This is the pebble rattling around my tin can today,....success as defined by other people...and being shamed into having someone else's definition of success become our own
There are studies that show if you put a person in a room with 9 other people and those 9 people all give a flagrantly wrong answer you begin to believe it, you start believing "Line A" is longer then "Line B", the same study shows we begin to believe lies and opinions if they are repeated often enough by enough people, they even show the same person saying the same thing over and over has the same effect, we begin to believe it's the majority opinion...and take that opinion on as our own
I believe some societal perceptions are good ones, as in we shouldn't really kill and eat each other for example, but as Heath Ledger's Joker observed, remove society's restrictions and this is exactly what takes place, "Lord of the Flies" anyone? I believe a few of my family members are literal sociopaths, as in literally do not possess a conscience, so societal values and fear of repercussions are the only thing keeping these people in check, I also believe that many suffer from this, a quick look through any history will show this to be true, our treatment of the native Americans, Israelis atment of the Palestinians, germany's treatment of the Jews in WWII, the biological necessity of "lebensraum" (living room) culminating in genocide self justified by denial, anyhow I digress, I am not making political observations, I am making biological ones, our "values" of right and wrong are societal and not biological in many cases, I mean every single culture at some point went through a cannibal stage, where they actually did kill and eat people, eeew we say, "That's wrong and bad" and we say we "know" cannibalism is wrong, we don't have to be taught that, but we are, from a very early age the cartoons of the missionary in the pot...we are taught by society it's not OK to eat people...and I'm OK with that
So how far do we go in allowing other peoples perceptions and societal perceptions shape who we are?
I had no idea how shaped I was by being raised in America until I started traveling, I was raised "off the grid" and wasn't allowed to watch TV, wasn't allowed to eat sugar cereals, I was raised by people who had turned their back on today's societal values, who felt ...well, I don't want to get in what they thought, but that basically all we are told by mainstream media and told by our political leaders was BS, this was the age of Nixon after all, and I don't disagree with them, so imagine my surprise when I am in Portugal and talking to other travelers and locals, and they describe me and my personality and my perceptions down to the smallest detail, they picked apart my most secret thoughts, hopes and dreams, amidst howling laughter as my face fell, I had thought that being raised off the grid made me special, made me unique, made my self image different...but they nailed it, and me...literally..to my most secret inner thoughts, they said all Americans thought as I did...the "rebel", slow to anger but terrible in retribution, the cowboy from High Noon, I was a product of Hollywood movies and television shows....celebrating things like Christopher Columbus Day, one of the biggest mass murderers of all time...a product of media mis-information and perceptions...Coke is it, this is the pepsi generation...if I drink Bud light I'll get laid a lot...I need to be thin..and sexy...and buy things...I need to have X, Y and Z to "fit in" to dress a certain way, to talk a certain way, I need to buy fruit of the loom underwear...
So on a smaller scale, on a personal level, how many times have I been shamed into changing my perception, changing my definition of success, shamed into people pleasing behaviors so the pack didn't turn on me like a group of chickens, pecking the strange chicken to death, even if it's a sibling, shamed into hiding what I really think, embarrassed if you really knew who I was, knew what I really thought you wouldn't like me, or even leave me...alone again....
I think that is one of the biggest reasons I love meetings, I have always had one or two friends in my life that tell the truth, say things out loud everyone else is embarrassed to say, too ashamed to say, at meetings I have seen that a lot, someone baring their absolute soul saying the most shameful or embarrassing things and the entire room rolling in laughter because they have all done this...the first time I saw this was one of the first meetings I ever attended, maybe 600 people and the guy said "My name is XXXX and I am an XXXXXX, and I don't have to like you, as a matter of fact I probably don't like most of you....but I have to love you, and I have to answer the phone if you call...the crowd went wild, we were giving him a standing ovation and he was still introducing himself, I was rofling
The sheer courage to stand in front of 600 people and tell them he didn't like us was....awesome...the truth is a beautiful thing, ...but I think we are all allowed to have our own truth.....and I think that...I just don't ever want to allow anyone to ever shame me into believing their version of the truth again
It is incredibly hard to be myself sometimes, to say what I mean and mean what I say sometimes, the fear and bile rise up in my throat...because I am afraid if you really know who I am, really know what I think, you won't like me anymore, and you will leave...and I don't do well with people leaving me, even if I wanted them gone in the first place
Yet as human beings we are capable of having the most amazing double standard, we can be terrified of people judging us and then turn around and judge others....
