as well. We'll be here for as long as you need us. We promise...
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 24th of July 2011 01:53:54 AM
I havent had the urge to drink either, but the memory of the pain when I did drink is still fresh in my memory and I know I am only one drink away from going back there. Thats why meetings are important to me, it keeps that memory alive. Check out some meetings and read the Big Book. Meetings help me keep my head screwed on half way straight. You'll meet some really great people there too.
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The smallest of good deeds is greater than the best of intentions.
Anonymous
Sometimes i think Id piss people off if I went to a meeting, because i dont have the bad stories. I was never put in the situations that a lot of alcoholics are put in - to get introuble. Im very lucky, my addiction was very drama free. However, it still has consequences. It cost a boat load a month to drink, my liver was getting fatty and it was controlling my life. So I took the bull by the horns and took back that control.
For me I can never drink again. I have made peice with that. Thats just the way it is.
I look at alcohol as a posion - equivalent to bleach. Drink it and die. That helps.
Sometimes i think Id piss people off if I went to a meeting, because i dont have the bad stories. I was never put in the situations that a lot of alcoholics are put in - to get introuble. Im very lucky, my addiction was very drama free. However, it still has consequences. It cost a boat load a month to drink, my liver was getting fatty and it was controlling my life. So I took the bull by the horns and took back that control.
For me I can never drink again. I have made peice with that. Thats just the way it is.
I look at alcohol as a posion - equivalent to bleach. Drink it and die. That helps.
Thanks
Joe
It aint about the 'war stories" it's about what happens to our insides
after years I don't like the "street level" meetings where guys just wish they had a job or a place as much, I mean I go/have gone to be of service, but I get more out of meetings in wealthy areas because in many cases those people lost their insides, not their outsides, in the cases they -did- lose everything it's a "john Belushi" like story that has you ROLLING in the aisles, or a quiet wealthy lady who you think has nothing in common with you ans when she is telling about her "bottom" in an empty 6 story mansion (because her family all left her) with 2 jags, a mercedes, and a BMW in the driveway, her description of the utter loneliness she/we all suffered ensures there isn't a dry eye in the house
try some meetings, try more then one, shoop around, hit some speaker meetings, you might be pleasantly surprised, I was in my 20's when I stared going and 90% of my friends I still have today I made in those rooms twenty years ago, we all have insanity in common, and I mean that in the most complimentary way possible, sober alcoholics are the coolest, most interesting people in the world, bar none, except for perhaps drunk mensa strippers but thats a story for another time
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
I am new, just 5 days sober (yay!) but there is one thing that I can share that may relate to you.
I thought I didn't have a problem because I didn't drink everyday - I'm a binge drinker. My problem was not that I was craving alcohol - it was that once I started drinking, I was not able to stop. So for me, I was a little worried about going to meetings because they may think I wasn't an "alcoholic" or I was not addicted because I didn't need the drink, I didn't wake up craving that beer in the morning. In other words, I was worried I wouldn't belong because my stories wouldn't be as bad as theirs.
This is what I learned.
The first thing they told me at a meeting (it was a beginner's meeting and they knew I was new) was to try and NOT compare my story or others stories to my experiences. Instead, listen. Listen. And I did. And although my "bad romance" with alcohol did not start the same as the others, there were many things I found in their experiences that I could relate to.
Please don't let the fact that your war stories may not be up to par deflect you from going to a meeting. Try it. As one alcoholic told me "Try it for 90 days. If it doesn't work for you, they promise to return your misery." :)
Joe wrote: "Am I just lucky or is this something thats going to creep up on me in years to come, and I must prepare. Is the monkey on my back just on a temporary vacation?"
Lee writes: Yes---yes---and, yes.
The nature of the disorder is such that there is no cure at this time, it is chronic, and prone to recurrence. Experiences with remission range from no problem going forth (as long as sober, growing and changing) to seemingly hopeless relapse patterns despite doing everything "right".
