Things between me and my partner are at an alltime low just now, I love this Lady very much, we have been together for nearly 2 years now, i realise she is still very angry with me, ive been in trouble with the police arrested 7 times through drinking, most of her family dont speak to her, ive spent her money to get booze, before that i split up with my x partner of 16 years,and my 2 children both now teenagers who i dont see atall.
my partner left for work this morning, and we are hardly speaking, im terrified that the damage ive done is going to end our relationship even though im sober for 40 days + i cant undo everything or make amends in such a short time, i dont want to drink again but im feeling very overwhelmed.
I'm Dan and I'm an alcoholic. Got any AA friends yet, (or better yet, a sponsor) that you can call? I can help to get youself busy just talking to someone else until the feeling passes.
Your mind is a tricky thing, and can convince you of things that are not always parallel to the real truth. Very hard to really know what's going on in the heads of others, even those closest to you. I do know that there are some folks that I was sure had given up on me. I realized that the one person I had to make this sobriety work for was me, however, and so I had to keep trying. I was surprised to find that, as others started seeing that I was serious about making changes, (and amends), some that I thought would never believe in me again are starting to change in the way that they treat me!
I found that one of the things they were waiting for, was for me to get past the longest stretch of time that I had managed to stay sober in the past, before I always went back to my old alcoholic a..hole self.
I don't know what your beliefs are, as far as a higher power, but I believe that when we have a large group of people pray for us, no matter what religion, it has an impact on our outcome. I will add my positive thoughts to others for your success, your peace, and your sobriety.
I have learned (quickly) that it will take a lot of time for my son to BELIEVE I am truly working the AA program and that I am changing. He doesn't trust me, and he has excellent reasons. All I can do is what I can do, one day at the time, to earn his trust and respect.
Hang in there. As suggested, call your sponsor, get with some other AA's and pray.
Love and Hugs
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Hey Badger, Doll and Dan have said what you need to hear, I have some questions. How many AA meetings are you attending a week, a day? Do you have that sponsor they talked about? Do you have a list of people in AA you can call, day or night? Are you reading the Big Book and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions? And last but not least, what step are you working on today? I'm working steps 1,10,11, and 12.I have gone to 3 meetings this week , and will go to 2 more before the week is over.
When people are first trying to get sober, it is suggested they go to 90 meetings in 90 days. That helps you to get a solid foundation under your feet, it helps the fog lift, it gets you out of your own head. I'm glad you are here posting, sharing your feelings.
If you've read any of my other post you probably already know about my husband who is in jail. Well, just like your partner, I don't trust him, but all I have control over is me and my actions. I can not change him, so I have to allow him to become who he needs to be, allow him to follow his path. So, I choose to work my program,somedays it's hard to face everyone, because once again things didn't work out as planned. I know today, my God has a plan, I will seek His will. I know part of that plan is for me to be clean and sober.
I will be praying for you also Badger, you can do this , it's a one day at a time deal.
Hi Badger, Both you and the other Brit (Des) are welcome to phone if you need to talk anytime. I found in the really early days of sobriety, talking to a total stranger helps because they can offer advise without judging you as a result of knowing you.
If I'm out, just leave a message on callminder and I'll get back to you.
0161-432-6430
Best wishes
Chris.
Ps: If my Fiencee Julie answers just ask for Chris. (She's not an Alkie)
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
badger, hang in there!!! 40 days??? GREAT!!!! i remember when i couldn't go two days w/o my *numbing medicine* my prayers for peace/ strength and serenity go to you and your partner......rosie
Thankyou very much for all your kind words an support, I got through yesterday, by the skin of my teeth, mainly by sayin the serenity prayer over an over, had a heart to heart with my partner, we are back on track, basically poor communication on my part an me gettin panicky about everything thinking oh my God its all to much where do i start..that kinda thing, then the sod it why bother its all to late to fix it now stuff ran through my head...
Ive just got in from a meeting ..first one in a week yep ive been makin excuses not to go...tonights chapter was The family afterwards..k just what i needed to hear..each time i go to a meeting what i need to hear is on offer, I believe this is curtasy of my higher power, still everytime it happens i get a little feeling of unease...
once again thankyou for being here i am still in the game for another day.