I'm enough...I'm good enough, and so is my truth...and so is yours
-- Edited by LinBaba on Tuesday 29th of March 2011 08:43:48 PM
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Yeah maybe, but I'm that quy that is always questioninq everythinq. Usually the more people I hear say somethinq in particular, the more I think it must be somethinq else, those "Lemminqs" are qoinq off the cliff without me. In the last year I've heard a lot of people talkinq seriously about the Mayan calendar, oh boy. Then there's the political party line lock steppers, don't qet me started lol. I've also found that I'm such a non comformist. I fiqure out how systems work so that I can manipulate them. In the old days leqality was not a concern of mine, nowadays I settle for the qray areas sometimes lol. One of the reasons self employment suits me is because I was a terrible employee. Never qot the "you're a couple minutes late" thinq.
Yeah maybe, but I'm that quy that is always questioninq everythinq. Usually the more people I hear say somethinq in particular, the more I think it must be somethinq else, those "Lemminqs" are qoinq off the cliff without me. In the last year I've heard a lot of people talkinq seriously about the Mayan calendar, oh boy. Then there's the political party line lock steppers, don't qet me started lol. I've also found that I'm such a non comformist. I fiqure out how systems work so that I can manipulate them. In the old days leqality was not a concern of mine, nowadays I settle for the qray areas sometimes lol. One of the reasons self employment suits me is because I was a terrible employee. Never qot the "you're a couple minutes late" thinq.
I get it, you are describing me, you are describing the person those Europeans were describing as an american, literally the way you describe yourself is exactly the way they sounded when they took my inventory
Nice to meetcha Mr Cooper hehe, I mean what would Bart Simpson look like if he grew up and got a job?
us?
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Good stuff, Our program teaches "rigorous honesty" which would appose lock-step conformity. HOW = Honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. The Four absolutes of Honesty, Purity, Unselfishness and Love was a important part of our original program and still is where I originally got sober in NE Ohio. I thought they where part of AA everywhere until I moved to GA and learned because they didn't make the book, they never traveled much out of Ohio (Dr. Bob continued to teach them, Bill opposed them being in the book because he thought they would scare-off new alcoholics). We where taught that absolute honesty is more than just not lying and cash-register truthfulness, but is the consistent evaluation of our beliefs, opinions and values. Are they true or are they false? Most folks are close-minded about their long held beliefs usually given to them by family, school, etc and spend the rest of their life trying to validate them. Below is part of the Honesty section from Cleveland District Four Absolutes pamphlet.
The Four Absolutes (From a booklet distributed by Cleveland Central Committee of AA, date unknown.) Foreword Spelled out as such, the Four Absolutes are not a formal part of our AA philosophy of life. Since this is true, some may claim the Absolutes should be ignored. This premise is approximately as sound as it would be to suggest that the Bible should be scuttled. The Absolutes were borrowed from the Oxford Group Movement back in the days when our society was in its humble beginning. In those days our founders and their early colleagues were earnestly seeking for any and all sources of help to define and formulate suggestions that might guide us in the pursuit of a useful, happy, and significant sober life. Because the Absolutes are not specifically repeated in our Steps or Traditions, some of us are inclined to forget them. Yet in many old time groups where the solid spirit of our fellowship is so strongly exemplified, the Absolutes receive frequent mention. Indeed, you often find a set of old placards, carefully preserved, which are trotted out for prominent display each meeting night. There could be unanimity on the proposition that living our way of life must include not only an awareness but a constant striving toward greater achievement in the qualities which the Absolutes represent. Many who have lost the precious gift of sobriety would ascribe it to carelessness in seeking these objectives. If you will revisit the Twelve Steps with care, you will find the Four Absolutes form a thread which is discernible in a sober life of quality, every step of the glorious journey.
