so yesterday eileen had some of my stuff droppedoff at my house from her house. All my vinyl but nothing to play them on. Lots of photos of the kids when they were little. Road maps by the dozen. Wine goblets and decanter????? Wedding photo on top of the pile. 30 years worth of old screws and buggered tools. Four old cameras. Slide projector. It's all very weird. Where's me hi fi? Where's me fishing tackle. Where's me Guzzi? She still got those. Hey ho, there ain't no material possession there that I can't replace if I want to.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
so a phone call to tell me that she feels bereft and lonely but that she accepts that it's over. And did I feel like that 5 years ago in a scummy bed sit and 4 and a half years ago in a cold flat? Yes I did. And how can I hurt her like this? And how can I move on so easily? Well when your wife and son and daughter only want you on their terms and you Tried to drink away the pain and that didn't work then you have only two choices. Grow or die.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Moto quzzi? Btw, conqrats for not beinq available on a part time basis. It sounds like your x has reqrets, that's a qood siqn. It means that you have value and she shouldn't have taken it for qranted. Worse thinq in the world, beinq taken for qranted and carinq more for someone that pretends to care, not so much about you. Amazinq how much that used to captivate me. Nowadays not at all.
My exes were also human...go figure. They had thoughts and feelings and I was clueless about that. It could have been conversation and negotiation however I was too closed in for that...too into protecting myself from what I perceived as being attacked all the time. That was my perception and they had theirs. We were too afraid and hurt to talk about it. Getting over fear of and fear from and fear to was huge in this program. Love is the absence of fear and the opposite is also true.
I can talk with all sorts of program brothers and sister about feelings and don't permit myself to talk about those humanities with some others; honestly because I am afraid. When I can remember and call upon my ability to love unconditionally the fear goes away and I can listen and then share with anyone.
Might want to suggest the Al-Anon Family Groups to her Bill so that she can get some compassion and acceptance and understanding from others who have lived on that side of the disease. That is if she hasn't already.
Jerry - thankfully she engaged with Alanon 3 weeks ago. In fact she's so engaged with it that after 3 meetings she can take my inventory from afar, point out where my programme is failing me, advise how best I can address my lack of programme and still maintain her programme.
Shit man, 3 weeks and she's already step 10'ing on me.
But really, God bless her, I am grateful that she is getting good support from the sisterhood of perpetual vengeance, as we lovingly call 'em in these parts. When I dropped the bombshell, the first person she called was her sponsor and the second was the stand in, who came racing round to be with her.
It's still too late for us though.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Jerry - thankfully she engaged with Alanon 3 weeks ago. In fact she's so engaged with it that after 3 meetings she can take my inventory from afar, point out where my programme is failing me, advise how best I can address my lack of programme and still maintain her programme.
Shit man, 3 weeks and she's already step 10'ing on me.
But really, God bless her, I am grateful that she is getting good support from the sisterhood of perpetual vengeance, as we lovingly call 'em in these parts. When I dropped the bombshell, the first person she called was her sponsor and the second was the stand in, who came racing round to be with her.
It's still too late for us though.
Aaah the "newcomer" 10th step
continued to take your inventory and when you were wrong promptly told you about it in great detail and tried to make you admit it, especially as it relates to you working your program incorrectly
I....ummm....never handled that particular dynamic very well, on either side of the ball
Thank God for other members of the fellowship when I called said "hmm, new? 3 weeks? let me guess, she now knows so much about your program she's taking your inventory and telling you all the ways you are doing it wrong"
I respond nearly as bad to that as when I share something and the newcomer with zero experience corners me after the meeting and gives me "advice" about "what I should do"
Then I remember it reflects their spiritual growth and not mine, that is if I can thank them and walk away saying to myself "forgive them Lord, they know not what they do"
-- Edited by LinBaba on Tuesday 22nd of March 2011 12:04:31 PM
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
