I've been observing people who seem to drink the same way that I do yet experience none of the guilt, remorse or shame that I do and I've come to a conclusion. They just don't care, they aren't hypersensitive suckholes who feel so darn bad about every little thing that happens. They seem to be able to accept life's imperfections and aren't bothered all that much by what other people think. I admire that.
Starting today there is a new me, from this day forward I will never again allow guilt to dominate my life. From this day on I dont give a rats ass what anyone thinks of me, strong people don't need the approval of others. From this day on if I want to drink I'll drink...no more apologies...no more beating myself up...I'm going enjoy life on my terms. I used to be this way, I used to have confidence, I used to feel good. I don't know what happened or how I let myself become the sniveling whiner that I have but it's over now. I'm back.
Toodles!
Sincerely, TipsyMcStagger
PS. I wish you all another 24 and hope you all find what you're looking for.
Well, Tipsy thanks for the farewell. I hope you find what you are looking for , if you ever need us some of us will still be here.
You know, I know some of those people who drink with no remorse, guilt, shame. They drink, say exactly what they want to say, do whatever makes them feel good at the moment, and to Hell with whoever gets in their way.
As I've said before, my husband was convicted of felony DUI, spent a year in jail and half-way house. Came back to town, started drinking and is on his way back to a state treatment facility.
He doesn't have a problem with alcohol,everyone else has the problem. He's been in and out of AA for 18 years, always held down a job, made a decent wage.He has basically lost everything, our 19 year old son,told him as far as he was concerned he doesn't have a Dad. Our daughter won't allow anyone to tell our grand-daughter where her Grandpa is and she is wondering, one minute he's here, the next minute he's gone.Life on life terms, but we do effect others the way we choose to live our lifes.
So, if you check back in , let us know what's going on, maybe we can help, or at least listen.
For me, it wasn't the amount of alcohol I drank, or how often, it was the remorse, guilt and all out gut wrenching shame I felt afterwards that is what makes me an alcoholic. I could no longer control those! Sure, I used to could drink and not have those feelings, but alcoholism is progressive. I believe that even if I could somehow just have one drink today and stop, I'd still experience the guilt and shame. It wasn't so much what OTHERS thought of me it was what I thought of myself.
I have friends that drink twice as much as I did, twice as often and don't have those feelings, however they are not alcoholics. I hope I never have to add "yet" to the end of that sentence.
Good luck to you Tipsy.
I wish you well.
Love and Hugs
Doll
-- Edited by Doll at 15:12, 2005-10-12
__________________
* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Yupper. That old ego, and false pride, and the fear of having people, getting to know, how we really feel inside, can really put the denial walls up hu?
Keep fighting, there, Tip, my man--when you get enough bruises, on your butt, and get a bit honest, and humble, inside. Wele be here with open arms waiting for yu.
Been there and done that. I just keep hoping you make it back here. A lot dont.
-- Edited by Phil at 14:36, 2005-10-12
__________________
Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Recovery is not for the faint of heart, it's not for boys or girls it's for Men and Women who have lived a little and Want something better in their lives. There's an old saying "There's lies, there's damm lies and there's statistics. For any 10 newcomers that get their 30 day chip only 1 will be around to get a year. I've been around for a little while and I attend a large Friday night meeting and from my observations that's about the way it is. It's tragic but it's been that ways since the beginning and no one can say with certainty who going to make and who's going to fall. Thank you God for keeping me sober one more day. Bob.
__________________
Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
Wow, you're all so wise...hopefully I'll be as wise as you when I drink my life down the shitter and have no where else to turn but AA. I bet working a program is much easier when you have absolutely no alternative because you've phucked everything up so badly huh?
Oh wait, I have a crazy idea! Why don't I deal with whatever is troubling me and causing me to drink excessively now, before I ruin my life? Hey that's a great idea! I'll do it!
Well, see,, there is true guilt and false guilt. True guilt is when we really have done something destructive , counter-productive , wrong.. the guilt tells us that, so we will turn around and correct ourselves.. true guilt is not for punishment but just so we will change and improve what we are doing, or not doing. False guilt is a trip people put on us, or we put on ourselves towards condemnation... like we , or they, or s/he should be punished and doesn't deserve our love anymore for some real or imagined offense.
If you have been feeling guilt about what you have or have not been doing,, then look and see if it needs to be changed, and if it does, never mind punishment, just change and improve it,, including overdrinking.
I agree that AA shouldn't be a place where failures just come together to be failures together, drunk or sober. I don't say at meetings, "Hello, I'm amanda, and I'm an alcoholic".. but I say, "Hello, I'm amanda and a gratefully recovering alcoholic", and I don't work your Steps, I work mine,, and I do work them, all of them.
Have you tried a few face to face meetings in your area? You will find all kinds.. jive turkeys, despairing people in a revolving door, and people who are really miracles of recovery who share their experience , Strenght , hope,, and daily struggles.
take care man,
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
