Well Doll. A freind of mine, on this board, shared something with me--not that long ago, and Im just sharing with you.

As much as we chase love, and wish to be loved, unconditionally--by someone else--sometimes we just hafta give up chasing and trying--where unconditional love does not fully exsist.

Any relationship, that has conditions put on it, is not a full unconditional loving relationship.

And, youre not alone. We bang our heads against a wall--and we give, until we are incapable, of giving, any more. It drains us--spiritually, emotionally, and physically, beyond beleif.

Its noones fault, and theres really noone to blame.

I was incapable of showing unconditional love, for a long time. Took a while before learning how. There are a lot that cant, and thats just the way it is.

Whether it be the way some were scripted at an early age, being hurt in the past, and hiding behind walls, fear--or whatever. I cannot change another person.

 Hell-I ran around like a chicken, for a long time, trying to prove trust-trying to show love-the whole ball of wax. Even tho they are a great person and could give that 90 percent--they were incapable of giving that other 10. They hung unto that 10 percent--because of fear, and insecurities, and tried to control.

 It destroyed the relationship. And yu know? It wasnt their fault, It was because of something that happened a long time ago-and really had nothing to do with me. I couldnt be myself, and was always walking on egg shells, because of it all.

I gave, until there was no more to give, and got physically sick, because of it all.

There are stages to go through, when going through this stuff. Youll make it--whatever you decide. Youll be ok.

Yu know? When one door closes--another opens. A Higher Power has proven that to this kid.

I have someone in my life today that I dont hafta chase that love stuff around, any more. I give it unconditionally, and I receive it back unconditionally--without expectations.

I can tell you, thats its unbeleivable. Its so unbeleivable, that its scary. (Smile)-But Im walking through that damned fear-nomatter what-and putting myself out there 100 percent again. The big difference is--Im getting 100 percent back.

 Its good. Its so damned good. And I know that one day at a time, and the different levels and stages, that 2 people go through, its going to stay that way.

We are good loving people Doll. You dont deserve the half assed stuff. You deserve it all!!

When we let go of the river bank--we will be led towards the ocean. Go with the flow gal. With Faith in yourself--in the process-and in God(as you understand Him) You cant loose!   Big Hug!!

Ps-Im going to be in your area in a couple weeks. I got your number. And yes-wele hook up for coffee. Thats a promise, my AA freind.

You take care of number one. And everyone on this board cares for you, from their hearts. You know it!!