Honesty Over and over we must ask ourselves, "Is it true or is it false?" For honesty is the eternal search for truth. It is by far the most difficult of the four Absolutes, for anyone, but especially for us in this fellowship. The problem drinker develops genuine artistry in deceit. Too many (and we plead guilty) simply turn over a new leaf and relax. That is wrong. The real virtue in honesty lies in the persistent dedicated striving for it. There is no relaxed twilight zone, it's either full speed ahead constantly or it's not honesty we seek. And the unrelenting pursuit of truth will set you free, even if you don't quite catch up to it. We need not choose or pursue falsity. All we need is to relax our pursuit of truth, and falsity will find us. The search for truth is the noblest expression of the soul. Let a human throw the engines of his soul into the doing or making of something good, and the instinct of workmanship alone will take care of his honesty. The noblest pleasure we can have is to find a great new truth and discard old prejudice. When not actively sought, truth seldom comes to light, but falsehood does. Truth is life and falsity is spiritual death. It's an everlasting, unrelenting instinct for truth that counts. Honesty is not a policy. It has to be a constant conscious state of mind. Accuracy is close to being the twin brother of honesty, but inaccuracy and exaggeration are at least "kissing cousins" of dishonesty. We may bring ourselves to believe almost anything by rationalization, (another of our fine arts), and so it's well to begin and end our inquiry with the question, "Is it true?" Any man who loves to search for truth is precious to any fellowship or society. Any intended violation of honesty stabs the health of not only the doer but the whole fellowship. On the other hand if we are honest to the limit of our ability, the basic appetite for truth in others, which may be dormant but not dead, will rise majestically to join us. Like sobriety, it's the power of example that does the job. It is much simpler to appear honest, than to be honest. We must strive to be in reality what we appear to be. It is easier to be honest with others than with ourselves. Our searching self-inventories help because the man who knows himself is at least on the doorstep of honesty. When we try to enhance our stature in the eyes of others, dishonesty is there in the shadows. When falsehood even creeps in, we are getting back on the merry-go-round because falsehoods not only disagree with truth, they quarrel with each other. Remember? It is one thing to devoutly wish the truth may be on your side, and it is quite another to wish sincerely to be on the side of truth. Honesty would seem to be the toughest of our four absolutes and at the same time, the most exciting challenge. Our sobriety is a gift, but honesty is a grace that we must earn and constantly fight to protect and enlarge."Is it true or false?". Let us make that a ceaseless question that we try to answer with all the sober strength and intelligence we have. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Four Absolutes Honesty.......Unselfishness.......Love.......Purity
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Click The Images To Go To Page Indicated The Four Absolutes (From a booklet distributed by Cleveland Central Committee of AA, date unknown.) Foreword
Spelled out as such, the Four Absolutes are not a formal part of our AA philosophy of life. Since this is true, some may claim the Absolutes should be ignored. This premise is approximately as sound as it would be to suggest that the Bible should be scuttled.
The Absolutes were borrowed from the Oxford Group Movement back in the days when our society was in its humble beginning. In those days our founders and their early colleagues were earnestly seeking for any and all sources of help to define and formulate suggestions that might guide us in the pursuit of a useful, happy, and significant sober life.
Because the Absolutes are not specifically repeated in our Steps or Traditions, some of us are inclined to forget them. Yet in many old time groups where the solid spirit of our fellowship is so strongly exemplified, the Absolutes receive frequent mention. Indeed, you often find a set of old placards, carefully preserved, which are trotted out for prominent display each meeting night.
There could be unanimity on the proposition that living our way of life must include not only an awareness but a constant striving toward greater achievement in the qualities which the Absolutes represent. Many who have lost the precious gift of sobriety would ascribe it to carelessness in seeking these objectives. If you will revisit the Twelve Steps with care, you will find the Four Absolutes form a thread which is discernible in a sober life of quality, every step of the glorious journey.
The Four Absolutes Honesty.......Unselfishness.......Love.......Purity We walked into this large group of which we had heard so much, but had never attended. From the vestibule we saw a placard on the corner of the far wall which said "Easy Does IT". We turned left to park our coat. We turned back and there on the other corner of the same wall was a twin placard which said, "First Things First". Then facing to the front of the room, high above the platform we saw in the largest letters of all, "But for the Grace of God". Then as our eyes descended, there directly on the front of the podium was another with four words, "Honesty, Unselfishness, Purity, and Love".
