What to Say

TwelveSteps · Senior Member

What to Say

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi GG,

this topic has been brought up quite a few times. If you used the search function, and enter "Why I don't drink?" you'd get this.

http://aa.activeboard.com/forum.spark?aBID=42735&p=3&topicID=17522920

but it's probably a good thing for a new thread, most of the people, in this 2.5 year old thread, aren't around much these days. smile

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 2nd of January 2011 01:52:52 PM

TwelveSteps · Senior Member

Thanks, Dean.

I was reminded about it the other day when my friend's drunk cousin (who was in town) loudly insisted on at least THREE separate occasions during our conversation, "Won't you have JUST ONE beer with us? You can't have JUST ONE beer?" My repeated and increasingly annoyed response was just, "No thank you, I'm fine with this (7up)..."

I wisely left while I was still able to resist the urge to point out that anyone who is that concerned about everyone at the table drinking probably has a problem of their own...

GG

billyjack · Senior Member

I have a few things I say depending on who I'm with.

1) have you ever seen someone that everyone agreed, that person should not drink...Thats me.

2) No thank you there is not enough here for me.and if I started , you couldnt get rid of me.

3) I;m allergic, I break out in hand cuffs, straight jackets, and hospital beds.

4) But most of the time its just..no thank you.

If they cant respect me saying no thank you, I ask...What, are you writing a book. And if they still cant respect me, I question whether I really need them in my life. I do not have to explain to or get any ones permission, not to drink poison. And thats the real truth. As Gods people we stand on our feel, we crawl before no one.

Good question though, most people will just leave it alone at no thank you

-- Edited by billyjack on Sunday 2nd of January 2011 02:30:02 PM

mental defect · Veteran Member

Hi Bill recovered alcoholic, I am not afraid to say who and what I am . So for me I just it would not be a good idea trust me ! That usually does it . And left it at that .

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

"I'm allergic to alcohol. It makes me break out in asshole all over"

zzworldontheweb · Senior Member

I guess I must be lucky enough to have abnormally well-mannered acquaintances, because "no thanks" or "I've decided to take a break" has never resulted in any additional pressure.

I think I agree with billyjack that, if somebody has the poor taste to push you, something semi-snarky like "are you writing a book?" may be appropriate.

Klaatu · Senior Member

A simple no thank you is all I've ever needed. I often wonder about people that push the issue when alcohol is refused. My sponsor tells me to stay away from those who put the pressure on after I already said no. I'm not ashamed of my alcoholism, so I try to be honest when I can.

Toad · Senior Member

Hi,
Dr. Bob said" If they do not know how can they know."
So I give a brief, What is was like, What Happened, and What is like now.
Surprising were this can lead.
Just my story in a sea of many stories.
Wayne

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

I've used "I'm allergic" most of the time and it works because the body language
and verbal match up and we can go on to other stuff. I have had the beggars want
me to run with them so I say what I have to say with a smile and then move off.
"If I were to drink now you'd stop liking me." With my family who knows I am in AA
and haven't drank for a long while I can get a bit more direct and open..."What are
you going to do with the information"? a couple of times...they were drunk when they
pressed me for a response. My family has the liberty of being more openly judge-
mental so that allows me to be more liberally direct which is part of my AA/DNA and
experiences...still works at times. I want to be a part of the gathering and know I
don't need an application. By the way that isn't one of my verbal responses. smile

angelov8 · MIP Old Timer

No thank you rarely does the trick, especially at work in the restaurant. When I am serving or bartending, the customers and co-workers often want you to join in. Lately I tell them I'm waiting to see if I'm pregnant and that always works immediately. My husband and I are no longer aggressively trying to conceive however, we don't use birth control so it's not a lie. The down side is they tend to want fertility details if it's a nosey person. If I can, I just change the subject. I have asked a particularly harrassing person "why they wanted me to drink so badly, don't you know I'm faithfully married and it won't work. " I don't find it helpful to get into recovery talk with drunks that I'm not close to. I have said "I used up my quota and moving on"-that did quiet a person one time.

