I have observed many new people come to the board recently. First of all I want to welcome you. We are a fellowship of people who have lost the ability to control our drinking. Please read the Alcoholics Anonymous book so that you can diagnose yourself properly. Once you have done that then you can embark on a program of recovery contained in the same book. On this forum you can share in a general way about issues concerning the illness of alcoholism, and some of us will, help you to better understand & thus recover from this disease.
Have an open mind. Take what you can & discard anything you cannot reconcile with the book.
Gonee wrote "Have an open mind. Take what you can & discard anything you cannot reconcile with the book."
I like this. I have never cared for "Take what you like and leave the rest", which is quite a different statement.
The first is helpful to my sobriety-the second is not. When I pick and choose from the book (program, steps, wisdom in meetings) and leave what I don't care for, I inevitably shortchange myself. And if I do not discard what I hear from others that I cannot reconcile with the book (program/steps/wisdom in meetings) I usually deceive myself. Either way, the first approach strengthens my sobriety and the second weakens it.
What people seem to forget is the value of reconciliation with the book, and the danger of leaving that part out.
Gonee wrote "Have an open mind. Take what you can & discard anything you cannot reconcile with the book."
I like this. I have never cared for "Take what you like and leave the rest", which is quite a different statement.
The first is helpful to my sobriety-the second is not. When I pick and choose from the book (program, steps, wisdom in meetings) and leave what I don't care for, I inevitably shortchange myself. And if I do not discard what I hear from others that I cannot reconcile with the book (program/steps/wisdom in meetings) I usually deceive myself. Either way, the first approach strengthens my sobriety and the second weakens it.
What people seem to forget is the value of reconciliation with the book, and the danger of leaving that part out.
I agree with you Leeu. I disliked the "taking what you need and leaving the rest here" approach as well. I didn't know what to "take" or what to "leave", especially in early sobriety. I had to "Evaluate" what was being said then compare that to the information provided to me by the "Big Book" or my favorite "the Twelve in Twelve" before rendering a decision.
I had to use a "trial and error" approach as it came to suggestions. I had to incorporate suggestions into my sober routine to test its worthiness. Some suggestions did work, which I use daily -even today, and some suggestions didn't. I do store up some of those suggestions for later use, if need be. But, like you said, I don't disregard what people are saying or ignore their suggestions because of personal reasons; I take it all in, then incorporate what is being said into my routine to test its effectiveness and stay open minded to any suggestions in the future -as always. Thanks to both of you for the input. Great thread...thanks everyone once again for sharing.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 26th of June 2011 12:13:41 AM
So, do everything this "book" says, written by a person who has never met you, disregarding things you know about yourself that words on a page can never know? I'll read the book, but that just sounds foolish to me. And completely giving yourself over to a thing, without asking a whole lot of questions? That sounds exactly like what I'm trying to get away from.
I'm not trying to be some perfect person here. I'm just trying not to die.
-- Edited by Goodbye Persona on Sunday 26th of June 2011 02:31:08 AM
So, do everything this "book" says, written by a person who has never met you, disregarding things you know about yourself that words on a page can never know? I'll read the book, but that just sounds foolish to me. And completely giving yourself over to a thing, without asking a whole lot of questions? That sounds exactly like what I'm trying to get away from.
I'm not trying to be some perfect person here. I'm just trying not to die.
-- Edited by Goodbye Persona on Sunday 26th of June 2011 02:31:08 AM
In actual fact, the 1st 164 pages, ask so many questions about myself. It's a text book. Perhaps like a math text book. I used the principles in the book & I got well. The book is also there to prevent false information. It's no ordinary book. I was also sceptical in the beginning but after my 1st relapse, I began to study the book & use it's principles. What you are saying is correct, & I encourage you to always think like that but have an open mind to AA. It works.
