I'm new and didn't know where to go.. Today is day 2 of not drinking heavy on and off for about a year. I drank bottle after bottle of vodka, morning, noon, and night. Nobody knows... not my husband, my girls, my friends, nobody. I drank alone, i'm a stay at home mom, both girls in school all day, so I would just stay home all day and drink. I would pass out and the school would call me to come get my daughter, cause I missed pick up. It happened so frequently they started to take a log and having me sign it. That really scared me so I made sure to stay awake, set an alarm, anything to not do that again. I'm a mess, so embarrassed, so ashamed. I've lost so many friends, i would just go off on them for no reason and they just thought I was being a b****. So far I'm doing pretty ok with the withdrawls, wondering if they are coming anytime soon or am I just lucky? I do have a few symptoms though, nausea, some vomiting, slight shakes, extremely emotional. Nothing major though. I think thats what kept me drinking, the dreaded withdrawls. I imagined seizures and all sorts of scary stuff. It does feel so good to talk about it. Even if I am just rambling.
If possible let someone know what your doing. Day two is early and it could get worse. Not trying to scare you but this stuff is not joke. Call the AA hotline and ask for advice about withdrawal. Good luck and welcome to this site. Your going to go thru a rollar coaster of emotions so hang on....your doing the right things but you dont have to do it alone. Pick up that phone and Call AA so you can find some help.
Days 3 - 6 were the worst for me... and there are a lot of non-alcoholics that drank more than I did. God and AA are the two best decision I've ever made.
Welcome. I hope you take steps to go to a meeting. It will really help. It was hard for me to get to that first meeting. But after that it was all so much easier to do.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I made the call... wow. That was such a relief. They gave me some things to watch for and I'm feeling more in control. Thank you for your kind words. I probably shouldn't ask for medical advice, so I apoligize if I overstepped. I took all of your advices (is that a word? lol) to heart and you were right! I feel better. I'm actually smiling! I will attend my first meeting tomorrow during the day, which will get me out of the house so I don't crave, which I've been doing. Sigh. Will it ever go away? Thanks again my new friends!! :)
You will be amazed at the new life that is ahead of you!! You dont have to do it alone. When you go to an AA meeting the feeling of being other people who understand you without actually knowing you is so amazing. Keep up the good work and let us know how your meeting goes. If it is anything like my first meeting it will be great. I didnt feel uncomfortable at all!! There was not judging me just people who wanted to help me!!!! Yay for you alone72......your not alone anymore!
I was a heavy hitter too, on and off for twenty some years. Then the improbable happened...I had my first spiritual experience, which lifted the merciless obsession from me, long enough to make some rational choices. That experience was the driving force behind my motive to change which has stood the test of time for some 9+ years now -thanks be to God.
Yes...there are times when the thought of a drink crosses my mind, but it remains just that, a thought, nothing more. There is only one choice for this alcoholic when dealing with certain urges like drinking and that is abstaining altogether. If I drink, the consequences would be:
*Losing my job of ten years...Why? well...I would start drinking, again, where I left off -From morning till night that was - or at least until I passed out; Thus eliminating any possibility of making it to work on time or at all. In fact... the last time I drank, I had ten jobs in the period of 6 months...get the picture.
*My family would desert me, once again...without reservation. Why? Because the last time I drank, they feared for their lives...literally. They gave me a second chance, one time...and one time... only -no matter how selfish that sounds.
*My sober and spiritual connection would be lost... again. Why? Because there be no need to further explore any avenues, spiritual or otherwise; only the ones that to lead to the next liquor store.
The list goes on and on......
The point I am trying to make is this...alcohol is not the solution...even though it masquerades around as one. I believe there is a spiritual antidote for everything...the only thing is finding it amongst all the clutter. As it states in Matthew: 7 of the Bible: Seek, and you will find. Knock and it will be opened for you. Finding a solution that works for you is like finding your way through a maze of uncertainty...there is a way out...only if you search for one. My prayer for you today, as it is for others, including myself, is not to drink, no matter the circumstances. Thanks be to God..............
