I have a friend that is struggling. I am not his sponsor as he is a long distance buddy and is in NA. From what I can gather, his HP has laid down a red carpet of welcome, but for some reason, he is missing the signs. It really seems like he feels unworthy or even afraid of accepting the help. Its almost like if he accepts the help, he knows he will have to stop "doing it on his own". For any of you who are in this place, embrace the red carpet of welcome. Do not ignore the signs.
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
TG wrote "Its almost like if he accepts the help, he knows he will have to stop "doing it on his own".
That was true for me. As long as I could hang on to anger, fear, self-pity, self-loathing, self-this and self-that, I could remain powerful and arrogant. But I certainly could not claim that I had taken the 2nd step, and certainly not any that followed.
It helped me for people to "share" that I was still stuck on the 1st step, even tho I talked such a good game in early sobriety/clean-time.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend and his dilemma. Your right, intellectual self sufficiency or self sufficiency at all is a roadblock to progress. I had to ask for help on so many different occasions that it became like second nature to me. I could not handle life's struggles on my own because my best thinking got me into trouble time and time again. I had to surrender, then ask for help and follow where my higher power was leading me, before I achieved any success here and now. I hope your friend is finally able to resolve his (HP) issues and ultimately enjoy a more purpose filled sobriety-one day at a time.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 19th of June 2011 09:02:10 PM
While it was also hard for me to give up control one of my major problems with steps 2 and 3 was that after all the bad I had done while I was drinking I didn't feel I deserved God's help and a better life. Once I got over my guilt I did 2 and 3 and the rest is history God does for me what I could never do for myself.
-- Edited by Bob K on Monday 20th of June 2011 05:55:42 AM
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Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.
I am not sure how NA works, but I am concerned his sponsor has not given him the "90 in 90" advice and the "surrender" wisdom. I have communicated that to him repeatedly, but apparently he is doing what "we" do best which is to "cover" for what he wants to do. He is a perfect candidate for recovery because he does have a spiritual side as well as honesty and a modicum of humility. He has a strong family and his HP has done all but grab him by the collar and shaken him. The replies you all have given are proof of the reason this program works. The founders recognized that only those of us who have "walked the path" can really understand what an alcoholic or addict is going through and relate to it for their (and our) recovery. I was the exact same way. I thought I could outsmart the system and I thought God was for "good people". It took me awhile to realize I was a "good person" even though I was being bad. Thanks for the feedback guys!
Tom
-- Edited by turninggrey on Monday 20th of June 2011 01:49:44 PM
__________________
"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