For me, after double digit sobriety, I have found it can and will creep in and up, and with no rhyme or reason to it, at times. So on a day-to-day basis I need to practice these principles is all my affairs and maintain vigilance.
Joe wrote: "Am I just lucky or is this something thats going to creep up on me in years to come, and I must prepare. Is the monkey on my back just on a temporary vacation?"
Lee writes: Yes---yes---and, yes.
The nature of the disorder is such that there is no cure at this time, it is chronic, and prone to recurrence. Experiences with remission range from no problem going forth (as long as sober, growing and changing) to seemingly hopeless relapse patterns despite doing everything "right".
For me, after double digit sobriety, I have found it can and will creep in and up, and with no rhyme or reason to it, at times. So on a day-to-day basis I need to practice these principles is all my affairs and maintain vigilance.
So the ease in which I can push away the addiction will not always be there and can for some strange reason creep back in to your life if your not prepared.
Correct. BTW nobody will be pissed off or even mildly annoyed because of your lack of drama. Most of us will wish we had gotten off the elevator ride to hell earlier and appreciate you for having done so.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Aloha Joe...and yes the recovery is a 24 hour a day process and has to be as this is a cunning, powerful and baffling disease. For me most of my recovery isn't in my head but in my gut, my instincts because that is where my alcoholism use to live. I drank instinctively, because I could, because it was there, because the whole process was a habit and okay with me. The program is very valueable for me because as sober time evolves I get to learn more and understand more about my life with and without alcohol. I never used the word "functioning" or the word "alcoholic" together. I just didn't know what they mean't together. I also didn't know why my skin color was a yellowish/green urine color was either and had two made up reasons for it...neither being reality. My skin color went to natural 5 years after I stopped drinking and was in 12 step recovery. I would not reach AA formally until I was alcohol free for 9 years in another program. I attend and am active in local AA for the reason that I am powerless over a return of the compulsion to drink again or a relapse. Those who reviewed my alcoholism assessment told me that "who ever belongs to this assessment needs to be in inpatient recovery immediately or the next time they drink they die." I was alcohol free for 9 years at that point and the compulsions to drink again would come again later. Thank God for them and the way it has worked out. I was never convinced of being alcoholic once I could say "alcoholic" and understand what it mean't. I didn't believe I had lost anything or if I did enough of anything because of my drinking. I had escaped alot of the negative consequences that other alcoholics had and then had consequences of my own that many other alcoholics hadn't had. When I stopped drinking (and not because of this) I could not drink without getting a hangover first...I was very toxic; that is why my skin was green.
So this might not help you understand your self much more other than to say that there isn't a patent pending alcoholic however many the similarities and do look at the similarities. Also "more will be revealed" in time as you continue to keep coming back; attend meetings, follow the suggestions, get a sponsor, big book etc etc and of course keep a power much greater than alcohol in your life. You've been charmed, I think, for now.
My very first sponsor always use to say, "Its not what you drink, or how much you drink, its what happens to you when you do drink".
With that being said .. I drank everything I could get my hands on after the first few. I rarely would stick to the same brand. and I could rarely stop after the first drink .. I would drink till I was comatose and still standin'. And as for what happens to me when I do drink .. well, It was bad. Jail, dui's, fights, broken bones and lots more. But the worse I guess would have to be that alcoholic depresssion that only an alcoholic can relate to.
I did not drink every day, and my drinking was/is not like many other members of AA that I know.
But one very important thing I do know .. and that is that I am a real alcoholic the way our book describes. And when I stay open minded and receptive, I learn much at the meetings.
I also know some ppl who have just stopped drinking, cold turkey. For whatever reason, some are similiar to yours CDnerd. But I can tell you that those ppl did not do anything to replace the hole that the booze filled in them and they are miserable!
For me ... no program, no hope. Without Alcoholics Anonymous, I might as well be drunk.
