Dr. Seuss - "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." Who in your real circle of friends cares? What intelligent friend of yours is going to take the word of this guy? You speak up and deny it through the way you carry yourself with dignity and the people whom you help. This was an example of a person that didn't really want help, that was manipulative and you should congratulate yourself for having the boundaries to figure it out. Think how much worse it would be if you actually let him deeply into your life...
I am not always best at ridding myself of resentments, but I am told to release everything that annoys me and hurts me about that person and just give it to God to handle. He is no longer your problem, regardless of what he says. Give him over to your HP. God can fix hiim and teach him the lessons he needs to learn. You can't and it will drive you crazy trying.
I do feel for you though and am sorry this happened to you.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
This is just me, but I have found that it's best not to take my relationships to the "court of public opinion" to be judged, even in rebuttal
I have learned over time, and I notice most other people already know this as well, that the "aggrieved party" who is beating his/her breast publicly about the "wrongdoing" of their significant other is usually completely full of s**t, so that -they- are the one that ends up looking like a fool
I have found that if I am done with a relationship it's best to just move on, and not "answer" or sink to that level, and when I see friends/other sober people sink to that level of the whole back and forth thing I have pity for them, if I see one side sounding off and the other side keeping quiet, I am more likely to have respect and empathy for the "quiet party" then the party airing their dirty laundry
Maybe it's time to do a fourth step around this relationship with a sponsor? I have found this is one of the best, most level headed approaches to relationships I have ver seen if worked thoroughly, the man who wrote it was decidedly a scoundrel and a knave in his own sexual conduct but it is some very sound advice
Now about sex. Many of needed an overhauling there. But above all, we tried to be sensible on this question. It's so easy to get way off the track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes absurd extremes, perhaps. One set of voices cry th at sex is a lust of our lower nature, a base necessity of procreation.
Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex; who bewail the institution of marriage; who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it, or that it isn't the right kind. They s ee its significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't. What can we do about them?
We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it.
In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test -was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers we re God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.
Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other p roblem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it.
God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. We avoid hysterical thinking or advice.
Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk. Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our ex perience.
To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think o f their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache.
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
RELATIONSHIP...Really Exiting Love Afair Turns Into Outragous Nightmare Sobriaty Hangs In Peril...
Invintory is the only way I can sort most things out. With an invintory, Gods help and another sober person on the same path as me, I can see things that I could not see before I do the the step.. I might be wrong, but it sounds like you have some alanon issues, and I say that only because I do and I can see it. I been going there over the last year and it has been helping, and i want to investigate coda also. But no matter what...I am an alcoholic first and formost and no matter what happens or doesnt happen, I will be a lifer in AA. I hope you find your way. dont let the assholes get you down...
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Aloha Odat...Great thread (lousey condition) and a memory jabber for me. Been there and done that and didn't get the tee shirt...just the angst.
Lessons I got were, "When I hold on to it...it's holding on to me". Sooooo Words can hurt you!!?" Toad's lesson also.
I learned to say things outloud like "That's not true or like me" when that was the truth or if what was being said was true, "Yeah I've had that problem and am working on it...thanks."
Mostly I got permission from my sponsorship to just disengage from the issue and the people in the issue and go after my own peace of mind and serenity.
I do my own inventories...I always do them with my HP and then also at times with my sponsor.
I inventory, like what you have done, "what did I do and why that got me where I am at"? than like you I adjust to relieve me of the problem and the propensity of doing it again. My only job is me. ((((hugs))))