In the next ten minutes as we sat unnoticed in the last row waiting for the meeting to start, many thoughts tumbled through a mind that was really startled by this first face to face meeting with the four Absolutes for a very long time.
We started to grade ourselves fearlessly on our own progress toward these Absolutes through long years of sobriety. The score was a pitiful, lonely little score. We thought of a fine lead recently heard in which a patient humble brother had told his story, and had mentioned his overwhelming sense of gratitude as an important ingredient of his fifteen years of sobriety.
And in listing things for which he was so grateful, he mentioned how comfortable it was to be completely honest. Certainly he meant nothing prideful. He simply meant that he told his wife and friends the truth as best he could, had no fishy stories to reconcile, was honest with money and material things, etc.
This was a truly grateful, humble fellow. Certainly he did not resemble the man pictured in the cartoon, speaking to a large audience, pounding on the table and with a jutting chin proclaiming in a loud voice that he had more humility than anyone there and could prove it.
But just think of "complete honesty". Is it not the eternal search for the truth which is endless, and in which none achieve perfection?
What do the four Absolutes mean to most of us? Words are like tools. Like any other tools they get rusty and corroded when not used. More importantly, we must familiarize ourselves with the tools, understand them, and ever improve our skill in their use. Else the end product, if any, is pathetically poor.
We thought of a dear friend in the fellowship, prone like other alcoholics to move quickly from one hobby or interest to another, without really doing much with any of them. (Does that sound like someone you know?) Once this friend decided that working with his hands would solve some problems, quiet his nerves, perhaps help him to achieve serenity and balance. So he reviewed an impressive collection of tool catalogues with friends already addicted to the woodworking hobby.
He bought a large expensive collection of tools, and a lot of equipment. He hired a carpenter to build a shop in his basement, install the equipment, and make custom-built racks to house the tools. But in the end not one shaving and not one tiny bit of sawdust graced its floor. The idle tools serve just as will did to keep our friend occupied while he doesn't go to meetings, do Twelfth Step work or engage in other happy activity in AA.
How many of you will be completely honest and admit that you have put the four Absolutes in the attic, a little rusty from non-use perhaps, but none the worse for wear? Give or take a little, how many of us who still maintain the workshop for the Absolutes, will admit that not too many shavings or much sawdust from our activity have ever graced its floor? Or even assuming that the activity has persisted, how many will admit that the end product did not win a prize for its quality?
Such lack of quality can only mean lack of objectives or lack of all-out effort toward such objectives. We must recognize the Absolutes as guideposts to the finest and highest objectives to mortal man. But recognition is not enough. We must use the tools.
Honesty Over and over we must ask ourselves, "Is it true or is it false?" For honesty is the eternal search for truth. It is by far the most difficult of the four Absolutes, for anyone, but especially for us in this fellowship. The problem drinker develops genuine artistry in deceit. Too many (and we plead guilty) simply turn over a new leaf and relax. That is wrong. The real virtue in honesty lies in the persistent dedicated striving for it. There is no relaxed twilight zone, it's either full speed ahead constantly or it's not honesty we seek. And the unrelenting pursuit of truth will set you free, even if you don't quite catch up to it. We need not choose or pursue falsity. All we need is to relax our pursuit of truth, and falsity will find us.
The search for truth is the noblest expression of the soul. Let a human throw the engines of his soul into the doing or making of something good, and the instinct of workmanship alone will take care of his honesty. The noblest pleasure we can have is to find a great new truth and discard old prejudice. When not actively sought, truth seldom comes to light, but falsehood does. Truth is life and falsity is spiritual death. It's an everlasting, unrelenting instinct for truth that counts. Honesty is not a policy. It has to be a constant conscious state of mind.
Accuracy is close to being the twin brother of honesty, but inaccuracy and exaggeration are at least "kissing cousins" of dishonesty. We may bring ourselves to believe almost anything by rationalization, (another of our fine arts), and so it's well to begin and end our inquiry with the question, "Is it true?" Any man who loves to search for truth is precious to any fellowship or society. Any intended violation of honesty stabs the health of not only the doer but the whole fellowship. On the other hand if we are honest to the limit of our ability, the basic appetite for truth in others, which may be dormant but not dead, will rise majestically to join us. Like sobriety, it's the power of example that does the job.
