I'm going to my first meeting at 11:00 tommorow. If I decide that I want to continue going, what will be expected of me? Will I be required to do the 12 steps if I want to keep going?
Also, I have concerns that a group where all everyone does is talk about drinking is just going to make me dwell on drinking. I've stopped and re-started sevral times over the years on my own, once for five and a half months, and there was never a day when it wasn't at the forefront of my mind.
My withdrawl symptoms are worse than they've ever been. From what I can glean from my research, they're still fairly mild compared to what I could be experiencing, but I'm worried I won't be able to stop next time, or that I will try to and have a DT or something.
I'm looking at what I wrote just now, and I'm noticing I structure my sentences better when I'm drunk. I'm a writer
Sit and listen at the start mostly. Nobody will make you do anything. I'd suggest that you talk and listen to older members and take what you can from their experiences.
I'm not sure why you wouldn't want to work the steps - they work, but that is for you to figure out, I guess.
Just sit down with an open mind and listen. Nobody will bite.
I'm here, I obviously have issues with co-dependency, so It's obvious in my mind that what will naturally start to happen is I'll become co-dependent on this group of people. I think I have a fair assumption. I know a guy who hasn't drank in 25 years, and he still goes to meetings. Granted, he probably helps people, but come on! Why is he still labeling himself a deviant after that long?
AA isn't something you do until your "fixed" There is no cure for our disease, and our only treatment (as far as AA goes) are meetings. 25 days or 25 years...it's what keeps us from picking up. As far as what will be expected of you, the answer is nothing. Like frodo said, just sit and listen. Meetings aren't "question and answer sessions", that's saved for one on one chat after the meeting. Just let them know your new and have no idea what's going on and you'll get all the help they have to offer.
Brian
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
I had many issues when I came to AA, but the one I had to deal with urgently was my alcoholism. Once I dealt with that my sponsor helped me with many of the other issues that were troubling me. My experience has taught me that AA with it's 12 step program covered nearly all my troubles. Today I go to meetings for one reason only- to meet with my many friends I have in AA and make new ones. If at one time my social life was stunted, it has grown to such tremendous proportions because of AA. I joined this forum more than a year ago & I have not met anyone personally, because I live in South Africa but I have made many close friends here, because we have so much in common.
Persona, just because the "problem never qoes away" doesn't mean that the obsession stays. I haven't had a real desire to drink, since I reached 6 months sober (and finished my 5th step), and that was in 1990. The obsession was removed by a power qreater than myself. I prayed for this to happen, and it did. Our disease is three fold, mental, physical, and spiritual. The drinkinq was but a symptom of our core issues. We have zero chance of resolvinq these core issues while we are drinkinq. Sobriety, besides savinq our life, is just the entrance fee to our proqram, so that we can qet to the bottom of our problems. Best of luck in your new journey!
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 26th of June 2011 08:51:53 AM
When I got here I didnt want to do the work, but wanted to get sober, soon I started doing the work (12 steps) to stay sober. I guess I wanted to be sober more then I wanted to be drunk. That was almost 7yrs ago. It works if u work it. Wagon
Hey persona, haven't had a chance to say hi yet, so hi. Glad that you're here. May be a bit late in the day but I'd like to offer some of my own experience with AA meetings.
As said above, nothing will be expected of you. You don't even need to throw any money in the hat if you don't want to, though it's a real help to the group if you.
The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. You don't need to work the steps, though for this alcoholic, doing so has been the only thing that has kept me sober. Trust me, I've tried everything, including reminding myself of the ol "If I don't take that first drink, I won't get drunk" and getting to meetings without working the steps. Didn't work for me.
Best thing to do is listen and maybe if you're asked to share, say why you're there. I didn't say very much for my first couple of months of meetings, other than introducing myself, but that's not a hard and fast rule.
Chances are, you will also find that you are not alone, and if you look for the similarities, you'd find a lot of people with experience similar to yours.
maybe a better question is what do you expect from going to meetings?
you will get exactly as much out of AA as you put in, and one thing we learn is "half measures avail us nothing"
so it's up to you, you want what we have, do what we did, want what you have (years of drunkeness with repeated failed attempts at sobriety) keep doing things your way, up to you really
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
I think it's interesting that people are often focused on what they will "have to do" in AA and whether or not someone "still has to go to meetings."
