I was reading a Michael Crichton Book recently and it told a story I understood better then I could explain it myself
He tells how he bought a house in the hills, and he was never so happy in his life, he went on long walks on his property every day, laid out by his pool, puttered around on his lawn and in his Garden, he had arrived
Then One day he was talking to some friends and the friend asked him "Aren't you afraid of the rattlesnakes?"
What rattlesnakes?
"There's a TON of rattlesnakes up there, didn't you know?"
Michael was MISERABLE, he parked in his garage, shut the door before he got out of his car, he was TERRIFIED to walk outside, he didn't dare go to the pool because he was sure the rattlers would seek the warmth there at night, he was scared even being IN the house, he turned every corner looking for rattlers even inside, then one day he was watching the Gardener work outside so he asked him
Aren't you afraid of the rattlers?
"No" the gardener replied, "they aren't bad, why?
There's rattlers all over, won't they bite you?
"Naaaw, I've been working in these hills for 20 years and I've only ever seen one rattler"
What did you do?
I killed it
How?
I walked over to the garage, got a shovel, killed it and threw it away
"I could live with this" michael thought "one rattlesnake is 20 years is something certainly to be aware of, but not terrified of"
"Besides" the gardener continued, "you can tell there are no rattlesnakes around here"
How?
Gophers, you have the worst Gopher infestation I have ever seen, if you had some rattlers they'd eat the gophers
I had tried everything to get rid of the Gophers, they were RUINING my lawn, every time I walked across it I stepped in a hole and fell down
I wished I had some rattlesnakes around to eat those damned gophers
Now here is a story that explains how MY mind works, first he's deliriously happy, then terrified of snakes, then not worried about snakes, then wishes he HAD some snakes
All without a single thing taking place, without ever seeing one snake, his perception of living in his house changed from heaven to hell to wishing he had snakes
and he's not even an alcoholic as far as I know, toss in some delusional obsession to a selfish self centered egomaniac with an inferiority complex and you have your average alcoholic
Have a great snake free day....or...have a great snake filled day...whatever floats your boat
We create our own reality, when we come to AA and get a sponsor and work the steps it teaches us one way to have a different reality, without chemical aids I mean
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Bill recovered alcoholic.I love saying that partly because I am and the fact that it pisses people off. I want to thank you for showing me how my mind works .perception preconcieved notions prejugdices.all the same thing.my dishonest mind remained closed the therory the gadget being fettered by tradition and superstition. Self will propultion centeredness pity dillution forms of fears.cheracter better philosophy code of marales all the same result .my problem centers in my mind deep down I have no more idea looking back knowing the end result then you do.I am puzzling me you everyone aroung me .I distroy relations affections trust affections like a tornado all the same .helpless hopeless I am out of ideas flat on my back still more pityful and demoralinzation confused baffled mall the same thing.powerless without defense blank spots beyond human aid beyond my own will .two choices one to except spiritual help the other is to blot those damn rattlesnakes the best I could . Could not wish or will my resentments fears selfishness and my foul ass sex condunduct any more than I could alcohol. Powerless . Recovered from a seaminly hopeless state of mind and body.one to many 10000 not enough knowing that won't produce the needed power the limitless lode alpha and omega the beginning and end supreme being ruler zsar of the heavens director princable father daddy abba all the same thing .I am not him and everyone around me is glad about that ! Thanks for that story .I keep telling my sponsor to check this out .maybe ill remind him when I see and talk to him about what's really going on . Thank god for a 12 step program no pills no humanpower could have relieved me of my disease.thinking and the feelings are the same
Yup. Thanks Lin. I've determined that I am responsible in language for two things; my perception and my intention. I am not responsible for their people's perceptions just as I will hold no-one else accountable for my perceptions.
Snakes? Taste way better than gophers, and easier to clean.
Loved the story... For me it showed how much worry can change a perfectly good life. I find things are never as bad as I can imagine them to be.