It is much simpler to appear honest, than to be honest. We must strive to be in reality what we appear to be. It is easier to be honest with others than with ourselves. Our searching self-inventories help because the man who knows himself is at least on the doorstep of honesty. When we try to enhance our stature in the eyes of others, dishonesty is there in the shadows. When falsehood even creeps in, we are getting back on the merry-go-round because falsehoods not only disagree with truth, they quarrel with each other. Remember?
It is one thing to devoutly wish the truth may be on your side, and it is quite another to wish sincerely to be on the side of truth. Honesty would seem to be the toughest of our four absolutes and at the same time, the most exciting challenge. Our sobriety is a gift, but honesty is a grace that we must earn and constantly fight to protect and enlarge."Is it true or false?". Let us make that a ceaseless question that we try to answer with all the sober strength and intelligence we have.
Unselfishness At first blush, unselfishness would seem to be the simplest of all to understand, define and accomplish. But we have a long road to travel because ours was a real mastery of the exact opposite during our drinking days.
A little careful thought will show that unselfishness in its finest sense, the kind for which we must strive in our way of life, is not easy to reach or describe in detail. In the final analysis, it must gain for us the selflessness which is our spiritual cornerstone, the real significance of our anonymity.
Proceeding with the question method of digesting the absolute, we suggest you ask yourself over and over again in judging what you are about to do, say, think or decide, " How will this affect the other fellow?"
Our unselfishness must include not merely that we do for others, but that which we do for ourselves. I once heard an oldtimer say that this was a 100% selfish program in one respect, namely that we had to maintain our own sobriety and its quality before we could possibly help others in a maximum degree. Yet we know that we must give of ourselves to others in order to maintain our own sobriety, in a spirit of complete selflessness with no thought of reward. Ho do we put these two thing together.
Well, for one thing, it points up that we shall gain in direct proportion to the real help we give others. How many of us make hospital calls simply because we think that we need to do it to stay sober? Those who think only of their own need and who reflect little on the question of doing the fellows at the hospital some genuine good, are missing the boat. We know, for we used to make hospital calls in much the same way that we took vitamin pills.
Then one day in our early sobriety, we were asked to call on a female patient. There weren't enough gals to go around in those days and the men were called in to help. Never will we forget the anxiety on the way to that nursing home. And after nearly two hours of earnest talk we left one of the noblest women we will ever meet, worried about whether we had helped, or hurt, or perhaps had accomplished nothing at all. Some of her questions stayed with us. We thought of better answers later on, and returned to see her several times.
We are helped on our long journey to unselfishness by our great mission of understanding which sometimes seems as precious as the gift of sobriety itself. But the quality cannot be confined alone to that which we do for others. We must be unselfish even in our pursuits of self-preservation. Not the least of our aid to others comes from the examples of our own lives.
Is there any protection against that first drink which equals our thought of what it may do to others, those whose unselfish love guided us in the beginning, and those whom we in turn guided later on? We are again reminded of the lat verse of an anonymous poem:
"I must remember as I go Though sober days, both high and low, What I must always seem to be For him who always follows me."
Love We often learn more by questions, than by answers. Did you ever hear a question that caused you to think for days or even weeks? The questions which have no easy answer are often the key to the truth. However, in this series on the four Absolutes, we are concerned with the questions we should be asking ourselves over and over again in life. The integrity of our answers to these questions will determine the quality of our life, may even determine the continuance of our sobriety.
The old song tells us that love is a many splendored thing. In giving it we receive it. But the joy of receiving can never match the real thrill of giving. Consider that this great mission of love which is ours is seldom experienced by the non-alcoholic, and you have a new reason for gratitude. Few are privileged to save lives. Fewer have the rich experience of being God's helper in the gift of a second life. Love is a poor man's beginning toward God. We reach our twelfth step when we give love to the new man who is poor today, as we were poor yesterday. A man too proud to know he is poor, has turned away from God with or without alcohol. We have been there too. But if he has a drinking problem, we can show him the way through love, understanding and our own experience.
