Hi everyone; I have been lurking around this site probably 6 months before getting sober and have been sober for 4 months next week. It's had been going really well and I did everything that was suggested; did 90 meetings in 90 days, got a sponser, working the steps, etc. But I guess my pink cloud is dissipating and I am feeling very pissed off. I am struggling with a situation at work, that is horribly boring even to me, so I'll spare the details but which has been escalating each week since I quit drinking. This week I am so mad; and for several evenings I had the "mouse dancing on my chest" (that is how I feel prior to when I drink-anxious I guess would be a better term). Anyhow I keep reading my big book, pray, pray, pray and think I will talk to my sponser at the next meeting. We have yet to actually meet or work on anything because she has alot going on and I am trying not to be "needy". So get through the meeting and she is talking to and hugging a newcomer (which is great!) but meanwhile I am really trying to get some time with her. Finally we talk for about 30 seconds; she says something like "yeah I remember how hard it was when I worked, glad you didn't drink" and goes back to the newcomer. I'm like "Geez" when is it going to be my turn? For crying out loud; I already chair a meeting and I haven't worked one step with my sponser! So now I'm even more mad; I know its my own fault for not speaking up; in working my 4th step the common denominator is "low self esteem". But right now I feel like quitting everything; my job, my group, my marriage. There are very few women at my group as it is and really only one other one that is willing to be a sponser. Would it be selfish to change groups over this? I am making myself sick with my "wah, wah, wah"; I have to do something. If someone could share some wisdom I would be eternally greatful; even if its a kick in my ass! I feel like I am making zero progress right now. Thanks!
Hi Dolly, Just a note to say you are doing something. And you are doing it well. Feeling, feelings and sharing them. When I get into the "poor me's" and am mad at everyone and every thing, I do just what you did. I admit it. Then I ask myself if drinking and drugging would make it better. I run the drinking and drugging cycle through my imagination. Ahhh !!! Yes the relief of the first drink, the peace I feel. The sense of well being. But Oh No !!! the good feeling starts to go away , panic, another drink, another , got to feel good again , drunk, blackout, violence, more terror. Can' shut it down. The elusive peace of being Numb. My bottom appears. It is worse than the last. I cannot live through that again. So I accept I feel like shit and try to trust something simple, This too shall Pass. Let go and Let God. Feelings Happen. Clean and Sober I stand a chance to learn how to deal with them. Easy does it. Wayne
Thanks Wayne, you are so right. I am really bad at feeling bad; I'm sure alot of alcoholics are the same since we probably didn't drink to suppress feelings of pure joy! I know a drink won't fix this (at least not for long); neither will running away. I guess I thought by now I would have "more tools" to deal with things at this stage in my sobriety, honestly. I am disappointed in myself for being mopey at work; like a toddler not getting her way. I don't know how someone could be my age and still be so immature. But I guess it boils down to me trying to control the situation and we all know that doesn't work. This is an opportunity to work on humility; as I ponder it I guess it probably is the right time (if I assume my higher power is in control and not me; I would "postpone" these feelings!). Thanks again; Your right, "Easy does it". Yvette
When I had four months or so I was ready to do my fifth step, and my sponsor rescheduled me a few times...finally we were meant to meet and at 5 he wasn't there, I called him and asked where he was and reminded him we were scheduled to do my fifth step, he was like, "oops, I totally spaced it, I'm going to dinner with my wife and my son, wanna come?"
I lost it on him, I was SCREAMING at him what I had to share wasn't fit for women and children and I was homicidal and suicidal, I needed to get this stuff off my back, and if he didn't get his ass over here in a few minutes I would come to the restaurant and start sharing my stuff at the restaurant, I was LIVID
shocked silence....long pause, then he said, OK, I will be over there ASAP
A few weeks later I guess, I don't really remember how long afterwards he made amends to me, he told me he had forgotten what it was like to be new, to have that intensity of feelings that we have in our first year, that -need- to connect and unburden ourselves
That being said, it's helpful to remember a few things...our sponsors our human, and as such we don't rely on them for sobriety, because no human power can relieve our alcoholism and B) as mere humans, the day will come when they fail us, that's just how that is if we rely on a human power, so we build support networks, with 10, 20, 30 phone numbers in our speed dial under AA joey AA fred whatever, and when we need to vent we go through our phone list
sponsors aren't there to hold our hands or be our counselors, relationship or otherwise, they aren't therapists or financial advisors, they aren't Oprah or Dr Phil, they are there to get us through the steps
that's it, and they are there to help newcomers, and the funny thing is I learned when I stopped clamoring for attention me me me me me and started helping newcomers too I got relief, THAT"S WHY OUR SPONSORS REACH OUT TO NEWCOMERS, they have learned it relieves us from the bondage of "self", I don't think I have ever met anyone in AA that wasn't sick to F'ing death of that GDamned voice in their going me me eme me emememememem all the time...it's TIRING
so what do we do? we work the steps with our sponsors then we work the steps with our sponsees, and we reach out to newcomers, we don't reach out to newcomers to get THEM sober, we reach out to newcomers to get our Fing brains to SHUT UP
keep coming back, it DOES get better, but what helped me was when I was new finding people more messed up then me then asking them how they were and then listening
blessed relief if only for a night
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Hi everyone; I have been lurking around this site probably 6 months before getting sober and have been sober for 4 months next week.