"Alcohol could not do for me, what my family and friends continue to do everyday... Love me for who I am, not who I was".
-- Edited by Mr_David on Thursday 5th of May 2011 11:58:26 PM
Thank you for your post Mr. David. I reminds me of why I am so happy these days. And tells me what would happen if I choose the drink. Gives me chill to think of it. Have a great day! ")
Welcome to the group! You are not alone and you don't ever have to be alone again. I remember what it is like those first few days, and trust me, it gets MUCH better when you stop trying to white knuckle it alone. At your first meeting ask about a Big Book. Listen for similarities in people's stories and have an open mind. NO ONE IS GOING TO JUDGE YOU. The more you open up and talk honestly about what you are experiencing the more people will be able to help you. There is no shame in asking for help. WE have a disease and need the help, wisdom, and encouragement of others in the program! I am so proud of you for having the courage to make some changes in your life. For me it took pursuing my recovery with as much effort as I did my drinking career...which meant working on my recovery every day. I have a wonderful sponsor who has helped me read the Big BOok of Alcoholics Anonymous and walk through the steps of recovery. I used to drink like you just 10 months ago. I was fading from my own life and the lives of my two beautiful little boys. Today I am sober, have a renewed hope and faith, have healed relationships with family and friends, and have made incredible new friends, too. If I can do this, you can do this. YOU DON'T EVER HAVE TO DRINK AGAIN, even if you want to. Things are going to get much better...beyond your imagination but it will be a bit of a roller coaster at first. Hold on! :) You have friends here already. Let us love you until you can love yourself, then we'll keep on loving you anyway. Stick around and try this thing out! If you aren't fully satisfied you may always leave, and your misery will be refunded to you, 100%. I know that sounds harsh, but I have come to appreciate life so much over my 10 months of sobriety, and I know now that for me, to drink again would be to die. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. WE are not bad people, but we are sick and we need AA and each other to get healthy again physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Watch out for emotional lows or high stress situations, because that can make you want to just drink again, I had one of those today myself but I have been praying each day and reading some of the bible and trusting in the higher power. It seems to be working. I really reccomend finding your higher power somehow that is the only thing that is working for me at the moment!
I know you will crack this, also definately read a letter to a female alcoholic, i think that's what it's called, it's stickied - I think you'll relate well to the message
great posts! i am an emotional person, and my emotions were all over the place when i stopped drinking. sometimes it takes a long time to 'stabilize' please be patient with yourself. AA and the Big Book can help you hugely. a sponsor is a good thing to find. it took me about 4 months for my emotions to settle down, like, not over reacting to little things and minimizing big problems. so glad you are here! all of you.
Aloha Alone...You ask does it ever end? and my experience is that when I follow the suggestions of the AA fellowship and work the program I get a daily reprieve. I stay alcohol free and sober just one day at a time and also experience how cunning, powerful and baffling this disease is that way also. I have a Power greater than Alcohol that I spend all my time with and with my HP and the program and it's fellowship I feel hopeful and happy and sober.
Welcome to the board...gather the fellowship around you and ask "Please help me...show me what you did when you were here." It works when you work it.
I am so thrilled you have made the decision to become sober. I hope you are able to find a home group and sponser in AA to help you through the steps. This is a program of action and not a feel good program. I only say this because each time I withdrew from my sponser and going to meetings I had a relapse. Your sponser will help you work through the steps. Expect highs and lows. You will be amazed at the family atmosphere I have found in AA meetings. When I first came into the program I let the few who did offensive things scare me off. Dont leave until the miracle happens. I just admitted to my sponser and home group I was drinking daily. I have started the steps over. I have received the support and encouragement to be sober five days now. I hope you can connect with a a higher power and to use that to pray throughout the day. Love, Allie
