Yesterday I posted about accepting the fact that I'm a drunk and will be a drunk forever and that there wasn't anything or anybody who could help me . I had a few hundred dollars in my wallet and was just about to leave to meet up with my drinking buddies and get wasted when I posted it. And I did go out and get drunk, quite drunk actually, and it wasn't necessarily a bad time. I didnt offend anyone, or drive drunk or hurt myself...for me that's considered a fairly successful night of boozing.
The strange thing about it all is this, when I woke up today I felt different. I didnt feel sick and tired and beaten. I felt hopeful, I felt like maybe if I just listen to what you people and the ones I meet at meetings tell me to do that I might be okay eventually. If I just keep picking myself up and dusting myself off and keep coming back no matter how many times it takes it might stick one day.
Don't get me wrong I'm hungover and afraid to look at my wallet and find out what damage I did, I'm not exactly in singin and dancin shape. But I have hope where yesterday there was none. I'm not big on god or the nut jobs who suck up to him but perhaps this is coming from somewhere outside myself. It feels like it.