The book is sounding better than my assumption of it. I will give it a chance. I'm sorry to have such a chip on my shoulder. Hoping that showing some personality will help people help me, and when I get in this room tomorrow, I know listening is going to be the main thing I do. Also it's hard for me not to attempt to express myself when I'm putting words down. And you know, who doesn't come the the AA message board to try and look cool?
Persona, I think that tryinq to look cool definitely fiqured into the reasons why most of us are here. The qood news is that you can be cool, have fun, live life very well, without drinkinq. Ironically alcohol, which we thouqht made us all that we could be, was actually holdinq us back and later holdinq us hostaqe.
So, do everything this "book" says, written by a person who has never met you, disregarding things you know about yourself that words on a page can never know? I'll read the book, but that just sounds foolish to me. And completely giving yourself over to a thing, without asking a whole lot of questions? That sounds exactly like what I'm trying to get away from.
I'm not trying to be some perfect person here. I'm just trying not to die.
-- Edited by Goodbye Persona on Sunday 26th of June 2011 02:31:08 AM
I think questions are great, especially when asked with an open mind and heart. To me the book represents what has worked for other alcoholics and suggestions for me to get what they have. If I saw a new doctor, it would not matter that he never met me before. What matters is that he knows what is wrong with me, based on treating many cases like mine, and how to help me heal. In 25 years of drinking, I have not found a resource yet that equals what The Big Book has to offer if we are willing and ready to hear it. All the best to you. :)
~ vixen
__________________
I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
The book is sounding better than my assumption of it. I will give it a chance. I'm sorry to have such a chip on my shoulder. Hoping that showing some personality will help people help me, and when I get in this room tomorrow, I know listening is going to be the main thing I do. Also it's hard for me not to attempt to express myself when I'm putting words down. And you know, who doesn't come the the AA message board to try and look cool?
I think you are "cool" by asking the questions & challenging the board to answer those questions. That's how we grow. For years I denied myself the privilege of knowing & understanding what's in the Book, because of the untruths preached by people. When I got down to reading & understanding for myself, my life changed significantly. So welcome & please stay, we need people like you.
Hey Persona, I completely understand. It took me a whole to see the value in the book and how it works. For me, my pride made to scoff at a lot of the stuff in the book, and I tried that "take what works and leave the rest." Didn't work for me.
I now see the book for what it is: a manual outlining how a bunch of drunks got sober and stayed that way and which they have shared with me if I'd like to get sober too. I read it every day now and I learn something new from it.
The most valuable thing that the book has taught me is this: the insanity isn't what I do when I'm drunk, it's those thoughts in my head that tell me it's OK to have just one drink, in spite of all of the thousands of episodes providing evidence to the contrary *BUT* that if I do what's suggested in the book and keep doing it, I won't have those thoughts.
Steve, on what you said about "Just one drink." Personally, I have rarely, if ever, set out to drink just one, nor do I set out to blackout. I usually have this idea I'm going to get "Just the right buzz going." I have a very clear idea of that until a little after I start to feel the booze. The best thing that can happen to me in a bar is I run out of money. I have somehow, only been arrested once.
There's a phrase "terminal uniqueness." Many newcomers come in asking the same questions and voicing the same objections you are, so if you listen with an open mind, I'm sure you'll get a lot of your questions an concerns answered.
Persona, I tried AA about 10 years ago, went for about 3 meetings and then didn`t come back for another 8 years. Those weren`t really a very good 8 years, let`s just say that.
What I did that 10 years ago was look for every single, little difference in what people were saying. If someone drank vodka, I thought to myself, nope, I drank beer. If someone said they drank beer, I'd establish it was a different kind of beer. It didn't get me very far. My sponsor says that I wasn't ready, that I just hadn't had enough trouble to get that willingness. He did the same thing before he got sober.
What I had to do is to start listening to the similarities and for that matter, just learn to listen. Today, I'm sober. If I start focusing on the differences again, pretty soon I might not be that way, b/c I might stop working this programme.
