So i woke up this morning confused how I had gotten into my room, I was waiting for some people to go to a bar last night that never showed up.. looks like I didn't need there help anyways.
My story is i'm 27 I lost the love of my life whom i lived with for 4 years because I couldn't stop drinking. 2 months ago I totalled my car and sent myself to the hospital. I was driving home after a huge party the next afternoon sipping on a bottle of whiskey as I was driving. Luckly i didn't kill myself. and by the grace of god the cop didn't charge me with DUI I have no idea why not i guess my tolerence has gotten to such a level that I appeared sober or sobered up really fast.
lately I've been going down the same path over and over agian. I'm appolging to friends about my drinking. new girlfriend is concerened about my drinking. i'm just spinning the same wheels. I even almost missed my job interview this morning because I was hung over and didn't have an alarm set.
I looked out my kitchen window this morning and I noticed the beer bottles i was drinking where thrown out the window. I'm a smart guy and i've lived as a professional artist for 2 year, which has allowed me to carry out this life style virutally undeteced, by friends and family since i have no schedual.
one of the reasons why i am looking for work. Its hard being alone at my new place.
but the drinking just has to stop. just has too. I am breaking up with alcohol it has done so much damage to my own life ... and i'm sick of it.
i just looked back at my old posts and i've been posting online here for over a year at different times. unbelievable .. ( of the reason why its bad that i threw the beer out the window is I live on the top floor of a small apartment building)
Hello and Welcome back JOHNNY The 1st thing that struck me was 2nd line of your bio..I do not want to ban alcohol from my body but just drink responsible and be in control of it!!
I am now praying that you have gone out for "more lessons" in what an alcoholic "can't do! When you truly accept defeat in "trying to control"make an admission and truly surrender,and lose the thoughts of that premise of being in control it will be virtually impossible if you are truly alcoholic to "drink a little" I aint seen it yet!!..You will have to find out where you fit in the picture starting with a journey into the BIG BOOK(AlcoholicsAnonymous(can google it online)Read up ,be honest if you want to experiment even further take the 10 day test...go to a bar have 2 drinks ,leave and go home,do it for ten days ,if you can do that you may be at a different level with your drinking situation.I know for me, I could stop for awhile(not once I started though) ,but couldnt stay stopped,the alcohol triggered that thing in me and it was scrape off the floor time, or where am I NOW ,ALWAYS!! We always have same suggestions,make a meeting,let them know whats going on,find a sponsor quickly to help you understand all the terminology and help you find yourself. We suggest 90 meetings in 90 days if 90 seems like too much make a meeting a day and the 90 will take care of itself.get a sponsor to help you understand whats going on and hopefully get you into our solution"the steps" because the substance"alcohol" is really only the tip of the iceberg,but abstinence has to come first. If alcohol was my only problem .i would have been cured after the obsession and compulsion was lifted many cups of coffee ago..More will definitely be revealed.Get a support team and use them.You can break up with alcohol but you have to get involved with the"exact nature" of whats going on with you,its an inside job.........Glad your here,take that last year ,instill it in your mind and see no matter how much you experiment you always end up throwing bottles out the window.We are here for each other, join us today for the ride of your life, gonna take some work but if you look at honesty are you now not a "piece of work" I know I certainly was and still can be when I veer off the path of that "fit spiritual condition..Hope to hear more from ya!!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I can relate to your situation and how deflated you feel. I, too felt the same way, especially after numerous relapses myself. I became a revolving door member of AA for so many years, and for good reason. I couldn't get a grip on my alcoholism for the life of me. When I finally came to terms with my alcoholism -first and foremost, everything else fell into place as expected.
My alcoholism affected everyone and everything, especially relationships. So, it came as no surprise that my personal life continued to spiral out of control, time and time again, with no end in sight. It took many years and numerous relapses before I actually sobered up. When I did, those perplexing feelings and hurtful relationships, slowly but steadily improved -over time.
Prolonged alcoholism can cause many of us to suffer, far beyond the obvious of course. My alcoholism did just that. What was the primary cause of my problems? My inability to stay sober for any length of time. I only had a small window of opportunity to sober up, because my disease would trip me up, over and over again. My last run was the lowest bottom yet. A bottom I wouldn't wish on my most hated adversary. That was the day my life took a turn for the worst, all because of my drinking. My life would still be in peril today, if it wasn't for divine intervention. For that, I'm immensely grateful.
The road to recovery started the day after my last relapse. I hope yours does as well. So, what happened??? I was introduced into the fold of recovery services that day, which started the ball rolling again. My "addiction counselor" (Tom) was my first glimpse at "real" recovery. He not only became my first sponsor but a good friend as well. He gave me some much need insight on this disease and recovery as a whole. He was a good friend for so many years and someone to be admired. I haven't regretted staying sober one day ever since. AA has filled in the rest of the puzzle and life -as I know it, has been extremely rewarding for over 10 years now.
I hope you find rest for your weary soul and begin the process of recovering from this debilitating disease -one day at time. We will be here to support you every step of the way. We promise...
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 22nd of July 2011 11:59:57 PM
Hey Mandm, welcome back. Getting sick and tired of being sick and tired is, typically, a prerequisite for "being ready to do whatever it takes to get sober". It's an awesome task, with an awesome reward, Life.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 22nd of July 2011 09:51:59 PM
thanks everyone for the support. I didn't drink yesterday, I even went to a bar with some friends and didn't drink. I know the worse thing I could do on day one is go to a bar but it was successful. I woke up this morning feeling great, I'm finding my self sweating alot i'm not sure if its just the heat or maybe a little bit of withdrawl symptoms. I slept ok as well which was surprising. Going to hit the gym this morning to work off some of the extra energy i'm feeling.
And I am getting sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don't like the drunk mandm anymore.. we are no longer friends. lol
I think I will hit up one of those meeting in my area I think it would be very good for me.