Thanks Suzie, for me it's not "things are never as bad as I imagine them to be" it's "things are nothing at all like I imagine them to be"
This last week I got booked something like 14 days straight with a life threatening 3 day job smack dab in the middle, I went from exultation and spending the thousands and thousands of dollars I was going to earn, I was making lists of bills I could pay, money I would have left over, to stressing how tired I was going to be
On Friday Monday and Tuesdays jobs got canceled and he asked me to work Thursday and Friday instead, "No can do" I replied, "I'm booked for 2 weeks" So I called the big life threatening job and moved it to Tuesday, I got a call from the first company and he asked if I could work Monday and Tuesday again, I told him I had booked Tuesday, but Monday had opened up, so he booked me for Monday, so once again I am booked for 14 days straight counting backwards
Yesterday I am staggering around, USELESS soooo tired, half is from the days I have been at work, the other half is being exhausted just thinking about the next 9 days I am going to be working in a row, last night I get home and call for the address for today
"No work tomorrow" is the text answer I recieve "they canceled" So I get to sleep in
So Tomorrow I am going to do a job that is waaaay too large and dangerous for anyone else, it's a 10,000.oo removal that is too cheap at $10,000 (they have some big trees in Northern California) so I start stressing, I'm getting terrified, I start climbing this tree sight unseen in my head, I'm sweating, shaking, can't sleep, can't relax
At 10 AM I get a call canceling the dangerous job "ummm I have to go to the Dentist...my insurance has lapsed....I don't have enough guys...I'm just not in the right emotional space to do this tree" The guy tells me
"F***ing P***y" I think to myself, because he is....I now have the whole week off until Friday, I've gone from rags to riches to dying to riches back to rags in the space of a few hours, all without anything changing
I sit there with a smile on my face because I have 4 days scheduled off with $$$ owed to me, I can afford this time off easily....but I'm waaay too comfortable
So I call Company A and tell them to call Company B and sub the job with the HUUUGE tree, so basically I am offering to do the same job for about half the money...somehow I am just not comfortable without that feeling of impending doom knowing I am going to risk not only my own life but that of my crew who work below me when I get called in to do these emergency jobs
I always remember what an old wise man told me once when I had a large accident on my job and some lady had totaled her brand new BMW and went through the windshield on one of my jobsites and the police report said I was the liable party because I had left a large object lying in the side of the road for her to run into...because it was so hard to see I mean, being only about 12' long and 8' high
These things have a way of working themselves out, tomorrow the sun will come up and you will go to work
That has never not been true for me, and what happens between now and tomorrow has always been 100% a product of my imagination when I wasn't present
It's not about being partially delusional, it's about being completely delusional, it's not about "never being as bad as I think it is" it's about not being bad at all, it's my thinking that makes it "bad" that assigns "value" to it
The point of the story is he never even saw a snake
not one
yet that is what he based his entire physical and emotional life on, snakes that he had never seen
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
I enjoy your posts, so I'm glad you got some extra time. I confess, I'm selfish.
I recently spent $400. on a chiropractor/acupuncturist for treating my symptoms of panic for a series of things that had not yet happened. Within a month, they had all resolved themselves... well, my daughter is still deploying to Afghanistan this summer but.... today is not that day.
Eckhart Tolle wrote, "The ego could be defined simply in this way: a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment."
Thanks for the reminder... I have a disease of perception.
Great story. Amazing how much we live in our heads and largely operate under strict rules based on experiences from decades ago. Mostly formed by outdated information or incorrect perceptions. One of the keys to the program "We had to let go of our old ideas absolutely" really helped me to evaluate and discard a lot of this junk thinking. I've found that the experiences I most enjoy are those new spontaneous type, that leaves no time for my committee to figure out how it will be.
Wow, the story from the book, and your experience are me through and through.. the first time i realised it, I was on my way to work one morning and running a little late. There was traffic on the freeway down by the strip like there is every morning. as I pulled off the exit, I hit every light and every one in front of me was driving like they were on a Sunday drive in the country. I was becoming unglued. in the matter of 4 or 5 min, I got yelled at, fired, couldn't pay my rent, got evicted, was living in a box next to the railroad tracks, and I was never gonna get layed again. My heart was pounding, my arms were shaking and my legs felt like wet noodles, I was a mess. I got to work and no one said anything. ended up being only a few min late, no big deal. That morning was exactly the same as the morning before yet the morning before I was happy and calm. the only thing that changed was what was in my head. Being run by the fear I created in my head.. With out this program and people like you to let me know I'm not alone and there is a way out...I'd be screwed. Thanks
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