I go to meetings because they help me stay sober but, more importantly, I like going. I often get the chance to help people by offering support, and I get to see the many lovely people I've built a community with. We're all busy, and it's nice to be able to see 5 or 10 of your friends all in one place :). It also gives me the opportunity to take an hour and focus on my mental state, my 12-step work, and anything that's been bothering me. Finally, it's a chance to meet new people with whom I already have at least one thing in common!
Well, I went, and it was...okay. Some of these people are pretty articulate about the cause and their problem. Made me pretty emotional just to be in the room. I didn't want to cry, and then have people feel the need to comfort me. I was pretty convinced that just by the fact that I was going meant I was 100% ready to deal with myself, but I realized there's a lot of work to be done. I've called myself an alcoholic before, but it was harder to do it there than anywhere else, even though everyone in the room said it. Strange. I will go again.
LinBaba, what I expect to get from meetings is to find out how to not relapse anymore. And which of my personal issues is the strongest factor in why I drank to excess to begin with.
Crash course in alcoholism and people with alcoholism: it is a disorder and we are not "deviants". We don't cause it, control it, or cure it. If we are so blessed as to permit ourselves to engage in the suggested program of recovery known as A.A., many of us find a way of living that not only stops the disease in its tracks, but enables us to grow and change in powerful (healthy) ways, to the benefit of ourselves and everyone around us.
Pre-assumptions, searches for the "underlying" problem, and a bad case of the "Yeah, but...s" don't serve us very well. Thank heavens we can come to meetings and be surrounded with so much "expertise" in relapse prevention!
I'm sorry, but I don't completely buy that. I don't know what it's like for everyone, but I stopped myself, and for my own reasons. I just know I will start back without help of some kind, based on my past re-lapses.
I can relate so much to your post and how apprehensive you are about recovery programs. I too had many reservations myself about AA and recovery programs as a whole. I couldn't understand why I kept relapsing, time and time again, even though I had a good working knowledge of the program and its benefits. I got a sponsor, worked the steps and did service calls when need be, but something was still missing, a void in my life that went unnoticed through it all. I became so frustrated and disconnected that I set myself for failure -once again. This cat and mouse game continued until I finally said..."enough".
I always resisted the idea of recovery through AA for reasons to unusual to mention...I have to say. The program laid it out nicely for me and gave me a shed of hope to cling on too for so many years. That should have been the thread that held everything together, but it started to unravel right before my eyes -once again. This caused me to suffer another relapse and the shame that went along with it. I guess my argumentative nature wants me to nit-pick and find fault with "AA", which caused me to question everything I read or observed. After all it was written by and for people who have managed to do what I haven't done in over 30 years of drinking. Remain sober...
So, it's pretty arrogant of me to find fault somewhere else besides myself, which was my "MO" for so long. The first time I took a good look at myself from another perspective -My alcoholic one, was the first time my alcoholism actually stood out. I couldn't bully myself out of that argument -thank God, and the last ten years of my life has been filled with so many blessings that only dreams are made of -thanks be to God and AA. I had to step back, let go of my intellectual self sufficiency and become willing to do what was recommended. That was my epiphany and what I needed to go through before I accepted my powerlessness. We hope you stick around long enough to do so yourself and become another miracle through the grace of God and this sober network, here and now -ODAAT.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 27th of June 2011 02:21:50 AM
I'm going to my first meeting at 11:00 tommorow. If I decide that I want to continue going, what will be expected of me?
Nothing.
It's nice if you don't vomit on anyone, or throw chairs or have loud incoherant outbursts, and even if you do we'll let you back in when you stop. You may be asked to introduce yourself. If you don't want to introduce yourself say "No, thank you".
Will I be required to do the 12 steps if I want to keep going?
NO. You will probably decide to do the 12 steps if you want to feel better and stay sober. You don't have to.
Also, I have concerns that a group where all everyone does is talk about drinking is just going to make me dwell on drinking.
There are hundreds of thousands of AA groups. If the group you are going to just talks about drinking, go to a different group. The purpose of a group is to talk about the solution to drinking: The program (12 steps) of AA.
I've stopped and re-started sevral times over the years on my own, once for five and a half months, and there was never a day when it wasn't at the forefront of my mind.
Er, that's pretty much a self diagnosis. Here's why:
A) people that are non-alcoholics don't really stop drinking. Unless (and you'll laugh but it's true - they forget to drink. It just doesn't come up for them. Weird.)
B) Drinking at the forefront of one's mind is known in AA as a "mental obsession" (coined by William James). Non-alcoholics don't obsess about drink. Definition of Alcoholism is a physical allergy of the body coupled with an obsession of the mind. Good News: Sobriety=Spiritual Awakening=Relief from Obsession. The "allergy" stays with you, but the obsession goes. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but it goes usually by step 7.
