Learing to be average

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Learing to be average

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Steve, those thoughts are good for acceptance, humility, and a guard against perfectionism, but I wouldn't put limits on what you can achieve. As tough as this economy has been, there is still a lot of opportunity. I went to meetings with folks that slept behind dumpsters, got sober, went to college and did very well in a profession. There are a lot of fields, that pay well, that are in high demand, especially in the medical field. Radiology techs train in less than 2 years and make around 6 figures, for example. I'm a high school drop out and have been a carpenter since leaving high school. I started my own business, when I had 6 months of sobriety and have been self employed, building wood decks ever since (21 years now). It has been very good to me, and of course I feel like if I could do it anyone can. I see my HP as a spiritual father that wants me to be loved, succeed, be happy, and be prosperous. Learning how to set some attainable goals and working toward them is key. I hope that I'm not taking a philosophical discussion and turning it into a practical one. lol

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

SteveP wrote:
Since I've been sober, and I've actually started finishing things at the age of 43, I'm kind of having a return to the childhood dreams, that anything is possible, that now I can make up for lost time, for all of the non-sober failure.
In other words, I want to try and reclaim all that great potential that I had when I was young and that I flushed down the toilet owing to depression, distorted thinking and of course alcoholism.

Thing is, the AA tools help me to see the folly and pride of that stuff -- I've got responsibilities that I can't just run away from. Not to mention, at the age of 43 with my kind of work experience, I can't live the dream. Some friends of mine (sober) back home have tried and they, by their own admission are only inches from a cardboard box on the street.

Pray, own up to this with my sponsor, you name it, I still can't lose that pride and grandiosity, that "I deserve better than this and now that I'm sober I can get it" thinking.

Average, garden variety drunk, that's what I am. Just can't seem to make myself realise it. I'm not special, I don't deserve anything. Yet the tape keeps playing that that grand, dream life is just around the corner, IF ONLY...

Steve

There are only two ways to live your life... One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle. -Einstein-
In AA miracles become commonplace, one of these miracles is watching my friends dreams come true, some dreams are large, some dreams are humble, but they all are coming true, some travel, some start their own business, I don't think it's "grandiose" to want to live your dream, I have had many dreams come true, I have walked away from some, and sabotaged others but I attained them, I always get what I wanted, I always get what I work for

I have friends that travel the world, that have incredibly successful businesses, i mean that were living in caves before sobriety, friends that go to asia and buy a motorcycle, ride around for a year then sell the bike for the ticket home, sobriety IS about having our dreams come true

When I was new I was soaking up all of AA's wisdom I was at a meeting and I heard someone say, "Do what you love and the money will follow" and I thought it was "AA", rather then just some trendy book that was floating around

So I did it, and started carving stone, on day 3 I sold a piece for $350 dollars, on day five I sold a piece for $750 dollars, I started carving wood and I sold my first piece for $3000 dollars, so I became a sculptor

I was living on the beach in Mexico surfing 4 months a year, I had a great house in a beach town, and I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I was "living the dream"

Later on I decided I wanted to start my own company, when I started moving that direction things started falling in place, and within a year I owned my own business

Over the years people have asked me "how did you do this?" They felt stuck in jobs etc and they had a dream but nothing was happening, I'd tell them, "Just do it"

The one thing I have learned is that people live lives just exactly as large as they can imagine, that includes me, when i have a limited imagination, I have a limited life

I don't believe having humility and squashing your dreams are the same thing, I put limits on my life, and it's always my own stupidity that does so, I sabotage my life, I wreck my life because of "old ideas" that I don't really deserve it

an old timer once told me to stop planning on disaster, to start practicing what I would do once I got successful, that success was harder to live with then failure....he was right...when my life is limited it's because I am limiting it, every time I have gotten successful I have pulled down my life around my ears in a series of senseless sprees, and I don't necessarily mean by drinking

We get what we want in Sobriety, and truthfully, our prayers DO get answered, we just need to be clear about what it is we are praying for, and we need to be able to learn to have the emotional maturity to handle what life gives us, for me, especially success, because the truth is I do "failure" and "disaster" a lot better then success because I have more experience with it, so I just have to be careful that's not what I create in my life

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Wow, thanks Dean and Lin. Awesome stuff. Really, really inspiring. Especially about where you've seen AA take other people and yourselves. Yet another thing I love about this fellowship.

You made me feel a lot better just reading this stuff.

Really like your work, Lin -- that's incredible.

Sure enough its the emotional sobriety that is the key. It's interesting how a lot of the old thinking -- of planning for disaster, as Lin's old timer put it -- can still be in there. Part of all this also is the influences on me from my early life. My dad died of cancer when he was 45, when I was a kid, and I'm 43 now. I guess that the sense of urgencyand yearning to do something different soon is partially coming from that (compare the planning for disaster comment).

Of course I AM LIVING THE DREAM already -- I am sober today and God willing will be tomorrow, I've become part of the worldwide AA fellowship and have felt better than I ever have before. I guess, it's like what the BB says in a different context, being able to distinguish the true from the false. Which is, does my HP want me to do something or is it still me wanting to do something.

Steve

gladlee · Senior Member

I never cease to be inspired by the success stories in the fellowship!

This thread made me think of Step Twelve in the 12x12... there is so much great information in it, but this part, in particular, has always stayed with me....

