I'm constantly hearing people using statements that include things like "MY program" or "work YOUR program." I was guilty of that for a short while after getting out of treatment, but fortunately my sponsor set me straight. AA is not "MY" or "YOUR" program IMO...it's THE program. I worked MY program for along time, and it involved allot of drinking and doing the wrong things. MY program got me drunk every time, and will get me drunk again if I ever try it MY way again. I have to remember that I am no longer able to run the show, nor was I ever meant to be. The problem I see around here is people adapt THE program to suit their life instead of adapting their life to work THE program. I have learned that the program works differently for different people, but we are all essentially working the same program, aren't we? Today I try and practice humility, and thinking of AA as "MY" program is about as far from humble as I could get. I will gladly give credit where credit is due. On the other hand like the title says, maybe it's just me...
Brian
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
How other people work -the program- or -their program- is none of my business, all I can be responsible for is working the program to the best of my ability, this is another face of the exact same issue that Aquaman and PinkChip are walking through right as we speak, us playing God and not thinking God is qualified to do his own job
At the end of the day, with myself and my sponsees, my experience is to work -the program- more then once, and then make it my own, so it does eventually become -my program-, when it drops from my head to heart, and I am not just spouting homilies but instead speaking from my heart where I have integrated the principles I learned through the steps, the program has become my own
Buddha said "My teachings are like a raft to get you across the river, there is no need to carry the raft on your head after you have crossed" with -the program- we teach people how we build that raft to cross the river, what they do with that information is up to them, but if they do build that raft, once they cross the river it is no longer any of my concern, the quickest, most sure way for me to get off the beam and get self centered is to start working other peoples program rather then my own.
I was talking with a newcomer once years ago who was approaching the terrible two's who accused me of not working a program because he didn't actually see me meditate, he didn't see me take my daily inventory, and I had to explain I don't announce it, every day I sat with my eyes closed and did 10 and 11, every day when I woke up I did my reading and laid there with my eyes closed thinking about my day and reciting those paragraphs from step 10 and 11 in my head, i had "made the program my own"
Sure I work "The Program" but I have made it my own, it's part of who I am, it's an integral part of my whole "operating system" but one thing I can state categorically with complete and total assurance is the moment I start taking other peoples inventory rather then my own I am, by definition, not working -the program-, I am working the exact opposite of -the program-, I am working the self centered part of my sickness and sliding backwards, because if I am working my program I am so busy I don't have time to work your program too
Read Pink Chips thread about the dump and bounce and his new one today to see this exact same thing, I went through this very thing, and still it comes up, and my thinking this way is part of the problem, not the solution, the solution involves changing me to fit in with the world, the problem involves me changing the world to fit in with me, and when I stopped drinking "the problem" switched from me drinking to change the world to me worrying about how others lived their lives and trying to get them to change, it was just more of the same with a new script
This is why we need a CODA board, we quit drinking and our codependent tendencies absolutely roar into action to cover that void
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
I have had both of the experiences of brian and lin . When I first showed up and stopped being a visitor to AA, I heard the same thing about "my program" and like so many others. I go off and work "my program", not really knowing what "the program" was, and after the first 7 mo and 22 days I drank. But for me , that experience got my attention as to what some of the people there were actually saying about what AA was really about. My big illusion was that by just going to meetings and learning the jargon, I wasn't gonna drink any more and SHE was gonna see how together I was and she would want me back home and be properly ashamed, and then it would all be ok. I wanted what I saw some had, and wanted it the way I wanted everything before. without doing anything for it. Not that I was bad or stupid, my life of untreated alcoholism has a default position of wanting and needing instint gratification. that's why alcohol worked so well, it gave me that.
Having been torn up by that last drunk, what cowboy paul was always saying to me, really started to make sense,: " keep doin what your doin and you'll keep getin what your gettin" The pain of my own actions got me to see that if I wanted things to change, I had to change. But not by self help, by self abandonment. I became "SOLD" on the ideas in the book, and as I implemented the steps in my life " the program" became mine. I bought it, I got equity, no one can take it away, its mine..
I read the Really big book a lot and there is a line there that says "make the truth your own". The Truth is Gods truth. I make it my own by learning what that truth is, and making a part of me, by living it. I truly believe that when the student is ready, the teacher appears, and vice versa. Im gratefull I stuck around long enough, and got willing to take the ass kicking it took to understand this disease.
