It is frequently distressing to observe the attitude of the slipee when he sobers up and endeavors to get back on the Program. Some apparently think it was something to be expected, others feel that it was a necessary part of their alcoholic education and that their slip makes them full-fledged members. Still others take the attitude of "So I slipped, well, what the hell of it?"
They ignore entirely the fact that they have injured AA, as well as themselves. And how about the guys who had to neglect new men, possibly, in order to sober them up?
It is frequently distressing to observe the attitude of the slipee when he sobers up and endeavors to get back on the Program.
I suppose it would depend upon the attitude. If it is one of perseverance and honesty...I am grateful. Their relapse has reminded me the importance of keeping my vigilance.
Still others take the attitude of "So I slipped, well, what the hell of it?"
Well, that's flippant and those individuals are not yet willing to Come To.
They ignore entirely the fact that they have injured AA, as well as themselves. And how about the guys who had to neglect new men, possibly, in order to sober them up?
Of the flippant: they are still pathetically selfish. Of the perseverant: All That Is Required Is A Desire To Stop Drinking.
I can't speak for anyone else, but in my AA...we don't shoot our wounded.
Yeah, tonight I attended my favorite weekly meeting. Lots of old-timers with really good sobriety, plus just really sharp, squared-away people, really solid. One of he members with several years in the program slipped for the second time in 4 months. The scary thing is he couldn't put his finger on exactly why. He's going to meetings, doing service work, he's not going on huge benders, because he comes right back. He just describes it as wanting to feel different, and the next thing he knew he had a drink in his hand. Quiet and shy and doesn't offer any explanation beyond that. He seems contrite, so it's hard to question him too directly about what he might have done wrong. The guy's a pillar of the community too. Partner in a respected local firm, on the board of a couple local charities. Baffling. We did our best to express concern while still welcoming him back.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
I was sitting in my home group some years ago and a friend was sharing
"I was going to kill myself this weekend, but when I thought about it, I realized it would be bad for morale"
The room busted up, we were ROLLING, but the truth...every single one of us knew he was deadly F'ing serious, he didn't kill himself because it would have been a selfish act, and it would have been bad for morale.
Over the next few years that became a staple of my home group, people talked about going to get a drink, but thinking it would be bad for morale, so they waited until Monday to check in with their home group first, then ultimately didn't drink
Their are a lot of ways to be selfish and self centered in AA besides slipping I think, one is sharing opinions and advice about an experience one has never had, like working the steps, one is whinging about one's self in meetings like the meeting is one's own dumping ground, holding the entire room hostage and spreading the disease rather then the solution, one is being around for a few years and not working the steps, what message does THAT send to the newcomers? Especially selfish are the people who are unable to stay sober themselves, who haven't worked the steps but who speak with "authority" about AA and the steps and advise meds before steps, once again sharing their opinion about an experience they have never had, like sobriety, and the spiritual awakening as the result of the steps
selfishness, self centeredness is the root of the problem for untreated alcoholism, and that's the problem with people who have never worked the steps, they will never understand more "self" isn't the answer, so will continue to be selfish and self centered to a delusional extreme, although they usually won't think so, and that there is a big book quote, to describe an alcoholic an an example of self will run riot that doesn't think (s)he's selfish
The insanity of alcoholism is that it persists even in the absence of drinking, I would say it gets even more painful, the sad thing is while untreated alcoholics will say they are insane, they don't understand what that means, nor will they -admit- to their insanity to themselves, I remember my last weeks of drinking and early sobriety I had two seperate and distinct realities at the same time, in one reality my exgf was a vile human being who ruthlessly tortured me and was an evil person to the core, in my other reality her behavior was an understandable response to my behaviors, I absolutely believed both realities, but while I was in one, the other was absolutely false, either she or I must needs be the villain, and the "yeah buts" would ensue
The steps remove all the bullshit from our delusions and they do so in our own handwriting, when it is all written out, and the truth stares us back in the face, there is no where to run, no where to hide, and no one to argue with, because we ourselves wrote these facts down, then, with a competent sponsor we find out what character defects drove us to these nightmares that seemed so insurmountable
we can "believe" that a power greater then ourselves will restore us to sanity all day long, but unless we do the work we remain insane, sober or not, we can't think ourselves sane
you can't fix what's broken with what's broken, and what's broken with untreated alcoholics is their entire perception of reality, at least if they drink we have a chance to reach them, to hope they have the gift of desperation bad enough to treat their alcoholism by working the steps, otherwise it's just more of the same, delusional insanity and suffering for themselves and everyone who comes in contact with them, truthfully it's a tragedy of greek proportions
-- Edited by LinBaba on Thursday 23rd of December 2010 10:49:48 PM
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Love and Tolerance is our code, I bounced in and out for a few months early on, so I really can't cast stones.
Thank God nobody wasted much time on me until I was ready. Like they say, "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear".
That said, I don't think it's emphasised enough how soberiety can be the difference between life and death, and this is a serious disease that kills, maims, incarcerates and destroys families.
If we stick around long enough we will see a lot of death and destruction, not flippant stuff to be taken lightly.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I don't understand that part. Did Dr. Bob's slip injure AA?
Is AA something that requires a "good track record" to be taken seriously? And by whom, outside entities? Is there someone out there taking daily statistics? If all AA is about is performance statistics, then I'm out. If it's about God and survival and saving lives, then I'm in.
Thank God it isn't about stats, nor can one person or a handful of folks making mistakes bring AA crumbling to the ground. If we believe that a Higher Power is orchestrating things, and that nothing happens in God's world by mistake, then we don't question it when someone has to make multiple attempts.
I see slips as making some people better AA's in the end.
As a "slippee", this meditation is a real "eye-opener" alright. The author is missing the boat.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
