Run, don't walk, to the next, nearest, aa meeting. Listen to what is said. Tell them, or anyone what you said here.. You need one on one talk with someone to help you today, not tomorrow, not after your 48 hours are up. You are reaching out for help. Go get it. The hand of AA is there whenever, whoever needs it. It is not for any of us to decide if you are alcoholic or not. It is your decision, and your choice if you want to start the steps to get your life back under control. If you go to a meeting, and if you decide that it is not for you, then go get some help in a woman's center, or a shelter. Don't put it off. Obviously, you need help now, today, while you are ready to accept it. Please. Reach out. Go now. Find someone to visit with you one on one.

That was harsh. Do you only accept fellow alcoholics into your life? Or is there room for those of us that probably are but may be confused and or scared?

Whenever someone, somewhere reaches out to the hand of AA, I will be there.. For that I am responsible.
that is not an exact quote, but close enough.

Bianca reached out to us.
She is in need.
She is at the turning point.
She is trying and trying to figure it out.
She is struggling with the question, am I or am I not.
Everyone's bottom is different.
WE are not to judge.
we are here to help.

I believe this to be true. Your not ready to join our fellowship yet. When your ready to change, and not drink EVER again (one day at a time) then you'll be welcomed with open hearts and open arms.

We are not here to Judge
We are here to help.
Telling someone that only THEN will she be welcomed with open arms is WRONG.
IF someone told me that when I was asking for help I would be dead today.
It was not only harsh, it was turning away a person that was asking for help.
Don't tell me that is not the way it was meant, or that I interpreted it wrong.
It is the way SHE saw it when she was asking for help.
I know, because I talked to her.
I am appalled by that post sir.

absolutely gladlee...

When I first stepped into AA I didnt think I wanted to quit drinking for the rest of my life either.. Because I didnt know, what I didnt know. My higher power got me into AA. I sat and I listened and I learned that I was an alcoholic. I truly didnt know. I just thought I had a colorful life and I got into trouble a little more then most. I now know I dont want to ever drink again. I dont think its fair to say that someone is not ready for the program unless they are mad and crazy from the disease. We all have different levels and there are some of us who never knew there was an other way. Im glad I found AA even tho it took time and patience for me to understand why I never wanted to drink again. So if you feel like your not ready to never drink again. Sit down have a cup of coffee and at least learn about a life with no alcohol thru AA and then make the decision. It will not be time wasted.

-- Edited by SUSIE on Friday 18th of February 2011 08:16:28 PM

Welcome to MIP:

I want to echo what Susie and others have said, because I had the same experience.  At my first AA meeting, I did NOT believe I was an alcoholic, nor was I intending to stop drinking for anything like a month, even.  That did not matter.  I went, I continued to go, I stayed sober in between meetings, and somewhere around 2 weeks or so, "the light came on."  I practiced what the older members told me:  listen to the similarities instead of the differences, learn to put "yet" on the end of any statement by any A.A. member about something I hadn't done, etc.  I got a sponsor at about 30 days sober and began applying the 12 steps with her guidance.  The Program works, even if we do not believe at first that we belong in A.A.

Please go to an A.A. meeting now.  The best time to go is now before your mind begins to tell you you don't need to go.

And, keep posting here to let us know how you're doing.

Love,

BGG

I'm sorry, that last post was not meant for most of you. Just those of you who made me feel as if I don't belong in your alcoholic click.

Beonks84 wrote:

---

Should probably work on your wording ZZ and Klaatu. The next person who comes along asking for help may actually want to give up and off themselves because of the unwelcoming you've given. Thanks again.

---

Welcome Beonk, we are ALL glad you are here, even Klaatu, Ferris and ZZ

The point they were trying to make is AA only works if sobriety is the most important thing in your life, it usually doesn't work for "real" alcoholics who aren't done with their drinking, although every single one of us has had a seed planted somehow, somewhere that eventually got us to AA, or we wouldn't be here, So, absolutely feel free to drop by a few "open" meetings and give a listen, they will help you get an idea of whether you are truly an alcoholic or not and whether you may want to quit drinking far more then this forum, maybe they will plant a seed that will bear fruit later in life if you ever decide you want to quit drinking

AA is for alcoholics with an honest desrie to stop drinking, although we welcome EVERYBODY at our open meetings -to listen- , people with problems with alcohol, friends, spouses and family members are all welcome to come and -ask questions-

