I hope everyone is well tonight.........Just checking in, I suppose. Had a really crappy day at work, nothing new. Same shit, different day. So, I just stayed under the radar and had my own little AA meeting in my head (some are "sicker" than others ). I was able to get off work in time to get to a f2f. Topic was anxiety - funny how that works! It's almost always what I need to hear....... Anyway, it occured to me on my way home from that f2f, that I've had some really shitty days for well over a week now, it's been one thing or another. Kid broke his arm, got a nasty letter from my mom, boyfriend is nutting me up, and on and on...... And thru it all I have had absolutely no desire to drink. A drink didn't even cross my mind. The things that replaced that desire to drink at my problems were hope, going to meetings, all of you here on this board, prayer, reading the BB, hanging out with some sober drunks before and after a f2f, talking to my sponsor, and just doing my best to practice the steps. Keeping it simple. Before my relapse on 8/10, I felt like I needed to hurry up and get to the steps. I was anxious over them. I was worried I was doing AA wrong. I was afraid I sounded like an idiot when I shared. Bottom line - FEAR was still controlling me. Yeah, it's still there, but just recognizing it has made a world of difference..... So, I haven't wanted to drink today and I'm gonna keep coming back.
I'm grateful to you all for the hope and love I feel.
Thanks for letting me share.
Much love and lots of hugs
Doll
-- Edited by Doll at 21:44, 2005-09-12
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
right back at ya. it is kinda funny how the topic hit close sometimes.glad you are hanging in there in spite of the problems. i found that since in aa the problems are not as big as they used to be god bless you wagon
Went to a very good and powerful meeting the other day. A guy brought up a topic and 3 or 4 people said it was just what they needed. It was also what I needed. there was only about twelve people and 5 or so needed or wanted the topic. God working I guess.
). I was able to get off work in time to get to a f2f. Topic was anxiety - funny how that works! It's almost always what I need to hear....... Anyway, it occured to me on my way home from that f2f, that I've had some really shitty days for well over a week now, it's been one thing or another. Kid broke his arm, got a nasty letter from my mom, boyfriend is nutting me up, and on and on...... And thru it all I have had absolutely no desire to drink. A drink didn't even cross my mind. The things that replaced that desire to drink at my problems were hope, going to meetings, all of you here on this board, prayer, reading the BB, hanging out with some sober drunks before and after a f2f, talking to my sponsor, and just doing my best to practice the steps. Keeping it simple. Before my relapse on 8/10, I felt like I needed to hurry up and get to the steps. I was anxious over them. I was worried I was doing AA wrong. I was afraid I sounded like an idiot when I shared. Bottom line - FEAR was still controlling me. Yeah, it's still there, but just recognizing it has made a world of difference..... So, I haven't wanted to drink today and I'm gonna keep coming back.