The other day on the radio I heard a story about a Catholic priest in Melbourne in the '50's and '60's who was one of the first progressive priests of the time. He wasn't interested in doctrine or even what religion you followed as he saw them all a different paths to the same end. What he wanted to do was (in his own words) "release the giant inside a person". The fellas on the radio said they weren't quite sure what he meant by that but I think I do because it's what I am trying to do.
I think what I am trying to do is to reach enlightenment. I never expect to get there as I don't think a human ever can but I think you can have moments where you achive a "state of grace" and those moments happen more often the longer I stick with the program. They are pretty damn good when they happen though. I'm not just happier when they do - I am happiest. Sometimes they only last for a short while and other times they last a week or so but when they are there I am free of worry and fear about the future, regret and sadness about the past and the present is something that I walk through with the blind assurance of a sleepwalker.
That is what I think they mean when they say it will get better, and what the old timers mean when they say they will only finally be done with the program when the coffin lid shuts.
Anyway, even if I'm missing the mark and putting words in people's mouths I'm going to stick with this idea because I really like it and I think that it is something very worthwhile to aim for.
Dang, you are a really good orange!! I relate to the "STATE OF GRACE", which I more and more often feel blessed to recognize and appreciate in my humble, human self and my journey as a recovered alkie/addict in this tuff, tuff world. Thanks for the topic.
When I read your post, I thought of the giant... and how Higher power is BIGGER than the giant, right? Thank you for the reminder. I thought of you when I read this from Hazelden:
The Enemy Within
Why do we self-destruct? The problem of evil has been with us ever since the serpent tempted Eve to eat the apple. We often feel at war internally, one self fighting another self.
There are forces that would have us abandon our program, and usually we find the temptation coming from within. We become careless, bored, lackadaisical in our efforts. Instead of disciplining ourselves to further spiritual growth, we rest on our oars and then wonder why we are drifting downstream!
Sane, healthy living requires that we acknowledge our spiritual needs. When our Higher Power is in control, we work for emotional and spiritual growth as well as physical satisfaction. Instead of being divided internally, we are integrated. The enemy within is subdued in the only way possible - by God's power.
When I read your post, I thought of the giant... and how Higher power is BIGGER than the giant, right?
I took the original quote to mean that the giant was that higher power or that a higher power was needed to help release it.
What I do know is that I can't do it consciously. I can make a concious effort to rid myself of the self, but something else seems to kick it to another level where it is possible to just 'be' without all the rest of the clutter that usually sits in my head. It doesn't get to that level all, or even most, of the time. Usually I am just at a very content level if I can shed the self (if I remember to do it - geez old habits die hard and it usually takes someone to push my buttons for me to remember there is a better way), and contented feeling is great - I would take that any day of the week, but sometimes it smashes through that and not only am I content but I know - know - everything is going to be fine. Everything. Forever. The universe is doing exactly what it should and that it is good. That is the 'state of grace'. It lasts as long as it wants to and then it slips away leaving a bitter sweet sensation as I miss it terribly but at the same time I am very, very greatful that I experienced it for even a moment.
That's just my experience on things and I am fully aware I could well still be insane but somehow I think it is real. Something feels so right and so familiar about it, and it gets better the longer I am sober.
In any event it is a beautiful feeling that leaves me stronger and better for knowing it.
