Please Help

jimdadin · Member

Please Help

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jim. Welcome. Im Phil, and your story sounds very familiar.

We loose trust and faith that others have in us, through alcohol. We make promises, and go through all sorts of stuff, but as committed as we are to others,and ourselves-- we pick up a drink, and poof--it all goes out the window.

Staying sober one day at a time--attending AA meetings on a regular basis-getting a sponsor--and trying to work the 12 steps to the best of our ability is really what its all about, my freind. And Just For Today. The days add up.

We didnt get the way we are overnight--and it takes time to restore faith and confidence in ourselves--as well as others doing the same.

There are no half measures with this stuff. Ive tried it all.

Its a "Willingness to go to any lengths to stay sober-and a willingness to be better and do better--and it all takes action, on our part."

Been down the roads youve been down--as a lot of here have. --so youre no different from the rest of us.

Its an addiction, and it doesnt just mean putting down the drink. Grab a Big Book buddy, and A 12 and 12--babybsteps forward.

Do what you wanna do for you, and gotta do for you. The rest will all come together with time.

Share with us here, anytime. We care about you. Phil.

Phil · MIP Old Timer

HOW IT WORKS

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

Remember that we deal with alcohol—cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power—that One is God. May you find Him now!

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.

Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
That God could and would if He were sought.

Taken from Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 5

jimdadin · Member

Thanks so much Phil. A few encouraging words can make a difference. I appreciate your help.

wagon · Senior Member

well jim i came in here about four months ago and been sober for 8 months and i was in your shoes. not exactly but very close to it. i thought there was no way i could beat this. drinking was my life and i would do anything for the high. if you stick it out and with HELP from aa and e aathe miricale can and will happen to u. im proff of that . it a simple program that iis very hard. you got yo want it. and it gets easier as time goes on one day at a time . again welome and god bless u wagon

Sick of being sick · MIP Old Timer

Cunning, baffling, powerful. Alcohol is all of that. It's grip is frightening at times. Especially after we wake up the next morning. The day before that, it can have such sweet charm. The idea of blissfull numbness crawls into our brains and our bodily and emotional cravings feed it.

Phil hit it on the head. We have to become so terrified, so disgusted, so tired of the battering we receive from alcohol, that we develop a willingness to go to any lengths to stay sober. The grip of alcohol is different on each of us, so we each have to determine what those lengths are.

I have friends who initially went through the "spin dry" as they called it, then, after the 30 day lockup and therapy, they still had to attend AA meetings everyday for 90 or more days after that. On top of all that, they also filled every spare moment they weren't working by reading the Big Book and any other literature they could get their hands on.

If you are lucky enough to have AA meetings available daily, as my friends did, you may have a bit of a time explaining to your spouse and family why you have to spend an hour or so of your time every day, but if they see the rewards of your sobriety, and if they get into alanon, they will want to be supportive of you. And believe me, as is explained in the Big Book, making amends sometimes is simply being willing to change your self and the rest of your life so that you don't do any more harm. As the days and months of sobriety go by, you will find acceptance and joy in those who are closest to you.

Your friends here will pray for your serenity and sobriety, as I will.

Dan

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Welcome Jim.

There's not much I can add to what's already been said.. So, I have copied and pasted Phils words, I believe they are the answers to your questions.

It's true, it takes time and work. You're worth it, and so it your family. And you all will be amazed before you're half way thru......

Phil writes:

"Staying sober one day at a time--attending AA meetings on a regular basis-getting a sponsor--and trying to work the 12 steps to the best of our ability is really what its all about, my freind. And Just For Today. The days add up.

We didnt get the way we are overnight--and it takes time to restore faith and confidence in ourselves--as well as others doing the same."

Youre in my thoughts and prayers, Doll

cheri · Senior Member

Welcome to the board, Jim...great to have you. I would say all the same things as the others have said, and add one thing...You sound as if you would like to get step 8...Made a list of all persons we had harmed and were willing to make amends to them all...started. Ok great...but the steps are in order for a reason. We must have a firm grasp on recovery and a spiritual foundation before starting this step, otherwise we may do more harm than good.

So, get a sponsor, work the steps- in order- and take the time you need to do it right.

TIME--Things I Must Earn

Love, cheri

leejosepho · Member

jimdadin wrote:

I hope I'm doing the right thing by posting here. Truth is, I'm not real sure of anything I'm doing lately ...

I think it's safe to say that I am an alcoholic! I have only recently made the decision to work hard at being a better person and that's where I would appreciate your help ...

I realize that not drinking is only part of improving my lifestyle and that of those around me, what I can't seem to grasp is how do I make up for all the pain and distrust that I have caused so many people ...

My wife is supportive and very caring, but also very reluctant to believe anything I say anymore ...

I guess you could say that I'm scared to try to right my wrongs for fear that I'll fail and never have another chance.

Greetings, Jimdadin!

Posting here certainly will not cause you any trouble, but just like anywhere, we sometimes have to be careful about just "whoowhat?" we listen to, eh?!

Your admission of uncertainty is definitely something well known to me. When I first got sober, I could not have managed to pour water out of my boots even if the instructions had been on the bottoms.

Yes, it sounds like it might be safe for you to say you are an alcoholic, but if you are like me, trying to be a better person is going to take some specific help from someone who truly knows how that can actually happen for people with egoes and personalities like ours. And if you like, you are certainly welcomed to write to me: leejosepho@hotmail.com

"Making up" for our harms to others is pretty much an idea you will have to abandon. At least, I sure did. For, you see, that water has long been gone past under the bridges we burned along the way anyway. However, there truly *is* a way to make some very impressive amends and do quite a bit better in the future if you might be willing to hold off for just a bit until we get a little farther on "down the path", so to speak.

Might this be your "last chance" to become a right husband, father and so on?

I dunno, but I can tell you it sure helps if you "begin the process" as a last-gasper. In other words, I never got anywhere at all until I finally got all done trying to "do it my way" while still on my way (without realizing it) to my very own "death on the throne", if you get my drift.

Got a "Big Book"?

-- Edited by leejosepho at 18:38, 2005-09-17