In AA we don't evangelize or try to get people to stop drinking that don't want to stop, AA is not for people who need it, AA is for people who want it, inpatient Rehab is for people who need it, not AA, AA is for people who are willing to go to any length to get sober, unfortunately it takes "the gift of desperation" for AA to work

I do have one question for you and that is "How is you running your life working for you so far?" You talk about the relationships you have had, your deep unhappiness, your drinking problems,

Alcoholism is a two fold malady of an obsession and delusion of the mind (that tells us we aren't -that bad- and we have a strange mental blank spot where when it's time to drink we don't remember how bad it is for us even when we are trying to quit) and a physical allergy, where once we put alcohol into our system we can't stop, this takes many forms, for some of us we can't stop drinking every day, some are periodic, some are bingers, what we all have in common is at some point we lose control of our alcohol intake, for me it was maybe 1 in 5 times, maybe 2 in 5 where I meant to just have "one or two" and the next thing I knew it was 1 or 2...AM....When I drank I couldn't tell you what was going to happen, who I was going to sleep with, or whether I would get behind the wheel of a car blowing a 35, those didn't always happen but I couldn't promise you they wouldn't once I started drinking

Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count.

How true this is, few realize. In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.

The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"

When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or to permanently insane. These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcohoholics throughout history. But for the grace of God, there would have been thousands more convincing demonstrations. So many want to stop but cannot.

There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self- searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you discover a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous, find out all you can about him. If he does not want to stop drinking, don't waste time trying to persuade him. You may spoil a later opportunity. This advice is given for his family also. They should be patient, realizing they are dealing with a sick person.

If there is any indication that he wants to stop, have a good talk with the person most interested in him usually his wife. Get an idea of his behavior, his problems, his background, the seriousness of his condition, and his religious leanings. You need this information to put yourself in his place, to see how you would like him to approach you if the tables were turned.

Sometimes it is wise to wait till he goes on a binge. The family may object to this, but unless he is in a dangerous physical condition, it is better to risk it. Don't deal with him when he is very drunk, unless he is ugly and the family needs your help. Wait for the end of the spree, or at least for a lucid interval. Then let his family or a friend ask him if he wants to quit for good and if he would go to any extreme to do so. If he says yes, then his attention should be drawn to you as a person who has recovered. You should be described to him as one of a fellowship who, as part of their own recovery, try to help others and who will be glad to talk to him if he cares to see you.

If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him. Neither should the family hysterically plead with him to do anything, nor should they tell him much about you. They should wait for the end of his next drinking bout. You might place this book where he can see it in the interval. Here no specific rule can be given. The family must decide these things. But urge them not to be over-anxious, for that might spoil matters.

Usually the family should not try to tell your story. When possible, avoid meeting a man through his family. Approach through a doctor or an institution is a better bet. If your man needs hospitalization, he should have it, but not forcibly unless he is violent. Let the doctor, if he will, tell him he has something in the way of a solution.

When your man is better, the doctor might suggest a visit from you. Though you have talked with the family, leave them out of the first discussion. Under these conditions your prospect will see he is under not pressure. He will feel he can deal with you without being nagged by his family. Call on him while he is still jittery. He may be more receptive when depressed.

See your man alone, if possible. At first engage in general conversation. After a while, turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Tell him enough about your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak of himself. If he wishes to talk, let him do so. You will thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed. If he is not communicative, give him a sketch or your drinking career up to the time you quit. But say nothing, for the moment, of how that was accomplished. If he is in a serious mood dwell on the troubles liquor has caused you, being careful not to moralize or lecture. If his mood is light, tell him humorous stories of your escapades. Get him to tell some of his.

When he sees you know all about the drinking game, commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic. Tell him how baffled you were, how you finally learned that you were sick. Give him an account of the struggles you made to stop. Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism. If he is alcoholic, he will understand you at once. He will match you mental inconsistencies with some of his own.

If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic, begin to dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady. Show him, from your own experience, how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power. Don't, at this stage, refer to this book, unless he has seen it and wishes to discuss it. And be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusion. If he sticks to the idea that he can still control his drinking, tell him that possibly he can if he is not too alcoholic. But insist that if he is severely afflicted, there may be little chance he can recover by himself.

Continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness, a fatal malady. Talk about the conditions of body and mind which accompany it. Keep his attention focussed mainly on your personal experience. Explain that many are doomed who never realize their predicament. Doctors are rightly loath to tell alcoholic patients the whole story unless it will serve some good purpose. But you may talk to him about the hopelessness of alcoholism because you offer a solution. You will soon have you friend admitting he has many, if not all, of the traits of the alcoholic. If his own doctor is willing to tell him that he is alcoholic, so much the better. Even though your protege may not have entirely admitted his condition, he has become very curious to know how you got well. Let him ask you that question, if he will. Tell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely. If the man be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a Power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual principles.

Go peek out a meeting, go to a few, go to some speaker meetings, it doesn't matter whether you get sober now or not, but it will give you a good idea where to come when you finally do decide to get sober, you will find friendship and a warm welcome whether you decide to get sober or not

and don't worry about Klaatu and ZZ that's the approach we are given as men, a very blunt "shit or get off the pot" approach, they meant no harm, and what they said was right, just a bit blunt for someones first approach to AA

Admittedly I did LOL at your original post by the way, you said you were great at giving OTHER people advice (a sure sign of alcoholism by the way, I can not only look down on people with my face in the gutter, I can give them advice about what they SHOULD do instead from my lofty perch) try reading it as if you are someone else, read about the relationship issues, the unmanageability of your life and drinking, the jobs, the boyfriend you are losing, and ask yourself what advice you would give someone with such a trainwreck for a life that lost jobs and boyfriends and etc etc

Give it some thought, I'm seriously interested in hearing what you would tell this mythical person to do

 

-- Edited by LinBaba on Friday 18th of February 2011 11:02:01 PM

Plenty of my sober friends came into AA without the intent to stop drinking forever. In fact, a woman at my meeting tonight just shared that she had 20 years sobriety this week, and when she thinks about it she is amazed, because she came to AA just to "get things under control" and never intended to stay sober forever. But once she got sober, things became clearer. Maybe that's you.

Welcome.

GG

Klaatu wrote:

---

 

Beonks84 wrote:

---

Thank you guys so much for your POSITIVE and uplifting posts. That is how I feel. I feel like, everyone has problems in their life, so what, everyone deals with those problems differently, so what. I myself, feel my problems would dissipate if I did not drink. No, I am not ready to give it up, or to admit that I am powerless. Does that mean I do not belong in a program that is founded on helping those of us who reach out for help?! I am not going to deny the power that alcohol has given me. I battle with it just like you Klaatu and ZZ. I think about my drinking, whether I am drinking or not, more times in one day than I can keep track of. It has been like that for at least four years. And I'm 26! I have crashed my vehicle and almost killed myself. I have given up friends because I would rather stay home and drink. I have lost a job that i love because of my drinking. Now am I worthy of your all and powerful AA foundation?
I am reaching out for help before I fuck it all up completely. So, brother, an alcoholic is all or nothing. And how many times have you failed at your all?
Just because you are working the steps doesn't mean you belong here more so than I Klaatu. Thank you for your support.

---

"The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking."

This is AA's 3rd tradition.  If you have a desire to stop drinking, as I said before WELCOME TO OUR FELLOWSHIP.  I'm sorry you think I'm being harsh, but that's just the way it is in AA.  If you have a desire to stop drinking, you are welcome.  If your desire is to stop drinking temporarily or learn how to control your drinking, you will not find that here.  I can't share my experience on how I learned to control my drinking, because I'm an alcoholic and can't do it.  I think you'll find that honesty is a VERY large part of our program, and I'm simply being honest with you.  Try going to a meeting and see if you can relate to anyone who may have the same experiences as you do.  You may find that your not an alcoholic after all.  On the other hand, you might just realize there's something to "stopping drinking forever."

Brian

 

---

I might be wrong, but from what I understand, she doesn't WANT to be a member of AA, nor even quit drinking, but she does have a problem with alcohol

One needn't be a member to attend an open meeting, and she will be welcomed BY EVERYONE with open arms, we accept people who's wives make them attend, who are sent by the courts, friends and family of alcoholics, many of them do recover

We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witchburners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it.