The road to surrender is a bitch. I'm on it again. I'm looking forward to this coda board. I don't suffer from the obsession to drink anymore, but I suffer from the obsession to run my life from time to time, and I am suffering from the obsession to run my alcoholic girl friends life.. I think that this sober life is a constant series of surrender and commitment, but for me it only come after spree and remorse,
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
just wanted to add when we read the 12 steps, the 12 traditions, and the Promises, "we" is mentioned a lot. it is not My program, Your program, it is Our program. it is not exactly alike for all of us but the commonality of our character defects and 'needing help from a power greater than ourselves' is a universal thing. period. AA is the only thing that helped me walk our specific path to get sober. not perfectly, but progressively. jj/sheila
I hear what your saying LB and absolutely agree. Maybe I didn't come off right in what I said. I also think jj got it right. I know it's a we and our program. I know everyone works the program in his/her own way. What I was getting at was people meaning they take what's comfortable for them and leave the rest out. I hear people saying "if step (insert xx here) isn't working for you, find a way to work AROUND it"...I've heard that allot. I've even heard people refer to the "take what you need and leave the rest" slogan when working the steps. What I see people doing is CHANGING the program to suit their own needs, and then wonder why they can't go a month without drinking again. Being a relative new comer myself, I still work the program the way it's spelled out in our BB, and implement some of what others have done thats worked for them. I'm still growing in AA and still have my head up my ass quite a bit of the time, but I'm also able to see what's NOT working for others as well. All I was really wondering was if others have noticed this too.
Brian
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
I hear what your saying LB and absolutely agree. Maybe I didn't come off right in what I said. I also think jj got it right. I know it's a we and our program. I know everyone works the program in his/her own way. What I was getting at was people meaning they take what's comfortable for them and leave the rest out. I hear people saying "if step (insert xx here) isn't working for you, find a way to work AROUND it"...I've heard that allot. I've even heard people refer to the "take what you need and leave the rest" slogan when working the steps. What I see people doing is CHANGING the program to suit their own needs, and then wonder why they can't go a month without drinking again. Being a relative new comer myself, I still work the program the way it's spelled out in our BB, and implement some of what others have done thats worked for them. I'm still growing in AA and still have my head up my ass quite a bit of the time, but I'm also able to see what's NOT working for others as well. All I was really wondering was if others have noticed this too.
Brian
Oh THAT...yeah that's nothing new, predates the publication of The Big Book, we let alcohol itself sort that one out
then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not.
With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.
Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Hi Bill recovered alcoholic. There is a club around town that has a large number of open meetings .I am assuming that is what this site is.having said that. I was taught to talk about me.I still do it if you have not noticed. One thing is for certain and two things are for sure.my sponsors line. There are a lot of hard drinkers running off on there opinion.when I was new this time.I listened to them don't drink go to meeting and pray.I. did that.I also stood at the door shook hands became the second best chair folder in a a . I did not drink.after 9 months I was in trouble.I left my home group more mad then when I got there .bottom line I was on step 0 that's right zero.ans was still suffering with un treated alcoholism. Went to another meeting and a man I never met took time out of his busy schedulemwalked me threu the fisrt 3 steps. We said the prayer and I went home and started writing pen to paper mlike I still do.this solution god giving. I worked this program and I have not found it nessacary to pick up a drink since march 17, 1991.I follow . Because I am still powerless. Out of ideas. I tell my guys what my sponsor tells me get in line . Go h3re do this. Our program huh.that might hurt some feelings some where..my selfishness or deflection will always expose me from not doing the work.
God works through people lin....I never thought I was God. Never tried to play god. Though I will say I have gotten confused as to when I was doing God's will versus my own. That is always a difficult concept to grasp for many in recovery. You are right though, I do need more faith and less fight. My serenity has been given away by me thinking I know it all when many answers are right in front of me in the literature. My sponsor instructed me again to read "To the employer" cuz I seemed to have gotten it wrong again.
Also Lin, I mix my duties as a therapist with my personal relationships. Most of the rest of you draw a boundary and go "I can't help you there, I'm not a therapist." I can't say that, but what I can and should say is "I can't help you there, because I am not YOUR therapist and I need to worry about ME!"
Peace.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I'm constantly hearing people using statements that include things like "MY program" or "work YOUR program." I was guilty of that for a short while after getting out of treatment, but fortunately my sponsor set me straight. AA is not "MY" or "YOUR" program IMO...it's THE program.
Totally agree! (And I thought I was the only one, too).
