My sponsor is 13 years my junior.  What mattered is that she knows the program of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous and she guided me through the steps in a very thorough way.  I developed a relationship with God and that's the point.

Can your sponsor put your hand in God's hand through the directions in the 12 steps?

I have sponsored men with much more time then me, but we are talking years, I had maybe 5 years, they had over 10, one had 17 years, my job as sponsor was taking them through the steps in a way they had never attempted before

thoroughly

I think you wrote elsewhere you had 150 days, so you have a sponsor that has less then 5? months

Have they completed the steps?

Do they have what you want?

I once had a sponsor that I used to drag around to meetings 7 years before when he was new, and although I had relapsed, He had never sponsored anyone in his 7 years and I knew more about sponsorship and the Big book then he did, however what he knew how to do was live a happy, joyous and free life with continuous sobriety for over 7 years at that time so I went to one of our local "heavy hitters" and started telling him the reasons I needed to "fire" him as a sponsor and why I needed a "heavy", like a big gun sponsor

This man lovingly explained to me I was an idiot, that there was a reason he was my sponsor, and that we had a lot to offer each other, he could teach me how to be happy, joyous and free and have continuous sobriety and I could teach him about the big book

So I have experience on both sides of this issue, however, just for me, a sponsor is someone who has had the spiritual experience from working the steps that is my guide to work the steps, and rule #1 in AA is we can't pass along what we don't have, so I would ask myself, does she have what I want?

What we do is to get what  they get, we do what they do, so if she relapses every 6 months or whatever, do what she does, however, if she has COMPLETED the steps, has HAD the spiritual experience as THE result of working the steps, sure why not, she could be as good a guide as anyone else, God puts people in our lives for a reason, there is a learning experience here, it's up to us to find out what that lesson is, is it to walk side by side with this woman on the path of happy destiny or is it learn that she doesn't have what you want? Is this a case of the blind leading the blind?

I don't know, and frankly neither could anyone else here now based on the small amount of information that we have been given in this thread...did she lie to you about the amount of time she had?

Lot of variables

-- Edited by LinBaba on Tuesday 25th of January 2011 09:16:59 PM

My last three sponsors had less time than I...The first one passed away the second
one kinda sorta the same...rarely if ever comes into town and I needed better feed
back at times face to face and my present one has less time also with solid recovery
work.  I have more time than my sponsees in it all we've never talked about time
just our understanding of the steps, traditions, slogans and how we've worked it all
to get and stay sober.  I like the other responses also.  

I have currently begun a sponsor relationship and I have one month less sobriety than my sponsee.  Me-7 months, her-8 months.  The difference is I have more time with the program (1yr and 7 months) and have worked all of the steps and she has not.  My sponsor indicated that I was ready to sponsor and two weeks later I was asked by this person, who I consider a friend.  She had ended her current sponsorship relationship amicably, there was an issue of geographic distance between them and she felt she wasn't moving forward in steps and stagnating because of it.  When I said I'd sponsor her temporarily so she wasn't left standing alone I felt an inner "calling" to do so.  I have been clear about where I am at (drank 1 night, no long term sobriety) and what I have to offer (spiritual awakening, worked all 12 steps and half the traditions, etc).
So far it has felt very organic and my sponsor has indicated that each sponsor relationship is very individual.  We seem to click well and my inner voice (HP) makes me feel that this is right, at least for now.  I am willing to share my ESH on how the steps have worked in my life and my understanding of how they work as a program of recovery.  She indicates I have something she wants in terms of sobriety. The friendship thing has been a blessing for me as a first time sponsor, but might not be ideal in a different case.  My sponsor pointed out that the founders sponsored newcomers with much less time sober than is normal today and moved more quickly through the steps.  I'm trusting each of our HP's and keeping it real.  Through me, my new sponsee is getting the ESH of my sponsor who is 36 years young.

My sponsor had something I wanted and aspired to which is a strong spiritual foundation, sense of peace and serenity about her.  If I had to choose a new one that would be the basis of my choice, not so much sober time.  I was upfront about my relapse, because I feel that's important information for her to think about.  If my sponsor hadn't indicated I was ready, I wouldn't have even considered being more than being a supportive sister.

I do wonder in awe that I get as much or more out of the sponsoring than she does.  It's fantastic and I'm very grateful to embark on this aspect of the program.
Actually so far it's seemed to be a very mutually beneficial relationship.
It's one month new so I expect to report more in the future.

Hope this helps.

pinkchip wrote:

---

It depends on how much time you have and how much time she has...if it's a difference of 10 versus 11...who cares?

---

What Mark said.  You didn't disclose how much time we're talking about.  My sponsor and I share an anniversary date, however he has one less year.  He's program is stronger than mine, he makes more mettings and typically sponsors several members.  He's been my sponsor for 6 years now and we were friends for 10 years before that.  It's a two way street, and at times I'm sharing my E,S,&h with him.

 

I agree with gladlee on the quality and not quantity. It's great you've found a sponsor and are working the steps. What I'm told is no amount of work or involvement can replace experience. Personally, I want the most bang for my buck, so I'm not going to settle for quality of sobriety with short time when I can find tons of quality sobriety with long time. Many people argue about how long it should take to work all 12 steps. IMO it's not something that should be rushed. I spent over 9 months working the first 9, and (obviously) work 10, 11, and 12 daily. I also work the steps (with a sponsor) all the way through each year. I always find something that my first step fours didn't catch the first time around. Although I don't think it's wise to have more than one sponsor (lust my opinion) I would suggest you find someone else with quality AND length of sobriety that can share some hard won and proven experience. I'm told I have to do what's best for me, not what's comfortable for me. Most of the time I have no idea what's best for me, so I rely on someone with more experience than me to help. Not always easy or comfortable, but definitely worth it.

Brian

when i first asked old timers about sponsor choice, i was told some who has at least 5 years cause by that time life has thrown them the curveballs that life just does and they have been able to deal with things without picking up..for myself a found a sponsor that has similar "issues" in her life as well and works a program i admire..i love and respect her..it took a long time to find a good fit..im so grateful that my higher power "dropped her right in front of me" and said "here ya go, cindy " ..its been 7 years now. (thats not my length of sobriety.) :)

Bill recovered alcoholic. LOL wow that's funny as hell.I could only imagine how my pride and ego would just seath. My mind was ate up with selfish dishonest fear. My ambitions were to be some thing somebody . But my disease had other plans .none of what I was feeling and thinking was ever possitive or even true. I was hopeless after nine months of walking into the rooms there are a ton count them mettings in the cleveland area .one might could go to a meeting once a day and not go to the same one for a couple of years. It was only after I stopped trying on my own .gave up my ideas that I could run my life.with no spiritual princibles. My self esteem was already riddled .I felt exposed as a fake. I was . A guy I never met. Walked mr thru the first 3 after we said the prayer i. Went home wrote out my 4 made the appointment did 5678 6 days later.been on 10 11 and 12 since. My ego and pride has been smashed along with all the ideas that were killing me. Its not about time or what people had .I wanted the red head the corvette and that stuff never had the power to not make me pick it back up.my sponsor now has a little less than a year more than me. He has probably sponsor or sponsored 200 men over the years .I am not even close.but he like all the rest of my sponsors tell me .this if you have all your answers what the hell do you need me for .

I agree with the notion that if your sponsor has what you want/need out of him or her, that's the main thing. If a person has worked the steps and practices the principles, that's all that is necessary.