The thing I've heard from so many of my AA fellows is that once they got sober, they suddenly had all these FEELINGS they had been numbing with booze that they now had to deal with... all kinds of emotional highs and lows, etc.
I feel weird because I'm the opposite. When I was drinking, everything was a big drama. Now I just feel much more "normal" -- nothing is that big of a deal, positive or negative. I take things much more in stride.
I don't mind, I just wonder if anyone else has experienced the same thing.
I was like that from year 1 to 4. The first year was a screamer, massive highs deep, deep lows. Then a sort of numbness gradually giving way to a more normal range of feelings. Gradually the feelings have become more intense, but not exactly a roller coaster. Someone told me that feelings follow thoughts so if you can change your thoughts you can change your feelings. Takes practice though.
-- Edited by bikerbill on Sunday 27th of March 2011 08:02:54 PM
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Yes-you are not alone in that! I too got off an emotional roller coaster when my sobriety stabilized, and am very grateful to be on a more even keel. I feel my feelings, fully, and they seem to be so much more in keeping with what's actually going on, internally and around me. I think having a power greater than Self in my life has a lot to do with it.
After the alcohol had been gone for a while I attended counseling at the VA Alcoholism Center where I lived. I got my present definition for feelings/emotions versus thoughts from my VA counselor. He once asked me how I felt about being treated badly by a female realtionship and I responded, "Like shit". "So" he says in response, "you feel like a lump of warm, mushy, smelly stuff that a dog leaves in your front yard?" God was this guy dumb...he just didn't get it and then abandoned the issue while my head was still working it. I held up my hand to stop him from changing the subject and asked him what was his definition of a feeling and the look on his face told me that he thought I was dumb. He attempted another tack and I stopped him again, "what is your definition of a feeling?". He got it that time...I didn't know beyond my definition and so he said, "Feelings are an inside reaction to an outside event". To which I responded "Then I feel so (effing) pissed off I could kill someone!! I AM ANGRY!!"
There I got it and I was soooo pleased with myself until he told me that we needed an agreement or else further counseling was not possible. "Sure" I said, "What's the agreement?"..."That you don't come across the room and attempt to beat me if I ever say or do anything that makes you angry." That event introduced me to a deep remorse and the first ever experience of feeling shame. I didn't like feeling either of those.
I just love the song GG...and the subject. ((hugs))
I initially had some ups and downs (think Titanic, Mauna Loa, Hurricane Katrina) but it stabilized quite a bit except for those big landmark upsurges, the old timers told me don't worry about getting in touch with my feelings because they will be getting in touch with you, and as time went on I learned what "more will be revealed" meant, the big lesson for me was to pay attention because when this stuff DID start coming up it pretended it was something else, deep rooted anxiety and unresolved fear issues became financial insecurity, stuff like that, so I held still long enough for the "stories" to pass and got help digging around from professionals
Many of us, including me went through periods of "emotional numbness", which didn't mean I didn't feel anything, for me it just meant what I was feeling didn't seem to match the stimuli, it could be nothing, it could be an over-reaction, but learning emotions wasn't as easy as the stories in my mind said it was
Emotional Overreaction or Numbness
Persons with emotional problems in sobriety tend to overreact. When things happen that require two units of emotional reaction, they react with ten. It is like holding the times key down on a calculator. You may find yourself becoming angry over what may later seem a trivial matter. You may feel more anxious or excited than you have reason to be. When this overreaction puts more stress on the nervous systems than it can handle, there is an emotional shutdown. If this happens to you, you become emotionally numb, unable to feel anything. And even when you know you should feel something, you do not. You may swing from one mood to another without knowing why.
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
I feel more comfortable, now, than I did back when. I guess...that has a lot to do with the serenity I feel today. "Emotional sobriety" is the key to lasting serenity; at least I feel it is. I don't get worked up as much, now, as I did back when, and I have God to thank for that, and his wonderful gift of grace.
~God Bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 29th of March 2011 01:41:41 AM
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 29th of March 2011 01:43:21 AM
