We are waiting for the funeral. His family had little or nothing to do with him due to his past. He had many years of sobriety and he referred to us as his family. Every meeting seems to come back to our lost member. We all are grateful he died in sobriety. He lived the way he wanted to. He was retired and spent all his time doing service work and working with sponsees. We all realize we miss his physical presence even though we know he is with us in our hearts. He would want us to celebrate his life and continue on with the service work he put his whole heart and soul into. I am having a hard time of course because I talked with him daily several times and spent time with him at the place of our home group. I have made myself go to our home group even though part of me doesnt want to. I know he would want me to go to give support and get support as any family would. Of course there have been conflicts because everyone deals with grief deferently. I am used to that because I have had biological family members die in the past. It does bother me how much I have to push myself to go to our meetings. Sometimese it just feels overwhelming how much we discuss him. I feel as if our whole group is going through a depression. I miss the laughter and light heartedness our group has always had. I really dont have question. Just want to share in case others who read this go through this. We feel extremely grateful he died in sobriety. Thanks, Allie
it's hard to grieve. But it's also necessary. Think of the fellow and what he gave and what you gave to him. And im the future you'll remember him with fondness respect and humour. I've attended meetings im a part of Scotland where they still talk about RSM Wullie with fondness respect and humour and sometimes with a wee tear im the eye and he's been away a long time. But he lives on im the memory of the meeting. It's so vivid that it feels like I knew him and he died before I got sober. Can you envision a better legacy than that? Your guy is loved by his chosen family pm don't shy away from the memory and the grief. Give him a good send off and keep him alive im the fellowship.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
My thoughts and prayers to you Allie and your entire home group. Keep doing what you're doing....keep going to meetings. Isolation is not the answer. Grief is such a difficult process but I have faith that you will get through this.
Thoughts and prayers sent your way. I can relate. Our group went through a similiar situation. The acceptance process takes time. Today; I'm grateful that God put this member in my path prior to his calling. He carried and lived the message of change, hope, God and helping others. He is remembered for: "helping others". He was a Harley rider and died suddenly(Brain Aneurysm) during a group ride on the way home from visiting a friend who helped him get sober. He was doing what he loved to do: riding and being with sober friends. Can't really think of a better way to go. His calling was early, he was only 32.
Thanks for sharing and sorry to hear about the loss of your group member. He died sober while doing God's work helping others. The meetings he went to might focus on the loss for a week or two, but things will soon get back to normal.
AA member passed away last Fall. He was 50 yrs old, a great friend and golf buddy, he had been sober 7 years, the transformation in him was truly a miracle. He was very active in AA and was sponoring several guys, had started working out and eating better a few years ago and was in seemingly very good health.
He was a pretty high level exec, and had lost his job about 1.5 years ago, was going through a divorce all stress elevators, but he seemed calm. He died of a heart attack in his sleep at the apartment some of us helped him move to when he moved out of the house.
I was one of the first people his wife called after they found him, we went to the apartment to get some belongings from his unit and car. I was relieved to see his watch and 24 hr book on the consel in his car, he had no idea he was leaving the earth and his head was in the right place.
I was honored to be there to help his wife, sons and help those he sposored. We don't feel sorry for us, even though he was one of my best friends, we don't put a question mark where God puts a period, we try to be of service where possible.
We live in a transient suburb of ATL, almost everyone is from somewhere else, most people in the area have few family and friends. Many from his large Irsih Catholic family came from parts of the Mid-West for the services. They where amazed at the number of friends, about 200, all from the program, at the service. I looked around and I was amazed, no Church, work or club associates, just true friends from the rooms. All where true friends with Jim and we where all true friends with each other.
The promises had come true for Jim, and he was working to help others achieve them. Yes, he made a positive difference in the lives of others. What a gift we have been given.
-- Edited by Rob84 on Wednesday 1st of June 2011 11:56:29 PM
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
