When I first came into the AA program I had no idea that it had such a spiritual foundation. When I realized this, I had no problem at all. I actually welcomed it. I've always believed in a loving, caring, forgiving God. He never turned his back on me, I turned mine on Him because of the shame and guilt I felt while drinking. When there were enough days between drinking I always "found" my way back to Him. I never stopped praying or worshipping thru the years of my drinking for any long length of time, I know what God has done in my life and the lives of others. However, it pissed me off at times that some AA's would introduce themselves as Grateful Recovering Alcoholics and one even says "God blessed me with the disease of alcoholism". I could not wrap my brain around that. How could the God that I believe to be loving and forgiving, curse me with alcoholism. I see now that I was kicking and screaming about it. I began to feel resentment toward God. I knew if I didn't get a "handle" on that feeling I was going to relapse. So, last night, I scanned the BB for whatever I could find that would put me back at ease, atleast for the night. I came upon Freedom From Bondage, pp 544. "The medical profession would probably tell me I was conditioned for alcoholism by the things that happened to me in my childhood" . And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Had God not allowed me to become an alcoholic, I would have become MY MOTHER. And there is no program for that disease, whatever it may be...........Maybe it sounds silly but it was an aphany for me....... I feel like a weight has been lifted. I'm right with God today and with the AA program. All is well and can only get better....
Much love to you all
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
What a great post...you are really starting to understand this program. I used to wonder why people would be grateful to be alcoholic, too. I think in the beginning most of us do. I wish I could remember where I saw a poem about the lump of clay that had to be pounded down and shaped, fired and refired, then painted and glazed to become a beautiful teacup. Probably on the board here.
Anyway, my theory about why we are alcoholic is that for some of us, it is a survival mechanism. I don't think I could have llived thru some of the things that happened to me....and I had to experience all of it in order to be the person I am today. The joy and freedom today are gifts that I wouldn't have had had I just quit drinking and never grown spiritually.
And there is no program for that disease, whatever it may be...........Maybe it sounds silly but it was an aphany for me....... I feel like a weight has been lifted. I'm right with God today and with the AA program. All is well and can only get better....
