I'm a 42 y/y mom of b/g twins (6 1/2). When I was in my early 20's, I was clean/sober for about 4 years. Then I had a glass of wine....
Drank pretty socially until 2001 then I guess my disease finally caught up with me again. Now, I easily drink a bottle of wine a night.
My husband is pissed and I'm sick and tired. I read another thread about blackouts...I can't tell you how many times I say something to my husband and he will tell me "we discussed that last night" and look at me like I crawled out from under a rock because I don't remember.
I know I'm an alcoholic AND i feel so helpless! Every night around 6pm...just one glass turns into 6.
***sigh***. Not sure what I'm hoping to find here. Strength? Wisdom? Hmmm. Thanks for listening.
Welcome Suzy. You are not alone--there is a lot of understanding and supportive individuals, here, as we all share our experience, strength and hope with each other.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Thanks. Please call me Sue (why did I pick suzy as a username?). Even though it was almost 20 years ago, I remember so much from my 4 years of sobriety. Even the steps. "Came to believe...". I guess since I feel helpless, I need to start to believe?
Most of what I remember though is how GOOD I felt during those 4 years...I'd like that back. But I never had to stop drinking by myself; I was in a rehab program so drinking wasn't an option and then, slowly, I got it (and AA) and didn't want to drink (at least for 4 years)...
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol—cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power—that One is God. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
That God could and would if He were sought.
Taken from Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 5
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Hi, Suzy. I've nothing to add apart from Welcome here.
This is where life improves.
Great to have you with us.
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Hey Sue, I can relate to the loss of memory and the "what the..." look that you get when you honestly don't remember. I'm a 44 year old, father of three great kids and grandparent of two beautiful girls. I recently became involved with AA and am still working hard to get a handle on my whole situation. At this point, I can honestly say that the people here have given me strength and encouragement. The Big Book is a very enlightening experience to say the least, and I find the more I read, the less secluded and alone I feel. If you're at the end of your rope and can't seem to figure out what the next right thing is to do, then you're at the right place. Get involved with AA and let go of the misery.
Please feel free to email me anytime, and be sure to continue reading the posts on this message board as often as possible. I have found some very encouraging and humbling information here that I never would have known existed had I not decided to make a fearless leap into unknown territory for the betterment of myself and the lives that I have impact on.
Welcome to the board. My name is cheri and I am an alcoholic. You say you would like that feeling back, the one that you had when you were in AA. It's right there waiting for you...in the rooms of AA. This is not the easier softer way.. We will all pretty much tell you that you need to go to the meetings and get involved with your local AA. Working the steps, experiencing a spiritual awakening, all of that will come as you continue your journey into sobriety. You need to decide if you want it enough to take the steps suggested. We here are just a bunch of alcoholics staying sober one day at a time, and we have found that this enhances our recovery. It is not a replacement.
You know what you need to do...so now go out and do it. I hope you'll keep us updated...we are all rooting for you and cheering you on.
