Hey Everyone! Three weeks ago today my wife's sister tried to kill herself by overdosing on pills after some family dysfunction and domestic violence.Today there is a peace which we all have received.My wife is okay,my mother in law is back in Florida,the sister is getting intensive outpatient treatment and my 14 year old nephew has been placed in a teen center.During this period I have been able to reflect back and see how we were able to weather yet another of life's storms. The Triangle Of Obsession,RAF(Resentment,Anger and Fear) was replaced by ALF(Acceptance,Loveand Faith)instilled by applying spiritual principles in my life(our lives,wifes also) .Realizing my Resentment(She has always caused family grief since she was 12, now 42)Anger(calling my wife from ICU and saying she was responsible for her trying to commit suicide cause she never visits kids,doesnt visit her that much,its her families fault,no one loves her) and Fear(seeing my wife taken on ownership of some of the insanity of her sister and feeling afraid for her well being.and seeing my mother in law ,up from Florida ,to see if she can help ,total Dimentia,depression,Althizmers,etc also concerned for her condition)I was able to surrender all to my Higher Power,apply principles of Acceptance(she is very sick,from our disease(alcoholism/drug addiction)and secondary disease mental unstability.Love(I unconditionally love her even though we do need distance I love her as God loves me)and Faith(Trusting in God's infinite wisdom and ability to handle all things,which truly brings us peace..In my active years pre 1959 through 12/2/84,I always lived in that Triangle of Obsession,but today,through my Higher Powers grace and applying our principles,the Steps,the solution,in my life I have learned to continue to free myself by saying honestly whats on my mind(I told Diane I had a tremendous resentment after she was released and also I loved her rather than just let it simmer and have the poison eat me alive...Our family is still shaken.but this too has passed and we move forward.Thanks for support and prayers during our time of trial.Today was Dianes birthday and we were able to give her some cupcakes,and a hug and tell her we love her,things I could never do while caught in the grip.No doubt,with God all things are possible!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Mahalo Mike ... my recovery is always better when someone lays the foot map out in front of me like a picture...yes I do have to have others draw me a picture and then today that is followed by gratitude rather than self pity. You draw a good map and it helps me to give another name to something similar that I just went thru using the same pre-program behaviors. Nothing near as chaotic as a suicide attempt and family misfortune and dysfunction and then it doesn't have to be huh? All I gotta do is Ease God Out of my life and try to go it by myself and some smaller stone will trip me into the trail.
I appreciate you share...I can and will use it. Glad all things are quiet for you and the family now and you have another notch in your Let go and Let God tool.
This is good stuff, Mike! It brings me hope to envision this type of change in my outlook on life, too. I can see a glimpse, a beginning of this happening in my everyday world, but I fall back into old habits of thinking from time to time...especially at work and in relationships (both of which I'm trying to avoid ;).
My issue is I am simultaneously working an AA program and doing some codependency work and learning about boundary setting. So, am I supposed to forgive and love my annoying coworkers who do rude things as they may too be sick (as suggested in AA), or am I supposed to set boundaries with them and tell them they can not bulldoze me and treat me with disrespect (as suggested in CoDA)? It's a bit confusing. It seems safer to focus on AA principles right now, at 8 months sobriety, as I'm not really good at setting boundaries yet and they might turn into amends if I botch them up.
At any rate, thank you again for your wonderful and insightful share, and I am inspired by your positivity. Thank you for your thoughts on your Higher Power. I will do some more praying and meditating and ask God to help me find clarity. Heather
Amazing how these things play out when we have a sober perspective to protect us, and enable us to have some compassion even in the face of the sad and harmful stuff that these conditions provoke-thanks for being the walking Big Book that you are!
Mike...my aunt has pulled those kinds of tricks on my mom and dad for my entire life. She is in and out of the mental hospital on a monthly basis. She lived off my grandparents and blamed them for all her problems until they passed. Now my parents are executors of her trust fun and she is always biting the hand that feeds her. She has never worked and her view on life is so warped. She is a perpetual angry victim. The clinicial names for her condition are Bipolar Disorder coupled with a Borderline Personality. I guess every family has one of these. I feel for you.
P.S. - The bipolar doesn't make her act the way she does really.....It's the borderline personality disorder. You might try looking it up cuz it describes some of what you are talking about with your sister in law (in addition to addiction) Mark
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