i've been to a few meetings but i felt unwelcome. i've come to a realisation that i can go a week or more not drinking but i always slide back into old ways.i was not going to have a drink 2day but i did. to some of you 4 pints and a few jds may not seem alot but to me it is the start of the slippery slope. should i try meetings elsewhere?. i know that 2morrow i will be determined not to drink but i will. i need to find a meeting that suits me. r they all the same?.i want to stop but i need the support of those who have been there and got the tee-shirt.
Welcome and answering your question real quick , it works when you work it and your worth it. Also I found that most of my life I have felt unwelcome , home, school, in general out in the commnunity. What I discovered is that it wasn't so much that I was unwelcome, I just Felt unwelcome. Feelings aren't facts although I do have them they don't always line up with what others are actually thinking in fact most of the time they don't. Time takes time and it will get better a day at a time. Welcome and God bless.
Aloha Seasider...and Jamie related that part of my personality also...Comfortable for me was chaos until I got in, stuck and stayed in recovery or else the other alternative was ending my life completely. It took someone or something much more powerful than my desire to run and my desire to drink to take me to the meetings, keep me in the room and in my chair and inspite of anything else I was afraid of to keep my mind open so I could listen, listen, listen and then consider if I would make any sense of it and try to work any of it.
Does it work...absolutely. There are over 2 million recovering alcoholics plus walking the face of this earth while being happy, joyous and free feeling assured that for this minute, this hour, this day a drink is the most miniscule thought or desire in our lives.
It does work when you work it as it is suggested. I started out ignoring my fear and reaching out to strangers in the program asking, "Can you help me...please?" Then I listened.
Seems like you have just attempted that....Practice, "Can you help me please?". Make sure your mind is open and listen. Keep it simple and keep working it.
Hello Seasider, and welcome to our board. We have a lot of nice folks here. Ask a lot of questions, poke around at the threads, use the search function. AA is full of the people that you used to drink with, that now have found a way to live a qood, full, and meaninqful life without alcohol. I used to think that I couldn't have any fun without drinkinq. As it turns out, my drinkinq prevented me from doinq the majority of activities, social events, travelinq, hobbies, that I enjoy now. In the beqininq alcohol seemed to liberate me and let me be all that I could be. But toward the end, it reduced me to recluse and took away just about everythinq I loved. You can read about it in the Biq book. for some reason I'm not able to post the link. Someone help me.
Your honesty is welcome and so are you. Whatever you say is not meant to embarrass you, but for us to get to know you. We are not alone in the fight against this deadly disease and you have taken the first step towards lasting sobriety by reaching out and asking for help. All of us have been there at times when everything seems unattractive, but believe this; it can get worse...if you dont take action -now.
Take me for example...I was a blackout drinker for many years, not realizing the impact it had on so many people, not just myself. If I could just learn to control my drinking than all else would be fine -so I thought. Well...that simply wasn't true and I have the scars to prove it. I had to be honest about what had happened -My relapses that was, and then.......ask for help. The necessary help -needed to combat this disease, one day at a time - was not only available but crucial -as well.
After every relapse, I had the distinct pleasure of returning to AA with all those annoying reservations too. What I learned after so many attempts at getting sober is this; the more I tried to salvage my own sobriety - Alone that is - the more I failed. Basically...I could not achieve any success in sobriety on my own terms and conditions. In fact...no alcoholic - that I know of - can achieve any lasting success in sobriety unless under the care and direction of another; including those in outpatient services, AA of course and sober forums like this one.
You've done a great service, by admitting that you're not over the hump with this disease as of yet- no one ever is. There are no diplomas in recovery, just daily reprieves, contingent upon your spiritual conditioning. We will pray for your continued success in sobriety and support your efforts to reclaim this sober life -one day at a time.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 24th of April 2011 07:52:32 PM
AA meetings all have different "personalities" depending on the regular attendees. It took me a long time to find the regular meetings I go to, where I feel comfortable. Shop around, you are bound to find one you like, and don't give up until you do.
Welcome! and yes ,I can speak for myself,I could always stop for a bit, but "staying stopped" was out of my hands.I also reclused at meetings and sometimes left more depressed than when I showed up but in time, I learned to say what was inside and I would just share''you know I havent been feeling comfortable and feel left out at times and believe it or not it would help bring me in..We at times think people know what we are thinking and feeling and until we actually say it it may not be clear......is it easy ,no,but laying in the gutter twitching from your last bout thinking about the next one wasn't too swinging either huh??WE ARE A ROUGH MIXTURE OF PEOPLE FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE WORKING TOWARD RECOVERY A DAY AT A TIME.I would suggest moving around ,you'll find a meeting where you will feel more comfortable,but that will also come from inside you...Thanks for your honest sharing and helping me today!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Welcome Seasider! You are exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment in time. It takes courage to admit you have a problem and seek help, and I am proud of you that you are making these first strides. I encourage you to keep trying meetings, and even if you "felt unwelcome" at first, go back a few times and people will start to see that you are serious about learning more about the program. I agree with Jamie, that feeling unwelcome and actually not being welcome are different, and that it is all about your perception and your state of mind. Try again, and this time arrive early, sit next to someone (anyone!) and introduce yourself with a smile. You'll be amazed after trying this a few times how comfortable it is to strike up a conversation with another alcoholic.
Look for similarities, not differences. When you truly listen, I bet you will hear parts of your story in almost everyone's sharing. I hope you give this thing a fair shot. If you hang in there, you might discover a new way of life that is far better than you had imagined! I know I have. In nine months, I have learned how to love myself, how to take care of myself, how to be present for my children, friends, and family, how to be a true friend to others, how to feel comfortable among my fellows, how to forgive, how to let go of old hurts, how to grow up, how to LIVE LIFE one day at a time. It is pretty great. At your next meeting listen to the ninth step promises. If they aren't read at the beginning of the meeting, ask any oldtimer after the meeting about them. They really do come true.
Bottom line: You don't ever have to drink again, even if you want to.
thank you to for the replys. i went to a meeting today. very different,very welcoming,i made an effort to talk to people. my story is not unique to me. i will be going back 2morrow. have not had a drink 2day and my flat is starting to look clean!!!. i had to do something. a new start in many ways. eating mars bars which seem to help. thank you again.
Welcome Seasider. The meetings started to work for me when I left my pride and ego at the door and entered the rooms as an equal. Then listened to identify instead of compare. Then prior to leaving the meeting- let others know I was new and needed help. The Fellowship took over and my journey started. I find that all meetings are good, but some are more enlightening and inspirational than others, depending on the make-up of the Fellowship and the type of meeting.
Wow, Seasider! You're doing great! All it takes is a little willingness. Surrender. Step One is: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable. Sounds like exactly where you're at! Congratulations. The journey just gets better and better. There will be ups and downs, but you don't ever have to drink again and you are never alone. Just don't drink today. You can do this! :) Heather
Seasider, the commitment that you need to make to say sober has to be with all your heart and soul....otherwise, you will have it in your head that you can relapse. It's not about the meetings as much as it is about your surrender. It has to be full and without reservation or your step 1 is incomplete. THAT is why you relapse. It has nothing to do with the meetings. I do think it is wonderful that you found a meeting you like better though, but for most of us, AA is AA and we can make do with any kind of AA meeting.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