When you discover a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous, find out all you can about him. If he does not want to stop drinking, don't waste time trying to persuade him. You may spoil a later opportunity. This advice is given for his family also. They should be patient, realizing they are dealing with a sick person.

If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him.

If he is not interested in your solution, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets hurts some more.

But point out that we alcoholics have much in common and that you would like, in any case, to be friendly.

Let it go at that. Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself.

 

Well said Dave!

Thanks sis. AA can be pretty powerful, but like anything, just manage your expectations. We're not counselors and we don't always have the perfect thing to say right at hand. We do want to help though.

Do go to some meetings. The first thing you need to do is find a way to stop and get through the withdrawal symptoms initially. Do be thinking about that, just take it one step at a time.

Bianca, the progression of alcoholism is slow and insideous. I'm going to try and urge you to attend some meetings at least to learn more about the disease because you are already sounding fairly progressed into it and you are only 26. It took me until I was 36 to hit rock bottom and I pray you don't wind up there. I never lost my job, wound up on the street...and I always said "If I get a DUI...or If I crash my car drunk." Okay...well eventually I did crash my car drunk....Why wait for the inevitable "not yets" to happen?

What I read in your posts was that alcohol has negatively affected (in some way) just about every area of your life. It is making you miserable and yet you still say "I am not ready to give it up." Okay, that is addiction speaking and if you really sat back and thought about it you would get scared by how much that statement doesn't make sense. I knew I needed to come to AA for about 2 years before I just broke down and surrendered. There is not a whole lot I can do to help you get to that point other than to say...Don't wait until you are at the point I got to. Yes you are only 26...that is young to be thinking about stopping anything "for life." Don't even think about it that way.

Look at it this way. You have a lot to figure out in life. You don't know for sure what makes you happy. You don't know how to have a relationship that meets your needs, you are not being the type of parent you want to be. NOTHING is going to come together as long as you keep drowning yourself in alcohol. You are not going to learn how to live and you will not mature the way you are supposed to if you go through life drunk as much as you are. Trust me...this is what happened to me. When I stopped drinking,  I came to recognize I had the emotional maturity of a teenager... I had tantrums, cried all the time...angry outbursts... I clung to relationships that were unfulfilling (even with another alcoholic) because I had drank myself into feeling like crap about myself and believing I couldn't make it on my own. Some of this you are already describing.  I had to go through this painful maturation process at 36...You have the chance to do it at 26!  What a gift in my eyes. 

One byproduct of alcoholism and addiction is that it also tends to make us extremely self-focused and self-centered.  We are hypervigilent to negative feelings, attempt to drink them all away and then don't learn to cope with life at all.  While we might go through the motions of life...we feel screwed up to the core because we are not being a worker amongst workers, a friend among friends, and those that have children are unintentionally being neglectful due to being stuck in a state of emotional and spiritual inertia.

So...what is drinking really doing for you that is good? Nothing. What is drinking potentially harming or stopping you from? Everything.

You DO sound like you are in the right place and PLEASE dont waste another 10 years getting to the point to where I got to. Don't waste another day even.

Lastly, a misconception I had about AA was that it was only about stopping drinking. What I found out a few months in was that it was more about building me into a more socially connected, spiritually sound, capable, and confident person. Recovery is not just abstinence from drinking...it is a way of life and I wish I had not waited so long to claim recovery for myself.

Please keep coming back.

Mark

-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 19th of February 2011 10:46:31 AM

-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 19th of February 2011 10:50:19 AM

Well said Brian! :)

Well said Dean :)

I'm not banking on her liking what I wrote, but at the end of the day (or year) most of what I remember is when people told me how it works, even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear at that moment. I struggled for 2 years, going to meetings and relapsing about every month or two, trying to do it my way. I suffered the consequences (lost marriage, lost job, lost friends, lost self esteem, and lost my mind for awhile). I "came to believe" when a senior member agreed to sponsor me and laid out how F'ed up my thinking was. I could rationalize just about anything, it was sad.

The ONLY requirement for membership is a DESIRE to stop drinking. It does NOT say it has to be an honest desire, or a sincere desire. Just... a desire.

Gratefully, nobody ever stood at the door, raked me over the coals demanding to know the nature of my desire before they let me in.

"Great suffering and great love are AA's disciplinarians; we need no others."


