for me, i don't want to forget where i came from and what alcohol had done to my life. i do not want to forget the misery, the sickness, the lies i told and believed.... BECAUSE, the comparison is a great way to see how far i have come and how blessed i am. plus, if i think about drinking the past is there to remind me it did not work for me. How about you all?
I think you shouldn't forget about the past. You should learn from it but you need to come to terms with the mistakes and the things in the past that caused you to drink and try to end the pain. Once you come to term with it, it doesn't bother you anymore and you can grow and become a great and good person. You should be constantly vigilant of how you act and who you are. The past has made us who we are today but as someone once said, "It doesn't matter where you came from, it matters where your going"
Check out the book Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw for some good reading and healing if you want!
I asked in my early days, rather beligerently, how the hell can I not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it?
I was told that not regretting the past means that you are grateful that every drink and every action you took brought you to this point in your life where you are now, recovered from the hopeless condition of mind and body.
Not shutting the door on it means that you are aware of where you came from and what you did and use it as a tool to not repeat the misdeeds of the past.
In it's simplest form I was told to remember my last drunk and when tempted to change my mood by getting drunk again, to play the video all the way through and remember the state you got in that last time. Remember how hard you had to work to get here. Then ask yourself do you really, really want that drink? (Not shutting the door)
On a deeper level, not shutting the door should enable me to think, think, think through the potential consequences of your actions. This part failed me recently as I allowed self will to run riot. The mess that has made will cause me and others much pain for a long time. Growth thru pain, we should all be 10 feet tall soon.
I do regret many of my past actions and behaviours for the impact it has had on others, but AA isn't a time machine. I cannot go back and undo that which I have done. I can make amends as best I can, including NOT repeating the misdeeds of my past. Neither can I fast Forward to a place sometime in the future where I become some sort of enlightened spiritual man. Time pases at it's own rate and time takes time. I need to develop greater patience and allow time to do it's job of healing. But I am an impatient alkie.
I recognise that for some things I need specialist, professional Outside Help. AA helps me with Alcoholism. There's other stuff in my make up that AA cannot provide a solution to but can prepare me to take the outside help. I've heard it said that God doesn't give you more than you can handle in a day and that God doesn't give you stuff to handle until you're ready to handle it.
I wasn't ready to tackle my divorce, to challenge and end a going nowhere sick relationship, to engage in a foolhardy rebound relationship and have it end very messily until right about now. The learning has been and still is huge because the pain has been and still is huge.
Am I ready to take the next step, to fearlessly engage in outside help. Not tonight for sure, but maybe tomorrow.
Scarey stuff indeed.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I like the saying "its ok to look over your shoulder, but dont stare".... not sure where I heard that at but it applies. I need to see what I left behind to appreciate what is ahead of me.
I spent a whole lotta years working very hard and making a lot of sacrifices in order to become a practicing alcoholic. That's not wasted time, it's valuable experience that I can use to identify with the newcomer and hopefully say something that will help her on her journey to sobriety, or at least to feel less alone. I don't want to shut the door on it because it's not something everyone has, and it's very valuable to me in continuing to work the 12th step.
GG
I asked in my early days, rather beligerently, how the hell can I not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it?
I was told that not regretting the past means that you are grateful that every drink and every action you took brought you to this point in your life where you are now, recovered from the hopeless condition of mind and body.
Not shutting the door on it means that you are aware of where you came from and what you did and use it as a tool to not repeat the misdeeds of the past.
In it's simplest form I was told to remember my last drunk and when tempted to change my mood by getting drunk again, to play the video all the way through and remember the state you got in that last time. Remember how hard you had to work to get here. Then ask yourself do you really, really want that drink? (Not shutting the door)
On a deeper level, not shutting the door should enable me to think, think, think through the potential consequences of your actions. This part failed me recently as I allowed self will to run riot. The mess that has made will cause me and others much pain for a long time. Growth thru pain, we should all be 10 feet tall soon.
I do regret many of my past actions and behaviours for the impact it has had on others, but AA isn't a time machine. I cannot go back and undo that which I have done. I can make amends as best I can, including NOT repeating the misdeeds of my past. Neither can I fast Forward to a place sometime in the future where I become some sort of enlightened spiritual man. Time pases at it's own rate and time takes time. I need to develop greater patience and allow time to do it's job of healing. That's all I can handle for today.
.....because the AA book says that alcohol is cunning, baffling & powerful. I underestimated this disease once and nearly cost me my life. When my sponsor suggested the steps in the BB, I got on with it immediately, otherwise I might have wrote a different story like many along the road. Those that suggest meetings only & no action on the steps look very convincing to the newcomer in the beginning, but eventually both die. I follow the text for a very good reason. Thanks for the post JJ.
Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.
But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.
That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of Holier Than Thou, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured these are the conditions we have found most effective. After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again.
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
I know without the things that happened in my past, there would be no today. I don't regret what happened to me because it had to happen for me to finally "Get it." I struggle with the regret of what I put my family through, but I am told by my wife that she's grateful for it because it gave us a new and BETTER relationship today. I can and will never forget where I came from. I work at the treatment center that helped me get sober, so I'm constantly reminded...all I have to do is look out my office window. My last drunk took place laying half out my front door...the same one I walk through every day. There is still some pain there, and that's an answer to my prayers. Fortunately, my HP won't let me take it too far. Thanks for helping me remember jj!
Brian
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
I don't wish to shut the door on the past, and I fully understand the various rationales and explanations for not regretting the past. However, with the degree and permanence of the damage done, especially to my daughter, I still am not able to not regret certain things--even though all the trauma and drama eventually resulted in my sobriety, that does not undo the damage done to others, and I do regret that. I have been forgiven, which certainly helps, but on some level I must believe that if I no longer regret the the past I am not honoring the "miracle in progress" that I am today.
