It feels weird to do this but I think that Ive got some issues and need to get rid of them.
I am a stay-at-home mom of two kids who are 14 months apart.My daughter just turned two in March and my little guy will be one next week.
I was very depressed during my pregnancy with my son and also had post-partum depression.He wasnt planned and I was really concerned about the fact that my kids were so close together and was worried that I wouldnt be able to meet their needs.
I have ADHD which has been an added struggle.I take meds for it on and off.
About a week or two after giving birth to my son, I started to drink quite a bit.Probably because it sort of made me feel like I could cope with things better.
Nobody knows the extent to which Ive been drinking not even my husband.We will have alcohol together during the weekend but he has no clue how much I drink during the days when hes at work.I hide the bottles from him, etc.
I've been waking up every night worrying about this and how it's affecting my health and my life - especially my kids. I still take them for walks and am a very hands-on mom but I want to be healthy for them.
Hello Storm! I am glad you are 'coming in from the storm"..There is a 20 question test you can take for yourself on Google(alcoholism test) show you a few of your symptoms and some awareness of whats going on with you help you make some decisions... ..Our 1st STEP talks of powerlessness over alcohol(sneaking,makes you feel like you can cope,fear of people finding out,etc)unmanageability,waking at night and worrying,obsessive/compulsive thinking and actions etc. Only you can decide if you are alcoholic but AA offers a solution not only to arresting our illness of active using, but also a set of spriritual principles that will definitely show you a new way to live dealing with the mental and spirtual issues of our illness.You see we do suffer physically,mentally and spiritually.Our suggestions are always the same,find a meeting,show up,listen to learn,share if you can,listen for a sponsor and get into our solution.I can totally identify with how difficult it may be with fears of family "finding out" and all that comes with that but this illness don't play. If this disease takes a "firm grip" what others think will be the least of your dilemma....We are glad you made a first step by coming here, continue moving forward,a step,day at a time,and like I said earlier,"come on in before the Storm really picks up!!! We are here for each other...Hope to hear back from you...
-- Edited by mikef on Monday 16th of May 2011 11:34:47 AM
-- Edited by mikef on Monday 16th of May 2011 08:50:24 PM
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Welcome! The first step toward solving a problem is admitting you have one.
Your story is not unusual. People have stereotypes about what an "alcoholic" is supposed to look like, but the reality is that most of us are just like you and me. We lead what look like "normal" lives but we have lost control of our drinking and usually need support from others to stop.
Why not check out an AA meeting? I always think that women's meetings are best. You may decide that AA is not for you, but I'll bet it would be helpful to just get out and talk to some people who have been through similar situations. I see that you are in Canada, here is where you can find a meeting there: http://www.aacanada.com/cdnmeetings.html
I experienced similar frustrations, 10 years ago, after losing my everyday battle with this disease. A void in my life went missing, that day, so did the insanity as well- thank God. I never really missed the insane impulse to drink anymore, but the lingering doubts of "what to do next" became more and more of a struggle -early on.
Why can't I drink responsibly? I declared, time and time again, hoping to get a clearer picture of my reasoning and its motives. WhenI finally took a good look at myself, the more my alcoholism stood out. I'd never really experienced any lasting joy, in sobriety, until "I let go absolutely". I had to be willing to "let go and let God"-instead.
One of my greatest concerns was the prospect of dealing with "Life on Life's" terms void of alcohol. When the trials and tribulations of life would rear its ugly head, there would be no possibility in dealing with those frustrations other than drinking -so I thought. Eventually, I was able to acquire the tools that were necessary to maintain a comfortable sobriety -thanks in part to AA and a good support network including this forum.
Keep the momentum going, Storm, as you trod through the process of sobering up -one day at a time. It is not always easy, but necessary -so be willing. AA and forums like this one, will be your support network and guide you the process every step of the way -we promise.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 17th of May 2011 12:35:27 AM
If you keep drinking it will slowly or sometimes quickly take over your life, your children will become secondary and you probably wont notice. Thats when your Husband will know. Go to meetings and even seek Professional help, just dont drink. You will surprise yourself with how much you can handle SOBER.
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The smallest of good deeds is greater than the best of intentions.
Anonymous