Again............ welcome ((((B))))

Beonks84 wrote:

---

Thanks Dave. And your right. Last night after reading some of your posts, I felt I was not welcome and maybe I should not pursue in being an active AA member. I do know that drinking has caused major problems in my life. And major problems within myself. I am confused about it, confused about my drinking, and tired of what it has caused in my life. I would like to go to a meeting and see whether or not it is for me. I would like to know what the 12 Steps even are. And hopefully like some of you, I will allow that light to turn on. But right now, I am bitter about it. About the realization that I HAVE lost control over my drinking. I cannot stop at will. I never said I wasn't willing to change. I want my life better. And I want my control back. I came to this post in hopes that my curiousity to go to AA would be confirmed. That yes, I should go, because yes, I am powerless over this disease. So, there you have it.

---

It's normal to be confused and bitter, and more than a little mixed up. Alcohol will tell you anything it thinks you want to hear so it can stay a part of you life. It's hard to know what to think when you realise that it has been selling you a lie for so long and you are not sure if you can trust your instincts anymore. Just remember that nobody walks into AA because life is great and they are on top of things. I looked and felt like a dog's breakfast at my first meeting but if you stick with it, it WILL get better. And you WILL get better.

It's good that you know you are powerless. Keep that thought and it's lies will lose their power.

I am trying to take into account what everyone has said without confusing myself even further. Thank you for asking. And Pink, yes, you are the advice giver that uplifts me into knowing that the practice of sobriety for me is something that I need to strive for. I am happy for all of you that are here and working the steps, working on yourselves and figuring out how to make life work for you. Not to sound harsh but, Open arms in a time of need is what counts, whether you put it harshly or not. I am a big girl and can take critisicm. I criticise myself constantly, I'm a pro at it.
I like to hear others' stories. It gages where I am at. The thought of a life without drinking intrigues the hell out of me and scares me tremendously at the same time. I seem to keep telling myself, like others, that I will quit after a certain event. (There is a Birthday party next weekend, a girls weekend away coming up, etc.,) But again, who am I kidding, it doesn't matter if there is an event or not. Monday's, Tuesdays, Wednesday, etc., are an excuse for me. I even rationalize in saying things like, I'm having fish sticks for dinner tonight, can't have fish sticks without beer. Unfortunately, I feel like the way to quit for me, I'd have to lock myself in a room and shut the phone off, lose all of my friends, shut out my family, and put myself in handcuffs so I didn't try to escape to the package store. I can not see myself at any type of function, activity or event without drinking. Whether it be family events or outtings with friends, I always make sure whereever I am my beer is in tow. It's been the only constant thing in my life for the past, five years, at least. It has become a part of me. And I would not even know how to function, or be, without it.

Beonks84 wrote:

---

I am trying to take into account what everyone has said without confusing myself even further. Thank you for asking. And Pink, yes, you are the advice giver that uplifts me into knowing that the practice of sobriety for me is something that I need to strive for. I am happy for all of you that are here and working the steps, working on yourselves and figuring out how to make life work for you. Not to sound harsh but, Open arms in a time of need is what counts, whether you put it harshly or not. I am a big girl and can take critisicm. I criticise myself constantly, I'm a pro at it.
I like to hear others' stories. It gages where I am at. The thought of a life without drinking intrigues the hell out of me and scares me tremendously at the same time. I seem to keep telling myself, like others, that I will quit after a certain event. (There is a Birthday party next weekend, a girls weekend away coming up, etc.,) But again, who am I kidding, it doesn't matter if there is an event or not. Monday's, Tuesdays, Wednesday, etc., are an excuse for me. I even rationalize in saying things like, I'm having fish sticks for dinner tonight, can't have fish sticks without beer. Unfortunately, I feel like the way to quit for me, I'd have to lock myself in a room and shut the phone off, lose all of my friends, shut out my family, and put myself in handcuffs so I didn't try to escape to the package store. I can not see myself at any type of function, activity or event without drinking. Whether it be family events or outtings with friends, I always make sure whereever I am my beer is in tow. It's been the only constant thing in my life for the past, five years, at least. It has become a part of me. And I would not even know how to function, or be, without it.

