I have been a member of AA for more years than I care to remember. The longest period of sobriety was 7 years. In the last six months I haven't had more than four days sober. I can't do this anymore but also don't know how I can stop. I so badly want to do my steps - I never did them before but don't even really know how to do them...I know there are lots of you that know exactly how I am feeling and would appreciate any help with how to stay away from that first drink. My life is chaotic and I can't live another day like this
Welcome glad you are reaching out..Yes our goal is recovery through our steps worked with a sponsor and not mere abstinence..As you can see we can put down the substance for awhile but our lives are still riddled with the disease.The progression of recovery is a continuous uphill journey and without effort we start our slide down that hill again BUT, the progression of the disease is ongoing even during abstinence! I would highly suggest getting to a meeting ,let the group know you need a sponsor,dont use and "get to work"!!You have to be ready to come to an emotional acceptance of utter defeat not just verbally but in your heart and want this bad enough to do whatever it takes...Just for Today,you begin your "new way of life"If you become a member of ALL SPORT and dont work out or a member of a swimming team and don't go in the water,yes you may be a member but you certainly arent gaining the benefits of your membership(in this case its your life)Make that decision today,you know about the tools,pick em up,apply them in your life and yes it will still rain at times,but you won't have to use over it cause you'll have your toolbox close by.....Let us hear how your doing okay......peace.
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
You know some or most of what you need to do or you would have never had those 7 years sober. It seems insurmountable right now because 1. You are still under the grips of active alcoholism and 2. You are depressed. The tools are at your disposal in AA. The program works and your relapse does not mean you are a failure or the program is a failure. Get up on that sobriety horse and start riding. Use the relapse as a kick upstairs instead of downstairs. If you stayed sober for 7 years off AA fellowship and meetings alone, just imagine what might happen after you do the steps and then work the steps into your daily life....
So, I don't think you need the tips. You sound just kind of defeated and like you could use encouragement. You just took the first step, now take the next step and build up your AA program. 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, call that person daily, start working the steps. I'm thinking that once you get back into meetings and the fellowship and when you get a sponsor, you will feel a lot of relief. Remember, you don't have to do any of this alone. It wouldn't hurt to start praying also :)
Praying for you,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
One of the great things about AA is that we can all get back to basics. We can start right from the beginning and fix it up again. Nobody in AA can judge you, because in effect we all start again every morning. There are no newcomers in AA or oldtimers for that matter. There are definitely elder statesmen. We respect them for carrying the experience of AA. The AA book is the authority for every alcoholic to recover. It's got the combined experience of the 1st one hundred people, who wrote the book. We just have to use it. There are no special skills. One type of alcoholic is not better or superior to the other. This has been my experience & I thank my sponsors who made me work the steps from the book & not allow me to lean on them at all.
You said that we know how you feel. In actual fact we don't really know how you feel, because only you will know whether you are an alcoholic or not. The subsequent actions of an alcoholic are not clear cut indicators of alcoholism.
When we STOP, then we got to START. What that means is that when we STOP drinking alcohol, we have got to START on the steps of recovery. Please do not squander this opportunity. Find a good sponsor & start working the steps.
I love butterflys...Sooo small so fragile and sooo able to get back home even in the strongest of winds. They have good memories also ... they can find their way home all of the time...amazing.
Yes you can when you let go of the fear and the doubt and go back into the rooms thru the front door and start the practice as a good sponsor and the fellowship openly shows.
You didn't say "I won't" you said "I can't continue this way" And you ended with "I can!!" The hard part is now...taking yourself back into the fellowship and moving away from alcohol...one day and one step at a time.
You are not alone...ever...I'm glad you got here and we can do this together. Call the AA hotline in your area if you don't know where and when the meetings are and get to the first one you can for today and then come back here and share it with us and "we can" continue from there. ((((hugs))))
Everyone I know in AA who has long-term sobriety keeps it by reaching out to newcomers, sponsoring others, and doing service (and by continuing to work the steps). You can't get to that place until you get a sponsor and work the steps yourself. You can do it -- you are certainly a strong person with inner resources if you stayed sober for 7 years!
1. Step 1: Start going to the same meetings every week. Even if you don't do 90/90, aim for at least 3-4 meetings a week. 2. Go early and stay late, speak up as much as you can during discussion, so you can get to know some of the people in the meeting. 3. When you identify a couple of people who have what you want, approach one of them after a meeting and ask him/her to be your sponsor. You can do it and they will be flattered! 4. If that person is not able to take on another sponsee, ask a different person. Keep going until you get a sponsor. 5. The sponsor will start taking you through the steps. Just put one foot in front of the other and listen to what he/she tells you. 6. You will be amazed before you are halfway through!
You can do it. Start today. Four days is a terrific time to start on your fifth day of sobriety.
Thank you all so much for the encouragement. I did not drink last night but got into bed early and read my big book instead. Am off to a meeting tonight:)
I hear your cries, "BF1" and feel your pain. I know it's the last thing anyone wants to hear, especially with all the struggles you're going through, but it does improve -we promise.
I remember how I felt -early on in my sobriety- and how overwhelming everything seemed. I suffered endlessly until one day I said "enough".