When we live for our own sobriety, we again become beggars in spiritual rags, blind once again with the dust of pride and self. Soon we shall be starving with the hunger of devouring ourselves, perhaps even lose sobriety, Love is "giving of yourself" and unless we do, our progress will be lost. Each one owes the gift of this second life of sobriety to every other human being he meets in the ceaseless presence of God, and especially to other alcoholics who still suffer. Not to give of himself brings the desolation of a new poverty to the sober alcoholic.
When we offer love, we offer our life; are we prepared to give it? When another offers us love, he offers his life; have we the grace to receive it? When love is offered, God is there; have we received Him. The will to love is God's will; have we taken the Third Step? Ask yourself, "Is this ugly or is it beautiful?" If it's truly beautiful then it is the way of love, it is the way of A.A., and it is the will of God as we understand Him.
Purity Purity is simple to understand. Purity is flawless quality. Gerard Groot in his famous fourteenth century book of meditation, has an essay entitled, "Of Pure Mind and Simple Intention", in which he says, "By two wings a man is lifted up from things earthly, namely by Simplicity and Purity. Simplicity doth tend towards God; Purity doth apprehend and taste Him."
Purity is a quality of both the mind and the heart, or perhaps we should say the soul of a man. As far as the mind is concerned, it is a simple case of answering the question, "Is right, or is it wrong?" That should be easy for us. There is no twilight zone between right and wrong. Even in our drinking days we knew the difference. With most of us, knowing the difference was the cause or part of the cause of our drinking. We did not want to face the reality of doing wrong. It isn't in the realm of the mental aspects of purity that our problem lies. We can all answer the question quoted above to the best of our ability and get the correct answer.
It's in the realm of the heart and spirit that we face difficulty. We know which is right, but do we have the dedicated will to do it? Just as a real desire to stop drinking must exist to make our way of life effective for us, so we must have a determined desire to do that which we know is right, if we are to achieve any measurable degree of purity. It has been well said that intelligence is discipline. In other words knowledge means little until it goes into action. We knew we should not take the first drink, remember? Until we translate our knowledge into the action of our own lives, the value of it is non-existent. We are not intelligent under such circumstances. So it is with the decency of our lives. We know what is right, but unless we do it, the knowledge is a haunting vacuum.
In discussing unselfishness we mentioned that it includes more than just doing for others. We repeat that it includes all that we do, since much of our help to others comes through our own example. Nowhere is this more true than in the decency and rightness of our life. Were we to contemplate the peace and contentment that a pure conscience would bring to us, and the joy and help that it would bring to others, we would be more determined about our spiritual progress. If our surrender under the Third Step has not been absolute, perhaps we should give the Eleventh Step more attention. If you have turned your will and your life over to God as you understand Him, purity will come to you in due course because God is Good. Let us not just tend toward God, let us taste of him.
In Purity as in Honesty the virtue lies in our striving. And like seeking the truth, giving our all in its constant pursuit, will make us free even though we may never quite catch up to it. Such pursuit is a thrilling and challenging journey. The journey is just as important as the destination, however slow it may seem. As Goethe says: "In living as in knowing be intent upon the purest way."
The Absolutes - A Summary Our consideration of the absolutes individually leads to a few conclusions. The Twelve Steps represent our philosophy. The Absolutes represent our objectives in self-help, and the means to attain them. Honesty, being the ceaseless search for truth, is our most difficult and yet most challenging objective. It is a long road for anyone, but a longer road for us to find the truth. Purity is easy to determine. We know what is right and wrong. Our problem here is the unrelenting desire to do that which is right. Unselfishness is the stream in which our sober life must flow, the boulevard down which we march triumphantly by the grace of God, ever alert against being sidetracked into a dark obscure alley along the way. Our unselfishness must penetrate our whole life, not just our deeds for others, for the greatest gift we bestow on others is the example of our own life as a whole. Love is the medium, the blood of the good life, which circulates and keeps alive its worth and beauty. It is not only our circulatory system within ourselves, but it is our medium of communication to others.