---

I like how your honesty has unfolded in the course of this thread, and truthfully every single person here told you the truth, from welcoming you to the ones telling you if you aren't ready to quit AA isn't the place for you, it's all true, yes you will be welcomed, and No AA doesn't work for people who don't want to quit, but what I especially like is the two sides, the "good cop bad cop" as it were, because if everyone here would have just given you fuzzy kitten hugs with frothy emotional appeal and "support" as you call it, I don't think you would have gotten as honest as you did.

Together, the frothy emotional appeal with warm fuzzy kitten hugs "support" kept you coming back so the people telling you the cold stark realities would also be heard, I notice you went from not being ready to quit to opening up and doing a pretty comprehensive first step

If that aint God workin in your life I don't know what is, and I aint Christian

Bill's right, this aint AA nor even a reasonable facsimile thereof, get the hiney to a meeting and see for yourself what AA has to offer, as I stated before, hit a few meetings, try a speaker meeting

I was warmly welcomed when I came to my first meeting, I was made to feel at home, and I did, I felt not "alone" for the first time in my life, I found "my people", shortly thereafter I was called on my bullshit and told the people there knew how to stay sober and I didn't, and I should sit down, shut up and listen, because they knew how to help others get sober, and they promised me I never had to drink again...and not be consigned to a life where I was stupid, boring and glum, within a week I was hanging out with a guy who had a few decades in sobriety, and he said "Cmon, lets go break laws in sobriety" so we went motorcycle riding at high speeds on windy mountain roads

Sobriety is a blast

I look for the people who know what alcoholism is and tell me the truth today, because that to me is support, that to me is love, Klaatu is right, as is Dean, we tell the truth here, but Dave and Glad are right too, we also offer love, I have people in my life now that offer both

Let us know how your first meeting was

 

StPeteDean wrote:

---

Some of them (statiscally only 4-5% make it to a year of sobriety) are not going to make it. 
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 19th of February 2011 11:20:58 AM

---

Dean, I'm not being argumentative, but just wondering if you could please cite the source of this statistic? I've looked for stats on AA success rates in the past and haven't had much luck.

Also, Beonks, I just had to note that I got the sense from your original post that you had some ideas about what sort of person "qualifies" as an alcoholic (" I haven't lost a job because of it, I haven't lost my child because of it") so I just wanted to add that I've never suffered any serious external consequences from my drinking  (never gotten a DUI, I have a nice home and plenty of savings, I am a "professional" with fancy degrees) because of how I did it (mostly at home, alone). In fact, I hid it so well that every single person in my life who I told I had stopped drinking because I was an alcoholic was VERY surprised. But I am DEFINITELY an alcoholic, definitely did not have control over my drinking (two bottles of wine every night), and was definitely on track to feel the full force of all the "yets." There really is no "typical" alcoholic, so don't let that cloud your self-assessment.

Again, welcome, and glad you are here. I hope you make it to your first AA meeting.

GG

 

Aloha B...Wow this thread bring back memories of how I got here.  It was a long
long journey that took 9 years of not drinking before getting into AA.  Yeppers I
was born into the disease...both side of my family lots of them dead from drinking
before I showed up.  Drinking was normal and alcoholism was never mentioned
until I got to the rooms of Al-Anon and I got there because I had been married to
an alcoholic (as I now understand) addict after a relationship with an alcoholic after
I left a marriage with an addict...go figure.  When I got to Al-Anon I couldn't guess
if I could even spell the word alcoholism I just didn't know what the hell the problem
was and didn't know that I didn't know.  God led me to the hotline number in the
phone book when I couldn't hook up with Help In Emotional Trouble and the Suicide
Prevention Center.  The live person on the other side of the phone told me that my
life could very well depend on our phone conversation and I was intrigued enough to
go to the next Monday night meeting where I thought I'd meet her and find out more.
I never did meet her however like you I met others and they were more tightly held
together than I was so what the hell I'll try another and then I found myself doing
102 meetings in 90 days and I wasn't drinking.   Like I said I didn't find out about
alcohol and how cunning, powerful and baffling it was.  I knew about baffling because
I was always baffled at how little my spouse would drink to get completely wasted and
then my own drinking was wrecked.  She wished she could drink like me and so did I
and if she could it would have killed her.  It even almost killed me with 3 overdoses
and still I didn't think that was unusual.  I always survived and always thought I would
with a little bet better planning.  There is no planning when alcohol owns you and that
is what it did with me...it owned me.  Once I started I didn't stop until it stopped itself.
Toxic shock is when the alcohol stops itself.  Anyway 