When a curious person has asked how I did it, quit, if I get the intuition that they are asking because they might be concerned about their own drinking, I do tell them that I didn't do it on my own. This I would only do in a one-on-one conversation. If then they persist I might tell them I am in recovery from alcoholism and take it from there. With co-workers it's tricky and I only mention AA to those I trust to not use it against me somehow later.

In fact today some one at work I consider essentially a dry drunk asked me point blank about AA and I said yes. He is on probation for repeated dui stuff and then proceeded to go on a rant about drinking, not drinking, clinical evaluations, alcoholism and AA. It was ok but I would have rather not been associated with the whole thing as it was a very public rant around lots of other employees. On the up side, everyone one knows that he is miserable and perhaps he has noticed the changes in me and might consider AA again later when he is ready because I was willing to tell.

happycamper · MIP Old Timer

I am very rarely around ppl that pressure or ask why Im not drinking.
Anybody that Im around on a regular basis all know that Im an alcoholic and dont drink.

I own and operate a campground. I often get invited to have a beer or a drink with lots of the campers. I just say " no thankyou , I have to get back to work ". and that is usually the truth.

If anyone ever pressures me anywhere, I tell em' I dont drink, period. If they pursue it, I tell em' flat out ... Look, Ive been to jail several times, and I am not goin back. I dont drink!!

TwelveSteps · Senior Member

I really appreciate all theresponses. Thank you.

GG

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

I always liked this response:

----------------------------------------
How come you don't drink anymore?

"How come you don't drink anymore?" a renewed acquaintance from long ago asked the other day.
"Anymore than who?, I asked.
"I mean any longer. How come you don't drink anything these days?"
"Drink? I drink...coffee, milk, juice, tea, soda pop, water..."

"I mean drink" he said. " you know, booze."
"Oh, booze, No I don't drink booze any more, you're right," I said, I couldn't' trust it anymore. It turned on me. Once my friend, it became my enemy."

"Maybe you got a bad batch." he said.

"No the sauce is the same. I changed. Because I have this illness of alcoholism, my tolerance weakened. Alcoholism doesn't come in bottles, it comes in people."

"Sounds pretty confusing" the fellow said

"You think you're confused," I said, "You should have seen me. I drank for happiness and became unhappy... I drank for joy and became miserable... I drank to be outgoing and became self centered... I drank for sociability and became argumentative and lonely." I drank for sophistication and became crude and obnoxious...I drank for friendship and made enemies... I drank to soften sorrow and wallowed in self pity... I drank for sleep and wakened without rest.

I drank for strength and felt weak.. I drank medicinally and got sick.. I drank because I thought my job called for it and I lost my job.. I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.. I drank for confidence and became uncertain.. I drank for courage and became afraid.. I drank for assurance and became doubtful... I drank to stimulate thought and blacked out... I drank to make conversation and it tied my tongue... I drank for warmth and lost my cool. I drank for coolness and lost my warmth... I drank to feel heaven and came to know hell. I drank to forget and became haunted. I drank for freedom and became a slave...I drank to erase problems and saw them multiply... I drank to cope with life and invited death ..or worse... I drank because I had the right and everything turned out wrong..

"Gosh!" My friend exclaimed, "That must have taken a bunch of booze to get you in that shape.
"Just one" I told him, "The first one. For me one is too many, and a thousand is not enough."
"So that is why you don't drink anymore...?

"Yep, I make it a rule, I DON'T DRINK WHILE I'M SOBER!"

attilio · Veteran Member

i work in the restaurant business and customers will offer a drink to express their satisfaction for the service i politely decline with a no thank you and add that they could add it to the tip that usually gets a laugh and ends the discussion .god bless .....

Jamie D · Veteran Member

Hello, Jamie - Alcoholic, thankyou so very much for the privilege of sharing with you. The guy I worked for when I got sober was a member of the fellowship and he said it the best I ever heard anywhere to date. " I just don't NEED to drink anymore". Amen to that brother.