The day I was introduced to my "Mental Hygienist:" was my first day without regret. She not only helped me overcome those horrible fears I was accustomed too, but gave me some much needed insight on dealing with life beyond my inhibitions. Basically...she helped ease my temperment as I adjusted into my new way of life. If you want to explore other options -which I suggest you do, than this might be another avenue of exploration, beyond the scope of AA, that may benefit you "hundred fold"-over time.
Professionals in the substance abuse field have great insights on staying sober as well and may provide you with some much needed answers when need be. Tom, the "addiction counselor" and also my first sponsor, helped me immensely, especially in early sobriety. The can help you develop a sober routine that can stand the test of time, beyond the scope of AA. The life lessons they provide are valuable tools for any recovering alcoholic and may help you as well -one day at a time.
AA -as you know- is a staple as well, and will always be my first option when things go awry. Nothing can replace my sober network -here and now, as they prepare me for the pitfalls in life. They say in "AA": "when the going gets tough, the tough get going". How true...and now I understand why. AA has been tough as nails through it all -thank God. Here's the dilemma though: Knowing the benefits of this wonderful program is one thing, but developing a sober routine that includes partnering in with other recovering alcoholics-especially in early sobriety, is another. So, Get connected and get busy...
The rest has been etched in a "one day at a time" philosophy that has been a blessing ever since. I hope you're able to stay sober long enough to realize your God given potential. A potential that can renew our resolve and reshape our destiny. There is still a measure of hope in every recovering alcoholic's story and we hope your story line will have a happy ending as well.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Thursday 14th of July 2011 03:12:11 AM
An article at <removed> says that alcoholism is a vicious cycle that affects not only you but the people who love you. I suggest that you seek professional help or join a group(AA). It will be easier if there is someone or a group(AA) who will really assist you and strengthen your determination to be sober.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 5th of August 2011 08:13:36 AM
Hi butterflys! Welcome to Miracles In Progress! Many think of this name as the name of a web site or a recovery home I have put together, but to the contrary, it is an identifier for those who come here. WE are Miracles In Progress. Your post is a very clear indicator that you are most definetely qualified to carry this identification. That being said, work on simply making some progress each day... starting today.
You may need to seek out a detox facility to get you started on that part of the journey. No, I didn't say you may need to go to detox, but simply work towards some progress...seek out where you'd go for detox. Maybe, just maybe talk to someone over the phone about it and see what options are available. One step at a time... 1. Pray and ask the God of your own understanding to give you the courage and strength to change the things you can today. 2. pick up the phone book, call a detox center... and find out what options are available to you. 3. Find a local meeting, and get to it. 4. Let someone there know you are considering going into detox.... without a doubt they will support you as you make this decision for yourself.
One step at a time, start moving in the direction of sobriety. It is yours, you have a right to live a life of peace, serenity and connectedness to the world around you. All that we have to do is become willing to participate in the process, ... put one foot in front of the other, take one step at a time, and trust that the process will unfold.
Working the steps is vital, but let's work on first things first here...getting sober, getting a sponsor, getting a home group... and then start the step working with your sponsor.
I venture to say you have already taken step 1. When you signed on to this board, you were admitting that you were powerless over alcohol and that your life was unmanagable, and coming here also says clearly that you do believe there is a Power greater than yourself that could help restore you to sanity... (collectively there is probably several hundreds of years of sobriety on this board, and that is definetely a power greater than yourself...)
Now step three... make a decision.... to turn your life and your will over to the care of God as you understand Him and step out on faith....
That you can do this thing... it is not reserved for a select few...
This thing called "recovery" has your name on it too...
One of the great things about AA is that we can all get back to basics. We can start right from the beginning and fix it up again. Nobody in AA can judge you, because in effect we all start again every morning. There are no newcomers in AA or oldtimers for that matter. There are definitely elder statesmen. We respect them for carrying the experience of AA. The AA book is the authority for every alcoholic to recover. It's got the combined experience of the 1st one hundred people, who wrote the book. We just have to use it. There are no special skills. One type of alcoholic is not better or superior to the other. This has been my experience & I thank my sponsors who made me work the steps from the book & not allow me to lean on them at all.
You said that we know how you feel. In actual fact we don't really know how you feel, because only you will know whether you are an alcoholic or not. The subsequent actions of an alcoholic are not clear cut indicators of alcoholism.
When we STOP, then we got to START. What that means is that when we STOP drinking alcohol, we have got to START on the steps of recovery. Please do not squander this opportunity. Find a good sponsor & start working the steps.
I needed to hear this, thank you! Teresa, here, alcoholic and sober today! When I stopped drinking back in 1988, I was ready for the steps. Got sober in a group where the steps and the big book were the focus of the meeting topics (thank God!) I've been to meetings where the topic is/was "how did your day go" or something to that affect. I am an alcoholic, which means I need to hear about recovery and how you all do that on a daily basis. My sponsor told me "we don't dump our trash in the AA meetings, we can do that one on one, if need be..." Recovery = big book + meetings + steps + HP + action + whatever else the individual alcoholic can incorporate into their daily programs. Thanks for reading! Teresa