The real virtue is in our striving for these Absolutes. It is a never-ending journey, and our joy and happiness must come each step of the way, not at the end because it is endless. Cicero said, "if you pursue good with labor, the labor passes and the good remains, but if you court evil through pleasure, the pleasure passes and the evil remains." Our life is a diary in which we mean to write one story, and usually write quite another. It is when we compare the two that we have our humblest hour. But let's compare through our self-inventory and make today a new day. Men who know themselves, have at least ceased to be fools. Remember if you follow the Golden Rule, it's always your move too. To love what is true and right and not to do it, is in reality not to love it, and we are trying to face reality, remember? The art of living in truth and right is the finest of fine arts, and like any fine art, must be learned slowly and practiced with incessant care.
We must approach this objective of the Absolutes humbly. We pray for these things and sometimes forget that these virtues must be earned. The gates of wisdom and truth are closed to those wise in their conceit, but ever open to the humble and the teachable. To discover what is true and to practice what is good are the two highest aims in life. If we would be humble, we should not stoop, but rather we should stand to our fullest height, close to our Higher Power that shows us what the smallness of our greatness is.
Remember our four questions, "Is it true or false?", "Is it right or wrong?", "How will this affect the other fellow?", and "Is it ugly or beautiful?". Answering these queries every day with absolute integrity, and following the dictates of those answers one day at a time, will surely lead us well on our journey toward absorbing and applying the Absolutes.
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Success...has so many subjective interpretations and theories, that one persons skewed perception should not be considered the norm. If the stereotypical mainstream society wants to brand me as being "unsuccessful", that is, then they will -regardless. My real concern at this juncture in life, is to maintain what I have; My Sobriety and Serenity -one day at a time.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Wednesday 30th of March 2011 12:43:21 AM
-- Edited by Mr_David on Wednesday 30th of March 2011 12:45:25 AM
I want to talk about the movie in the clip. Into the wild. What a wonderful film. I love, love , love the epiphany he has at the end .................dying emaciated , dehydrated , alone in the wilderness guts churning in agony , he's finally and totally excomunicated himself from society and his final act is to scribble on a piece of paper. happines.........only real.............when shared.
Amen. God bless the sharing and the fellowship forever and ever.
Dean: Truly I was tongue in cheek in my reply, but I am like you, I did start my own business for the same reasons you did, the "rebel", "not part of the herd", "rugged individualist" "I am the 1 in 10" "all those people are lemmings" but these were all the things the europeans were saying to me as they rolled with helpless laughter....it was like being stripped naked in school, it was very much a life altering experience finding out that my small life of rebellion was in fact a cultural norm, kind of like all japanese as they rush off to office jobs imagining themselves as Miyamoto Mushashi, Japans most famous Samurai in the books written by Eiji Yoshikawa
@Mr David Give that top Youtube clip a view, it explains the conformity experiments, it's easy to say we shouldn't "allow" one person to distort our reality, but studies show that is exactly what happens, it's a biological response, with quiet responses (writing down answers on paper) we give the correct answer 97% of the time, but having to answer in front of a group who all give the "wrong" answer, humans statistically begin to go along with the herd
@Rob Thank you so much for that, great response and definately food for thought as well, they don't "teach" the four absolutes where I am from, and the truth is I am ambivelant about them, meaning I have strong feelings on both sides of the issue, sometimes I strive for absolute truth, I mean I really really do, and others I exagerate, or straight up lie to myself or others and I don't always catch it, I do the best I can but my self justifications are pretty insidious, I mean the paragraphs that you posted describe me perfectly, I'm good at appearing honest, but how honest am I really? and I am not talking about to you or others but to myself, I mean what was it that Bill wrote, with a proper display of integrity and honesty we use those for tools to manipulate others without ever having those qualities, even manipulating ourselves, allowing these character defects here as a reward for having those character integrities there...definately something to strive for, the four absolutes, but my mind snaps shut like a rubber band thinking the people who wrote this stuff were hypocrites so I don't have to ponder them, blah blah my mind is relentless in it's pursuit of stupidity you know what I mean? it defends it's position with the dogged determination of a cornered rat, I will have an epiphany and 5 minutes later be displaying the same character defect I just thought I had let go....so yeah...it's a process
@Jamie, "happines.........only real.............when shared." This is a debate I have had with myself and my father for 20 years, with me taking your position, but the truth is I don't know, I don't think it's that simple, because the truth is you can't "share" happiness
