I attended my first meeting last night and the stories told there were both sad and moving. One in particular stuck home with me was a lady there as she called herself a codependent with her husband in a rehab clinic for the first time and her struggles. This meant something to me about what Im doing to my wife. My wife is very supportive and I appreciate it. There was truly a mix bag of people that attended the meeting and that was comforting. The one problem I had was I really struggle with public speaking and that might keep me from wanting to attend another. How do these online meetings work as far as formatting and could I just sit back and observe one?
I've never done an online meeting so I can't speak to that. But PLEASE don't let a fear of public speaking stop you from attending meetings. First, there are different types, like speaker meetings where no speaking is necessary. You should try different types of meetings as each have a different purpose and you might find you like some (and the people) more than others -- Big Book meetings, Step meetings, Beginners meetings, Back to Basics, etc. In addition, once you get comfortable I'm confident this fear will leave you or at the very least, be very tolerable. Remember, you are around a bunch of people who have the same problem and you are not judged. I think you'll find a sense of comfort there. I just don't think anything can replace physical contact with ther alcoholics. Plus you'll need a sponsor to help you work the steps (IMO the most critical piece of recovery where the life change occurs) and meetings are where you will find one.
wAY TO GO cHAD!! Yes you can go to step metings,discussions etc.You dont have to share if you dont want to but you can listen to learn and learn to listen.We eventually come to realize that is is 'not about us" but our message we carry.I used to take failing grades in school when it came to oral reports(from an A student to less but i was frightened to death, would turn red and my ears would ring and i couldnt remember anything......We must remember just because we put down the substance doesnt mean we become public orators.or stand up comedians or spiritual Guru's.bUT A SIMPLE HONESt MESSAGE OF RECOVERY FROM ADDICTION ALWAYS RINGS TRUE, dONT let THE ILLNESS WHISPER IN YOUR EAR.Keep coming,we all need you....peace
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Good for you for attending a meeting, don't worry about "public speaking" as in don't put the cart before the horse, we -ALL- have a fear of "public speaking" -ESPECIALLY- when we are new, I mean I shouldn't speak for everyone so I will just say I have never met anyone who -didn't- have a fear of public speaking....so don't
Just go listen, that is how we start, then it's funny, you go then one day you see your hand shoot up, you get called on, and this voice comes out of your mouth, like it's not even you, truth comes pouring out and there is this trememndous sense of relief and you meant to say one thing but all this other stuff like....comes out the side of your neck and you're like OMG who is this and what is he saying
The disease of alcoholism centers in our mind, that means our "thinker", that little voice in our head is in active cahoots with keeping us drinking, and the forms it takes are -CLEVER-, that is why we call alcoholism cunning, baffling and powerful, it uses many things, such as "I don't want to go to meetings because I have a fear of public speaking" when no one has even asked us to speak, or it will try to make us so uncomfortable, or put us in so much pain that taking a drink seems like the only option
What we say about alcoholism and early recovery is our minds are like bad neighborhoods, it's best if we don't go there alone, for me I had to learn stop listening to what that little voice in my head was telling, because let's look at the facts, it is the thing that got me in this mess to begin with, and start taking suggestions from others who have beaten this foul disease, like do 90 meetings in 90 days, and get a sponsor, and work the steps, and then help others, some folks NEVER speak publicly, and thats OK, speaking publicly isn't one of the cornerstones of recovery, sometimes however, most times, but not all we get comfortable enough to share whats going on with us at group level in a group we attend regularly and feel comfortable in, what I did was find some -small- meetings and "practice" sharing there in a venue I felt comfortable in before I started sharing at large groups, but it's not "required", that's just what I did
Please keep coming back, the recovery rate for alcoholism is appallingly low, and alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease and all the alcohol and alcohol related deaths is one of the #1 killers in the country today, not to mention the twisted and distorted lives of the drinkers and everyone around him/her, it's an ugly ugly thing, don't let it ruin your life, you do what is suggested by AA and you never have to drink again, you don't and you don't necessarily have that choice, an alcoholic is someone who has lost the power of choice in drink, because that little voice in our head tells us it's OK to drink even when all evidence is to the contrary, alcoholism gives one the ability to look down on others even if the alcoholic is face down in a puddle of urine, it's truly a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease, don't let it take you down
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Hi Chad. When called upon at a meeting you can always pass if you're uncomfortable. Or you can say, "Hi, I'm Chad, I'm an alcoholic and I just want to listen today." You are welcome whether you wish to speak or not. Probably at first you will get the most out of just listening without worrying about what you will say when called upon. So put that worry out of your head and just enjoy listening. :) When you feel ready to share you will know it. Another thing I do, because I have quite a bit of anxiety about public speaking, is pray before the meeting and ask God to remove my fear of speaking and help speak through me if I am called upon. This seems to help me relax so I am able to hear the message.
Best wishes! Keep coming back, it works if you work it- and you are worth it! Heather
If I read your first post, this meeting you attended was thru your church and not an AA meeting. Congratulations on start of a whole new life!! There are many types of AA meetings as the others posted above me. I was told in the beginning to go and listen and LEARN!!! I didnt know a thing about alcoholism or recovery. You will be amazed that in time as you learn you will be more confident and ready to speak and help the new person who comes in to recover. Keep up the good work and sit and listen until YOU feel comfortable.
Chad, there are so many different typese of meetings. There are many you could go to where the chances of you speaking are slim. Of course you can always pass when asked to share. Rarely if ever is there pressure to speak. Eventually, you will hopefully want to share and it's not so much public speaking when you are comfortable, it then just becomes talking... Don't search for reasons to not go to meetings...The disease of alcoholism likes to find excuses to keep us away from recovery. KEEP IT UP! The hardest thing is just getting to the first meeting.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Meeting makers make it...Those were the words of my sponsor as he told me early on about the importance of maintaining a comfort level and we do that by attending meeting. He said and I'm quoting here: The principles of recovery gave me some much needed insight on my maladies and the possible cures and the fellowship of AA keeps me comfortable and in good spirits. How true...Keep up the good work and never give up hope; because there's still hope in every alcoholics story and your message, even though in an infancy stage right now, might be the words the next suffering alcoholic needs to set them on the road to recovery. So, hang in there and keep close, as we inspire each other to do the same -one day at a time.
Hi Chad, so happy you're here. I, too, am extremely uncomfortable speaking in front of people. I'm a newbie in recovery and I can tell you that I probably went to 100+ meetings before I uttered anything than "pass". I found (and still find) much comfort in going to speaker meetings. Especially when I need a meeting but am not in a mood to verbalize anything. I'm still much more comfortable listening and learning. There is just SO much knowledge and insight you can get from meetings. At least I do. There's just something so powerful about being with others who understand. As everyone has already said, don't fret so much about your fear. You'll know when you're ready to speak. Just keep going to meetings!
Hi Chad. Do not shy away from the meetings. It's the best therapy I have ever known. When all else fails, I found that working with another alcoholic was the best thing for me. You will not want to miss the opportunity. Gonee.
Chad, the door to the AA meeting that led me to the path of sobriety must have weighed about three tons and I was almost pissing myself scared when I was asked if I wanted to speak. Fortunately, I had nowhere else to go, so I kept coming back...and I am sober today. Only b/c of AA.
Every AA meeting I have ever been to says that you can pass if you don't feel like sharing or reading.
So, don't let a fear of public speaking steal the gift the sobriety from you.
As an added note, there is a very famous and rich writer of crime novels who gives among the best book readings around at the moment. I paid to see him do it. He came into AA from living on the streets and said that AA helped him to become the public speaker he is today. I thought that was pretty cool.