Welcome...Dolly to MIP.
My emotions ran amuck in early sobriety and quieted down -a bit- after being 2 years sober. I guess there was a lot on my plate and alcohol calmed my nerves during those trying times. When I did become sober, I set aside some much needed time everyday just for myself. I would commune with nature by meditating in the great outdoors, so I could refocus my energies elsewhere, far away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. When the trials and tribulations of life seem to take up all my energies, then I must rest up in order to restore balance in my life.
My sponsor told me to "balance out my time", so I would not fall off the deep end, especially in early sobriety. He said and I'm quoting here: "Bear the discomfort and the comfort will come". How true...Every time I put that principle in motion, then all other problems pale in comparison to the mind altering gift of relaxation. Relax.... and enjoy the benefits of this wonderful life -one day at a time. Welcome...once again and enjoy the surroundings.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 8th of May 2011 08:57:05 PM
Thanks so much linbaba and Mr. David, great advice which I will take to heart. I went to a meeting and feel my pity party coming to an end. I realized I haven't been focusing on feeling gratitude, or talking to my higher power. your so right Mr. David, I have been waaaaaay out of balance and playing the victim, but I feel back on track again! Thanks again so much!
Hi Dolly! Like you I'm new to sobriety. A little over 4 months for me. I understand your frustration as I feel as frustrated at many of the things you do. I'm still trying to process the information that the world, and the people who live on it, supposedly do not revolve around me. Huh, until I put the bottle down I didn't believe it. Give it some time, especially when it comes to your feelings. I had to learn this very thing this past Thursday. For the first time in my sobriety I was hurt. Horribly hurt emotionally. Uh oh....what to do, as an adult I NEVER dealt with anything remotely hurtful without drinking. For two days I suffered an emotional roller coaster. But I didn't drink and for that I'm proud. Please stick with it! And listen to these old timers. They are so incredibly positive, have loads of great advice and they've walked the walk. Take care and remember to breath.
Hi Dolly. Like you and Fallon, I too am about 4 months into my recovery journey. Emotionial roller coaster is putting it mildly for me. I too, have the BB which I read daily, and have been praying daily as well. I am on a journey of discovery when it comes to clearly defining my faith and my spirituality, but I do believe in a power greater than myself. Last week, I finally started some work in the BB with my sponsor after I told her that I needed her to make me get busy and work the steps. We had met for coffee a couple of times and I had seen her at meetings here and there ( we attend the same home group but usually meetings at different times), but we had yet to work any steps together. I asked her to be my sponsor after hearing her at a speakers meeting at one of the first meetings I went to. I really like her, and I want what she has, but she is very busy and I didn't want to seem too needy. Then an amazing thing happened to me. I received a phone call from another woman in the fellowship who needed to talk so she didn't go out and drink. It was a very powerful experience. I listened more than I talked, and after an hour and a half, she told me that she no longer felt like drinking and said good night and thank you. I thanked her, as her call helped me much more than it helped her, as far as I am concerned. The next day when I went to a meeting, a gentleman shared that giving back to others is what keeps him sober. After the meeting, I shared my experience about the phone call with him, and the first thing he asked me was how did it make me feel? Then he asked if I have a sponsor, and was I working steps. I explained my situation and his resposnse was that I need a sponsor who will work the steps with me now. A sponsor I feel comfortable with asking for help and calling upon when I need to, and that if I don't have that in the sponsor I have, I need to find another one. And he told me that in the meantime, I can still give back to others, those who might call, those who walk in the door for the first time or who seem to be struggling. I can hold out my hand and offer a smile, an ear to listen, a cup of coffee. Some days this whole recovery thing seems like so much work, all the reading, the soul searching, the feelings, I just want to bag it. But I know, as surely as I know my own name, that my fate will be jail, institutions, or death. I am not afraid to die, but I do not want to die in the throes of active alcoholism. Keep doing what you're doing and don't give up. I'll be doing the same. Thanks for sharing your struggles. It helps to know I'm not alone. Peace
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
Thanks Fallon and nezyb, your right, it is nice to know you are not alone. And it is kind of amusing (in a dark, weird sort of way) how the selfishness creeps back in; it wasn't sudden but before I knew it I was back to me, me, me and my feelings! The thing at work still totally blows and I am at a loss on how to handle it except take it one day at a time! I know God will help me handle it; it would just be really convenient if he did it soon! But there are lessons everywhere and this is one I have to get through. On a brighter note; it is awesome to help newcomers and to watch them start to feel better. It is a beautiful thing. That is something that is worth focusing on. Thanks again friends; positive thoughts to you all.