"Our desires for emotional security and wealth, for personal prestige and power, for romance, and for family satisfactions - all these have to be tempered and redirected. We have learned that the satifaction of instincts cannot be the sole end and aim of our lives. If we place instincts first, we have got the cart before the horse; we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment. But when we are willing to place spiritual growth first - then and only then do we have a real chance."

We are all born with natural talents and abilities which God gives us to use, to help us survive. But the steps remind me, it's not all about ME anymore. "How best can I serve thee?" I don't believe it's wrong to live abundantly, as long as we use our unique talents to serve humanity...idk, I think this is what it's all about...? I used to ask, "what's in it for me?" It didn't work out very well.

I'm still trying to figure it all out too, I do wish my life looked differently. I am grateful for your post though because I often see-saw back and forth between faith and trust to... "sh*t! I gotta figure this thing out!!!!!" This was good for me. Thanks (((everyone)))

-- Edited by gladlee on Wednesday 23rd of February 2011 02:28:27 PM

-- Edited by gladlee on Wednesday 23rd of February 2011 03:27:06 PM

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

PS One of the things I have always done in sobriety is shop for the people who "have what I want" and then ask them how they did it, I go where they go, I do what they do until I get what they got, I don't ask a factory worker how to make my sculpting dreams come true, you know? I ask the people that have achieved their dreams, and in every case, they just "did it"

I have a friend that started making jewelry, I suspect she might be one of the most popular jewelers in the world right now, she has the covers to ALL the magazines, cosmo, elle, the last few years the sports illustrated swimsuit girls wear bikinis and...her jewelry,,,she's HUGE now, and she started out a hippy chick waiting tables living with a drunken carpenter...she just. did. it. Now she travels all over the world and other jewelers vie to sell jewelry in her stores, like big time Italian famous jewelers trying to get into her manhattan location...

I go to those people for that bit of my sobriety, truthfully, next i might find someone like dean to get inspired and rolling on starting another business soon, I sold my last one to take over my family restaurant, sunk all my $$$ into that and when it went under I went under with it so the last few years have been trying to climb out of that hole

I finally got my 2 bedroom house with a workshop and a garage and a spare bedroom (plenty of space to carve) and JUST started finishing an old unfinished piece (the last pic) so I may look into starting another business (which I have done before) which gives me a lot of downtime and start carving, so I am right there with you Steve, rebuilding my life from the floor up at age 45, it's not as easy as it once was, but what makes it harder is me and my attitude, I'm less apt to jump off the cliff and ask for help half way down, but either God is or he isn't, and so far he's only let me hit the pavement when I was particularly stupid, it wasn't always comfortable (understatement) but I was always cared for, I always ate, and things always worked out, and I always ultimately achieved whatever it was I put the work in for, it didn't always look like I thought it would when I got there but I always arrived

Oh it's a mystery to me.
We have a greed, with which we have agreed...
and you think you have to want more than you need...
until you have it all, you won't be free.

When you want more than you have, you think you need...
and when you think more then you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.
I think I need to find a bigger place...
cause when you have more than you think, you need more space.

There's those thinkin' more or less, less is more,
but if less is more, how you keepin' score?
It means for every point you make, your level drops.
Kinda like you're startin' from the top...
and you can't do that.

Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.
Society, crazy indeed...
I hope you're not lonely, without me
Society, have mercy on me.
I hope you're not angry, if I disagree.
Society, crazy indeed.
I hope you're not lonely...
without me.

-- Edited by LinBaba on Thursday 24th of February 2011 01:47:49 AM

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

Dreams can come true, but you gotta work for them. My dream? Modest enough, just to do a serious days work for the serious days pay I earn. Current reality - I do too damn much for the money. But I'm learning. I've been on leave all thsi week and guess what? I transferred my phone, delegated my e mail and ahven't felt the need to log on and check that the business isn't going down the pan because I'm not there. Yes, I've realised I'm not indispensible. I've realised that lot's of things are none of my damn business. I'v elearned that I don't have to rescue anyone.

Maybe if I had a bigger dream, I would need to take the risk and take action. Take a leap of faith as Dean and LB have done.

But just to inspire you a little more, my mate in the fellowship has gone from unemployed and unemployable, to casual work, to working minimum wage on permanent nights in the UK to restarting his career as a nurse on a chemo ward. In Australia. He got married just over a year ago, went to Australia on honeymoon, came back and moved heaven and earth to get back to Oz, get a work permit and get a job. He went on a tourist visa for a year, applied for a working visa when he got there. His wife was young enough to get an automatic working tourist visa. They subsisted on her wage for nearly 10 months before he got his 4 year working visa and leave to apply for resident status. They left everything they knew here - including the cat, who I fostered and who get's transported to Oz at the end of next month.

All this didn't just happen. He had a dream, found out how to make it happen, took his courage in both hands, asked for help and took the leap of faith.

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Great stuff, guys, love these stories and experiences! Thanks!

Steve

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

SteveP qet a little note book (for qoals) and write down a couple thinqs that you would like to see happen in the next 6 months. One small, one medium, one larqe.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_jeDcpasYS1o/SNTut_IKT_I/AAAAAAAAACY/lxyY-AET44I/s400/check.png

print this blank check, write it to yourself for $100,000 and then tape it to the ceilinq above your bed, so that you see it every nite and day, see what happens.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 25th of February 2011 08:07:01 AM

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Dean, thanks man! Will do just that.

Steve