If it were me I would simply tell her that you are NOT your family and can't speak for them. I would also be honest with them and tell them exactly how it's making you feel. It seems to me that anyone with any kind of real recovery would understand your honesty and frankness in the situation. Remind the person that if the conversation doesn't involve recovery it's not a conversation you're willing to have. I'm a counselor at a D/A rehab, so I know how hard it can be to set up healthy boundaries. I always try to remember that I need to protect myself and the anonymity of others. If all else fails, forget about offending her and tell her "it's none of your business" and leave it at that. As far as tolerating it, you shouldn't have to if your not prepared to or want to. My sponsor always tells me to pray for those who aren't "on the same page" as me. Hard to do but always seems to help in the long run. Good luck...

Brian

 

 

Some people, members and non-members alike can "get off" on drama however my program is my program and I manage it to the consequences I want in my life.  "Simplest is best for me and traditions always."

I gotta always watch "my part" in the situation...always.    ((((hugs))))

I had an experience with an "inquisitive" member... in my case, she would innocently ask how I was doing and after I told her, she would dump all kinds of unsolicited advice on me. In the beginning of the relationship, I thought, okay, listening probably won't hurt me. But it continued, so I began to say, "Thanks but I already talked to my sponsor about this and she thinks I am doing fine"... to which, she would disagree!!!! She seemed to justify herself by reminding me of how long she's been in the program. Last time I spoke with her, I was abrupt on the phone, I had to tell her it was none of her business. I haven't heard much from her since.

My first sponsor taught me that some people will only hear you when you say," F*ck off!!" They simply are incapable of hearing anything more subtle. I never want it to come to that, because I hate being confrontational... codependent stuff....

In this case with my friend, my current sponsor told me to look at it as my friends way of self-avoidance, avoiding her own work, choosing instead to focus on me.... and that made sense. Also helped me to feel some compassion toward her because.......... I do that too sometimes.

Good luck ((Marie))

In fairness she seems to have taken it on board and backed off with the intrusive questions. I do feel it is self-avoidance on her part and I am now able to feel compassion towards her for this but at the same time am relieved that I am able to set boundaries with this. My family had to go through a lot with my drinking and though things are not easy I feel very lucky that they are still with me. Unsolicited advice does not sit well with me on these issues.

Ditto...