hello, i am new to this website, i just wonder if someone cud help me. i hav been drinking now for nearly 20 yrs,never had any problem with it. about 4 yra s ago a big trauma happened in my life.since then every time i binge drink i get heavily depressed, crying all day non stop, with anxiety attacks and i dont know why,its scaring me.all my thought are negative ,its making my life misery. am i losing it?
i just dont want to stop drinking cause i like it. i may be 6 or 10 days without a drink but then i will binge drink for 5 or more and then its when trouble starts
Welcome to the board. I know EXACTLY how you feel...I felt the same way. I mean, EXACTLY the same way! I also had the overwhelming urge to kill myself (and tried 3 times) along with all the other stuff. Imagine how ecstatic I was to discover that it was ALL caused by alcohol. When I quit drinking, started going to meetings, and working the steps it all went away. It took some time, and allot of hard work, but today it is all gone. So the good news is, no, I don't think your "losing it". I do, however, suggest you take a very close look at your drinking habits, and consider giving it up. I don't understand how you can describe how you feel when you go out on a bender, then in the very next sentence say you don't want to give it up because you like it. Part of our disease is the insanity it causes, and to me (just my opinion) saying you hate the way it makes you feel but like doing it seems pretty insane. You'll hear lots of good stuff here, but I have a hunch your not going to like much of it. Part of our recovery is honesty, and you will get that here, so try and keep an open mind and see if your story matches anyone else's here. Good luck...
Brian
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
no dont get me wrong klaatu, i really appreciate your help and yes i am considering quiting,. what scares me is of not being sociable anymnore. i am a bit of a loner and drinking helps me when i invite pepople to my hse for barbqs.
i am worrie dthat if i give it up completely i wont want anybody around.
for example now in august my uncle and family come and stay at my hse for 2 weeks, we chat drink all nights. i dont see myself entertaining being sober, i wudnt be so sociable. i cook every single nite and we drink red wine.
It is said "when the pain outweighs the pleasure" we can move toward putting the drink down ,making an honest admission and surrender.Recovery begins with surrender.Remember it is also an active change in our ideas and attitudes that moves us forward..One of the hardest things I had to do was stay in the day,not project of how could I continue to hang out with "friends",I played in a band everybody used,I was afraid of life without the substance.Once I was able to put down the drink I could find out what the "exact nature' was really going on with me.. People,playgrounds and playthings had to be adjusted if I was going to live.Once the obsession /compulsion was lifted(and that will happen) I had to learn to function without blocking out what I didnt want to face.(personal responsibility)I could always stop and I focused on the "stopping" not the using.I could not "stay stopped"until the tape wound all the way to the end and there were only 2 options,continue on to the end jails ,institutions ,deriliction or death or find a new way to live.Coming to believe .was the restoration to my sanity ,applying spiritual principles taught through our program guided by my God(your own concept,dont let the God thing scare you)showed me that new way to live,a day at a time.Admission,surrender,powerlessness,addiction,unmanageability,obsession/compulsion reservations all part of the awareness that brings us to "the beginning of healing"There is a solution,it is freely given,takes some work but you will never find a better way to live by working an honest program.Cmon in from the devastation,we are here for each other,no big I's or little U's ,just one helping another in a loving and caring manner.. Hope to hear back from ya!!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
You will find every excuse in the world to not stop until you have truly had enough. How bad does the depression and anxiety have to get before you consider it more important than being sociable with your relatives? You just flat out stated you need alcohol to function in a family setting. That is not normal and definitely a sign of a problem. Furthermore, are you a social butterfly now? How much is alcohol really solving any of your problems. Alcohol has you convinced you like it because you are ADDICTED to it. Take a step back and think. Alcohol is owning you.
I know all that sounds very harsh and you might not be ready to hear it or accept it. I just pray that you really do because alcoholism is no joke and it can and will kill you one way or another. It leads to jails, institutions, or death. There is a much better life out there in sobriety.
Do not think I don't empathize cuz I certainly do. I passed through a stage where I knew I had a serious problem with alcohol but was still not ready to stop either. I thought drinking to oblivion was a good time out from depression and anxiety. I did not recognize they feuled the depression and anxiety. You are already ahead of the game in acknowledging that.
