A friend of my who is a alcoholic (he had been sober for years), has been a great source of encouragement for me the last few years. He is a devoted Christian and we have had some of the best talks. He helped with identifying my problem with alcohol and encouraged me to attend the first AA meeting. I love the guy.
I was going to let him stay with me for a couple weeks as he worked in town. It was way for me to step out of my comfort zone and help a friend in need. He called earlier asking for directions, but he didn't seem coherent. He made it over, but things weren't right. I was sure that I smelled alcohol on his breath and he didn't act quite there... blamed on no sleep due to work. I've had little experience with alcoholics (the paradox being my alcoholism) so I can't be certain.
I confronted him about it. He denied it.... blamed it on mouthwash. I want to believe him. Had I only smelled it when he first came by, I might, but the smell was as strong when he left as it was when he arrived. Bottom line, I can't let him stay if there is a potential risk to my sobriety. I want to help, but I have to help myself first. I feel somewhat guilty about it, but... I am responsible for me.
I hope I'm wrong about him and that he has not started drinking again, though it would make me feel like a complete a$$. But I'd rather be a sober a$$ than a drunk friend.
If you had more sober time under your belt it might not be so dangerous. This early on, it would not be a good idea. You are right, better safe than sorry.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
See this is why I believe having a spiritual experience is so important in this program. For one conscious contact with God brings with it better "knowing" of whats right and wrong and that would have told me , when a newcomer has been inspired by you and is looking to you for an example of this thing we have in AA, if you are going to then drink for F***s sake don't then let them see you drunk. How selfish is that ?
We talked last night and he admitted that he had been drinking. I told him that I loved him, but my sobriety came first. I also have my daughter half the time and she is not going to be subject to two alcoholics in the house. He understood and appreciated me calling him out for it.
It felt great to have a clear head and to be able to make a good decision. It was empowering.
2 weeks sober yesterday. He had been a big help dealing with issues regarding my first wife. He knew nothing of my problems with alcohol.
I've had enough chaos in my life the last 14 months. His reasoning behind his drinking was chaos. I need peace. I need time to deal with my own problems and learn to be comfortable in my own "sober" skin before I take on the problems of his magnitude.
The other reason is my 10 year old daughter. Her mother and I share equal custody so stays with me half the time. I will not invite more instability into her life.
Jasper, you did exactly right. You listened to your feelings about this, your intuition (or your Higher Power) told you it was unsafe to have him in your house and around your daughter, and you made a good decision. That is great boundary setting and it sounds like this fellow needed to have a boundary set. You are not telling him you won't be his friend and a help to him on his journey in a different way, you are just saying that your own sobriety must come first. That is a self-loving act, and we must love ourselves before we can truly love others. Good on you for putting you AND your daughter first. Heather
I feel good about the decision because was able to use sound judgement for not only me and my family, but I think for him, too. And later, he thanked me for calling him on his BS.... he said he had no other friends that would do that for him. But most importantly, I feel good about the decision.
Now I have a string of consecutive good decisions... surrender to God's will, stop drinking, join and participate in AA, devote time to learning about me, remain committed to my wife even though she has moved out and is not speaking to me and now, dealing with a friend in need. These are decisions that I could not have made three weeks ago.
Today, I wrote down 10 goals that I want to achieve this year. 3 of the top 5 were devoted to me... and I don't feel guilty about it.