I didn't come into recovery wanting to arrest my own drinking...I didn't have a problem
with it for several reasons none of which I was aware of at the time.  It took college
studies, an alcoholism counselor at the VA hospital, tons and tons of meetings and
literature and great sponsorship.  I got so good at learning I became a behavioral
health therapist at a major recovery program in CA.  I was always around alcoholics
and drug addicts and their families and then the time came when my HP, God as I
understand God, presented me with an opportunity of taking my own assessment
rather than anyone elses.  I had just finished one for a new client and while I was
rating it and he was waiting for an ambulance to take him to inpatient my HP asked
me a question.  "Why does he need to be in inpatient therapy from his assessment
when you have gone farther down the scale?"   My new client hadn't had an overdoses
and I was about to discover that I had.  So I did a blank anonymous assessment of
my own past drinking (hadn't had a drink in over 9 years still) and took it to the adult
section of our program and there I waited for professional response which was, "I need
to tell you that whoever belongs to this assessment needs to be in inpatient therapy
immediately or the next time they drink they die."  That happened on a Thursday
evening and the new night I was at my first for real AA open meeting at the Alano
Club in my town.  Amazingly I participated the very same way I use to drink...Alone,
in the corner, in the dark.  I knew everyone in the room because both Al-Anon and AA
were pretty well cohesive at that time...meeting in the same locations and the same
times with different rooms and attending "meetings after the meetings" at the local
coffee shop as usual.

I didn't like AA people.  I didn't even put up with them alot.  I didn't like their
attitudes and my own attitude sucked badly.  I was too frightened and more angry
than most sane people chose or allowed themselves to get.  I didn't like "drunks"
trying to compete with my insanity and so there was alot of "in your face" reactions
from me.  I taught them to leave me alone...they learned.  When I got into AA it
had nothing to do with the people in the room...it had to do with being wide awake
for once about my existence within the world of alcoholism.  I am alcoholic.  I have
a life threatening compulsive disease that if not arrested by total abstinence with
take my life and at the same time alter the lives of everyone I am in contact with
in my relations.  I have experienced insanity on a level that it was either only by
grace or by the risky behavior of my HP that I was allowed to remain in public without
hospitalization.  Before getting to Al-Anon I spoke to lamp posts and maybe it was
the light at the top which was then my Higher Power.  I don't care now.  However it
happened it was supposed to be that way and I accept it and the outcome.  On
February 8th I celebrated 32 years of continuous alcohol free living as a dual member
of both the Al-Anon Family Groups and AA.  My home Al-Anon meeting is the
Wednesday Night Turning Point AFG and my home AA meeting is one I co-founded
with another "double winner" and an Alcoholic/Addict (no longer a member) and
another Alcoholic who has just received his 2 year continuous sobriety chip.  He has
worked over 16 years to get two.  I hang with him because I want what he has; the
experience of relapse.  That's one I haven't got yet.

I work the 12 steps and traditions and slogans and have tons of literature from both
programs all read some several times and my Big Book is so old the words on the
cover don't show up anymore.  I only need the ones between covers and like it was
mentioned earlier...I have always taken what I liked and left the rest however to do
that you got to be there to do that.

My early sponsor gave me..."Don't drink and don't think" in between meetings.  I
still follow that suggestion.  Alcohol ruins a good thinker...it is the first place it goes
to and the first thing it does...after it gets my thinker...it owns me.  I took back
ownership on or about 2/8/79.  No planning to let it go.

If you've sat thru a whole Al-Anon meeting you might remember that part of the
closing statement that says; "If you keep and open mind you will find help."  That
was the first promise that came true for me.

May I suggest...go to the nearest place and time for an open AA meeting and keep
and open mind.  Don't defend against anything you hear...just listen and take what
you like...leave the rest.

Good to have you drop in.  Take a deep breath.  We're in support.   ((((hugs))))

Welcome nezyb, great testimony.

well like many have said, it doesn't account for folks who were sent to AA by the courts, or pressured by families/ bosses ect... There's also no accounting for retreads. Myself, relapsing a dozen and a half times in two years could be the 18 or the 19 people who didn't make it so that I could get sober lol. I kept coming back and it worked when I worked it.