Prayers for you,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Don't give up on yourself -not just yet, there's still a glimmer of hope in every alcoholics story. What your going through can be reversed, only when the psychic change -that's necessary- does occur. You need to Remind yourself that there are people out there who have similar backgrounds and choose to self medicate by drinking at certain times -like you do, but now rely on support networks -like AA and this forum "MIP"- to help guard against the next drink -one day at a time. Remind yourself of how precious life really is, and to never take our next breath for granted.
This principle, that AA teaches, helped ease my pain over the years and might ease yours as well, so here goes: "The pains of drinking had to come before sobriety and emotional turmoil before serenity" -how true. Allow yourself the opportunity to talk with a certified professional or addiction counselor about your choices, in hopes of recovering from the pains of drinking -one day at a time. AA and this forum can help guide you through the process of recovery and become the support network that recovering alcoholics -like yourself- need, to achieve lasting sobriety. You can start your journey towards purposeful living and with the help of your higher power, this forum and the voice of AA; achieve lasting "sober" memories -one day at a time.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 17th of May 2011 11:59:26 PM
I first thing to do would be to start going to meetings and get into recovery. If the anxiety and depression persist, get some medical/Psyc attention. Many of us have had similar experiences.
Keep coming back!
Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Hello Years ago now I got recovered memories of being abused as a child. I was in therapy for a year and still drinking. I got into AA and kept up the therapy. I suffered panic attacks both when drinking and sober. I used to use the booze to feel safe and as an anesthetic. It did not help me really, it is very depressive- the affect it has on the body, making depression worse. It made things worse. I certainly made the anxiety attacks worse, the morning after drinking I would feel doom and dread, and really messed up mentally. It made my mental health problems worse not better. I did get sober and thankfully have not had a drink for a while. When I first stopped it was very hard, because feelings came up painful ones and I wasn't drowning them out any more. It was tough for quite a while but i did get wonderful days, and the good days got more and more. I still can get the odd anxiety attack but its not as bad as before by a long shot. I am more sociable now sober than I was when drinking. I have more friends and have a better relationship with my loved ones. I know longer feel shame for my behaviour the night before, i dont have to worry about things i might have done when drunk. I am much freer and happier. I am very glad I am sober, life is tough but it is a lot better, amazingly better being sober.
Right now I have very difficult decisions to make, and tend to feel like whatever I do is going to be wrong. But if I was drinking I really would be making myself, and others suffer. I would be hurting my loved ones very much. I have to remeber this, because staying sober even when I want to run away is the most important thing and everything else good follows that. If I drink I make my life worse and worse and worse.
AAman. It's kinda sim'le. If thepain id big enough, you'll stop and stay stopped by working the programme as detailed in the first 164 pages of the big book, finding a God of your own understanding and being honest. You have a choice. Go to AA meetings, listen and try to identify, go to lot's and different ones, ask for help. Or go out and drink until you're sure about it, until the pain is so great that you have the gift of desperation.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
"every time i binge drink i get heavily depressed, crying all day non stop, with anxiety attacks and i dont know why,its scaring me.all my thought are negative ,its making my life misery. am i losing it?
i just dont want to stop drinking cause i like it." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah, that sounds fun...NOT! I'm glad to hear it's no better out there than when I was out drinking and drugging, and was completely miserable. Like you, it got to the "This isn't fun anymore" place and I so identify with the hopelessness, the feeling that I can't stop, but can't continue going on this way. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and the reality is, it gets worse and worse. Things won't get better.
There is a solution. Millions have recovered by following the principles of AA. Working the steps, reading the Big Book, sponsorship, attending meetings...all of these things work. The urge to drink will be lifted. You will know inner peace, joy, a freedom from uselessness and self pity. Life long resentments, anger, fear will dissipate. Relationships with family and friends will be restored. I experienced all of these promises, and more. Life today is amazing. I no longer struggle with a perpetual sense of doom and gloom, depression and anxiety. It is simple, but not easy. All it takes is a little bit of willingness.
Step One is: Admitted that you are powerless over alcohol and your life has become unmanageable. Sounds like exactly where you are at. If you decide you want what we have, you are going to have to do what we have done. I encourage you to go to an AA meeting and listen for commonalities, not differences. Be open minded and receptive to hearing what people have to share of their experience, strength, and hope.
You can do this! Give it a try. If you are not fully satisfied, your misery can be refunded to you, 100%. Best wishes!
