This was an answer to a PM someone sent me, so I thought it was time for this to be reposted here, some of it was written by a friend of mine, the first part was written by me, but none of this is "mine", this is just stuff I have heard
1, 2, 3, slip 1, 2, 3, slip is called the "AA Waltz", we see people do that for YEARS, people who don't work steps 4-9 (10-12) don't get "sober", they either keep slipping or are just "dry", which many alcoholics are able to do for years, however they still suffer from the ISM of alcoholISM, remember drinking is but a symptom of our inability to fit in with the world around us
Boleo writes:
Abstinence is the leading cause of relapse. Sounds kind of comical when heard for the first time. Almost like a contradiction of terms. In theory, abstinence is supposed to PREVENT relapse. How can it be RESPONSIBLE for relapse?
It turns out that the recovery process cannot be done in one simple phase. Not unlike getting a car or truck rolling along it takes more than one gear. Abstinence is comparable to first gear in a motor vehicle. It is the best and sometimes the only way to get a massive vehicle in motion but not unlike a car going down the highway, being stuck in first gear is destructive. At some point the cars engine will blow apart from too much stress.
Rehab programs seldom talk about this matter because it is simply not their job to talk about long-term recovery strategies. Their goal is typically one of getting the subject to reach some short-term goal that can be achieved and measured within a short time frame, Typically 30 or 90.
So what is the equivalent of second gear in the recovery process? Principles to live by. Specifically rules to live by that can be used to day in and day out without overloading ones psychic engine. Some of these principles can be summed up in simple to grasp slogans like; one-day-at-a-time, easy-does-it and first-things-first. These are more or less psychological tricks and tips that can be used in times of stress.
There is more to recovery however than just psychology. There is an even higher set of principles that can be viewed as the equivalent of over-drive in an automobile. That is spiritual instead of psychological principles.
Spiritual principles are harder to learn than psychological principles because some of them are hard to grasp at first. In fact, many of them are downright incomprehensible. That is why it is best to leave them for last in the learning process.
The fundamental spiritual principles are not too bad to deal with like honesty, open-mindedness and willingness but some of the deeper principles like humility and serenity are beyond the grasp of those new to the recovery process.
Perhaps the most esoteric spiritual principle to grasp is true humility. A word often confused with humiliation. The easiest way to distinguish between the to is to remember that humiliation leads to fear, guilt and shame where humility leads to insight into new truth.
All those who are suffering from an addiction have a serious lack of insight. Humility, more than any other tool, can circumvent this problem and provide new and lasting paths to the truth about themselves, their disease and their potential to change.
Think of spiritual principles as the over-drive that allows to the auto to cruise for countless hours of stress-free progress on the life-long journey to recovery.
-- Edited by LinBaba on Wednesday 13th of April 2011 01:32:57 PM
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Thanks for that share Lin, After 25 years of devastation from active addiction, for someone who "went" to program for first 3 years after surrender, sponsor died, and then went forward, remaining abstinent for over 20 years,and came crawling back to the rooms,only by the grace of God ,still free from active alcoholism and substance abuse, but riddled with the disease and physically ,spiritually and mentally broken, do I identify with the difference between abstinence and recovery...The progression of recovery is a continuous uphill journey and with out effort we start our slide down that hill again,but the progression of the disease is ongoing ,even during abstinence!!(hello Mike) ! We do recover from a seemingly hopeless state of body and mind ,contingent on a fit spiritual condition,a daily reprieve,accomplished by applying spiritual principles in our actions and lives and being guided by our Higher Power of our own choosing and reaching out to others. In general our purpose is to remain in sobriety and carry our message of recovery to others and most importantly be of maximum service to God(our concept of) If your new or just coming around,stay, follow suggestions and direction and find that "new way of life"one better than you have ever known. Lost dreams do awaken and new possibilities arise in the journey of recovery!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
There is the saying that the same man will drink again. We don't start to change until with take an inventory and do the rest of the steps. 1 through 3 will teach some basic coping skills but the same crappy relationships and interpersonal problems will reoccur without doing the other steps. You talk about this a lot...I still can't believe people would be dumb enough to go to meetings all the time and not do the steps. I have met a few people that think their "trust issues" are so bad they cannot relate to a sponsor. I feel sorry for them. Talk about terminal uniqueness.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
It is pretty amazing that many can stay sober "most of the time", using the pychological tools and attending meetings and getting involved in fellowship.
The true soberiety comes with the spiritual experience, spiritual growth, and maintaining our spiritual condition.
page 25 below,
we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it.
There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed. The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help
-- Edited by Rob84 on Wednesday 13th of April 2011 11:37:08 PM
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I hit the wall (or the crossroads if you will). I was lost my wife and I was about to lose my kids and my life if I didn't stop drinking but I couldn't. I just couldn't stop it and I couldn't live with it so little old athiest me got on my knees and prayed to whoever it was to help me and they did.
It would take ten thousand words to describe what happened but I woke up the next day without the urge and apart from 2 autopilot moments I haven't even thought about it. It just isn't a part of my life anymore. I can stand in a crowded bar and not even consider grabbing a beer. Sure I still need to be on my guard but that daily civil war is gone.
Now I do my best to keep my end of the bargain by trying to be the best orange I can be - which isn't always easy but it is always rewarding - and let God (as I understand him to be) take care of the rest.
Abstain from drinking? Nope - I don't even think about it.
What we really have is a daily reprieve contigent upon the maintenance of a fit spiritual condition. I have been thinking alot about this lately, isn't the more true statement what we really have is a momentary reprieve ? I mean when someone busts they've busted at some point in that day so they didn't have reprieve for the full day .
It's interesting you wrote this Linbada. I've been on a slippery slope down for the past 2 weeks after an incident happened. This morning my sponsor told me to do a step 4. She said if I don't I'll start eating more again and regain what I've lost. My health is deteriorating again, insomnia, anxiety, headaches, not caring about the kinds of food I'm putting into my body. Looks like I have more work to do.
Bill recovered alcoholic, I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. It would be easy to be vague. You can't trick me I've studied the. Book. My experience shows me that every morning there is not a hallow hanging on my girls freinds bed post. What there is ? Is a mind that defaults on self pity self seeking and dishonest motives I asked God to direct my thinking and divorce these things from my thinking. That must mean that I am incapable of removing those on my own just like my resentment my fears my selfishness and my foul ass sex conduct. So it goes back to the idea that I have to stop Playing God . Why because it still does not work. I still can be the actor so I take that position I get a new boss and all sorts of remarkable things happen I get a rush. I ask for His Power his love and his way of life .tolerance patience kindliness and love.and toremove my anger and show me where I am perhaps sick . And the items that I find in the daily look I ask that those are removed too.I asked for piece to do hisbidding. News flash I'm not a heart surgeon .I do not mix with the pack I run with ! And we get together and commence in the shoulder to shoulder. I serve God purpose driven.usefullness.I can be of real help where non real ones have not the experience.which I have learned they will benifits others.full flight outright mental defective in reality I was half retarded.yeah who wants to admit that. I am free man.I absolutely insist on enjoying this life that he gives me. The mental blank spots are what always try to kill me .thank god for a 12 step program. If growing spiritually was easy everybody would be doing it.!