I will try to explain, my father is a pretty sharp cookie, and has become somewhat of a Taoist hermit that lives in the woods and does art...does carving and sculpting, teaches others both carving and taoism, he's popular for a hermit as far as hermits go, but there it is, anyway he says to me years ago "Anything real can't be shared, and the moment you tell someone, it halves it's power" I was new to AA then, and vehemently disagreed, and described the process I was going through, the feeling that I was growing with a group of people for the first time in my life and it was terribly exciting
Aah he said but "the Tao can be explained isn't the Tao, and that which can be named isn't the Tao" the Tao being "the way(things are)" and he's right
I can only share with you that which you have experienced yourself, take the steps for example, the truth is we can only discuss the steps if you have completed them yourself, and even then all we can describe is the structure which we have built...otherwise it's us giving an opinion about something we never experienced, consider working the steps like being a blind man that builds a house, you will never see my house and I will never see yours, but we can describe our experiences in building the house, describe the feel of walking up the steps, and being inside the room, but until you build your own house, there is no "sharing" of the experience, because you have none (experience) with building the house....so we are...alone...when we build the house, for me working the steps was...how to explain...for the first time in my life the sense of belonging was terribly exciting, walking with others was...exhilerating...but as my spiritual journey progressed past spiritual kindergarten it suddenly got incredibly lonely, I was going where no one else could follow, now granted afterwards, I could talk about these experiences with others who had made the same journey, but the journey itself was an incredibly lonely and solitary one
a few years ago I was building a house miles down a dirt road that I knew no one would ever see, as I was building it I kept hearing a nature channel, a discovery channel voice over "watch the pathetic human build a nest no one will ever visit...watch his pathetic strugggles as he builds a nest that will never attract a mate" Shut UP SHUT UP I'd say to the voice and start channeling Kevin Costner in Field of Dreams "If you build it, they will come if you build it they will come" "see the poor human try to justify his behavior, see how sad and lonely he is SHUT UP!!!!!!
It was horrible, I was building a house I knew no one would ever share with me, much less visit it was so isolated in the country
THAT was an experience that....happiness is only real if shared applied to, but for me, true communion with God, well one aspect of it at any rate, can NOT be shared, it HAS to be a solo journey, catching the perfect wave, riding an actual rhythm of the planet caused by the sun, and moon, and rotation of the earth, literally riding a rhythm of God CAN'T be shared
does all that make sense?
Some growth can only happen in excruciating isolation and loneliness, and some happiness is only real if shared for me, for me it takes/took that excruciating loneliness to be open enough to feel the hand of God come down and touch me and that is something I can't share, it's like I saw a new color, we'll call it nutzerflickapoo, and I can try to tell you about this color, but unless and until you also invent your own color, we can't share it, and even then all we can share is our process of inventing this color and how we keep it alive today, but I will never see your color, nor you mine, but we can teach others "the steps" to "see" their own color too...
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
I qet my raw bee pollen from a american quy who's name is Mushashi lol. He was born in Japan, and is a bee keeper. He brinqs his pollen to my house in a cooler with ice. Yummy stuff, I've been eatinq it daily for 12 years.
I can only share with you that which you have experienced yourself,
Aha. That's my point exaaaaaaaactly. We are all having an individual experience that as you say is an experience unique to, and experienced only by he who hath that experience. But heres the kicker that I love so much , what we share in AA and if truth be known with all spiritual seekers ( true seekers) is that we are indeed having an experience. It's not in our minds , we aren't dreaming it up so we can not drink Jacky Daniels anymore we aren't deluded, this is the real Sheet . I can come to a meeting and hear you share from the heart of your being, your very fricken being that things have been weird, wonderful , deep, meaningful , awesome, trippy, awful, great , whatever.................better than you ever dreamed in a million years that life could be sober . And I am joining with you in the knowledge that my experience is really happening to me too, because you went through your own version of this thing that when it happened to you was yours and right here right now is mine.
As your Dad said, you haven't named "it" because "it" was in the experience "it's" already been and gone" you have only described that you have had an "it" and THATS what I'm there in the AA to have confirmed, to enjoy, to nod agreeably when you share about . That I had an experience. I got sober and stuff got really GOD like and maaaaaaaaan ...............what a hellova ride.