Moi? Haven't obsessed since the second I got sober. 25 years. This is a program that works in tough going.
My withdrawl symptoms are worse than they've ever been.
Yes, it is progressive.
From what I can glean from my research, they're still fairly mild compared to what I could be experiencing,
Yes, the disease will progress (if you drink or not), and it will always get worse.
but I'm worried I won't be able to stop next time,
You may not be able to. Sorry. We bury a lot of people. That's why some of us (ok, me) are cranky about people that pick up drinking again. Drinking doesn't mean you will be able to stop again. And then we get to bury you.
or that I will try to and have a DT or something.
Sooner or later Dt's will happen if you keep drinking and then stop. It is a step in the progression of alcoholism. That "something" you consider can range from DT's to Death. At some point alcoholics drink not for the fun of it but to delay withdrawal symptoms like the DT's. Shaky if you don't drink? Already there. Sorry.
I'm looking at what I wrote just now, and I'm noticing I structure my sentences better when I'm drunk. I'm a writer
While this may be true, (and who am I to say it isn't), think of it this way: right now you are unlikely at your perky best. Give it six months and work all the steps. Because every day your alcoholism is progressing.
-- Edited by Rainspa on Monday 27th of June 2011 12:57:55 PM
What was expected of me when I first went? Behave...don't cause a ruckus, don't yell, scream, cuss, disrespect others or throw things around. I sat still bit my tongue and tried not to look so pissed off that they felt threatened. They didn't lock the door and I didn't leave. When you're new you don't know anything about it. What eventually worked for me as a requirement when I really got into recovery and that was not from insides the rooms of AA at first but the Al-Anon Family groups, came from the culture I was born in...which said to the youngsters...Sit down, listen, don't ask questions (least successful for me) and practice what the elders were doing.
We all come with our own baggage, rules, perceptions and personalities...When I really wanted to change I ended up doing what others had done that got them what I eventually wanted. I didn't just want to quit I could do that from time to time dependent upon all kinds of conditions. I wanted to stop dependent upon just one condition I wanted a sober life...one devoid of mind and mood altering chemicals where I could reasonably relate and socialize with others in the world around me and be invited to do that and one that I could actually manage without outside authority. I'm not expected to like everything or everyone or fulfill the expectations of people because I like to don't like them. Eventually I become accepted for being supportive to the program of sobriety for myself and others. Eventually I let go of control, become a part of and an instrument of a Power Greater than myself.
When you get into service to the fellowship ask the expectation question again.
hmmm... I was once told that going to 12 step support group meetings and not working the 12 steps was like going to the gym but not doing any excerises.
In reality, I went to meetings and nothing was expected of me, until I expressed a willingness to take the next step... and then those that heard of my willingness held me to it... with love.
I'm here, I obviously have issues with co-dependency, so It's obvious in my mind that what will naturally start to happen is I'll become co-dependent on this group of people. I think I have a fair assumption. I know a guy who hasn't drank in 25 years, and he still goes to meetings. Granted, he probably helps people, but come on! Why is he still labeling himself a deviant after that long?
We learn who we really are. We are still alcoholic, but the label doesn't matter anymore...we are who we are and have turned our weakness into our biggest strength.
I asked the same thing 26 years ago. Just give time, time.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I'm here, I obviously have issues with co-dependency, so It's obvious in my mind that what will naturally start to happen is I'll become co-dependent on this group of people. I think I have a fair assumption.
Have you seen "An Idiot Abroad'? Carl Pilkington doesn't want to go to China because they might make him eat toads. And if he eats toads, then he might like toads and then he will have to come home to England, a non-toad eating country, and he won't be able to get his favorite toad dish. I did not make that up.
I know a guy who hasn't drank in 25 years, and he still goes to meetings.
I know a guy who has had Diabetes since he was a kid. Still uses insulin.
Granted, he probably helps people, but come on!
If this is bothersome, just do it for today and see what happens.
Why is he still labeling himself a deviant after that long?
He isn't. He isn't labeling himself and he isn't a deviant.
(Well, maybe he is a deviant, I don't know him, but that's a separate issue. Who knows what he does in his free time.)
He has a disease (even the AMA says so). A progressive disease (like diabetes), and one that can be arrested.
If you want, you can stop the progression of your alcoholism. Unfortunately, no one can do it for you.
