Now that I'm unemployed, I really need to get a housemate. My place is large and moving alone to a smaller apartment isn't really an option because it's nearly impossible to find someone who would rent a, for example, 1 bd/1 bath to someone with 2 dogs and a cat!
I don't keep alcohol in the house (although I will buy some right before guests come over and send any leftovers home with them or dump it out), and I want to find a sober housemate who is OK with this. My problem is I worry about what happens if such a potential housemate relapses, or gives up on trying to be sober? I could have her agree in advance that if this happens she will have to move out, but that seems like I'm setting myself up for a potentially ugly situation down the road.
Has anyone experienced a similar situation and do you have any advice to offer?
PM me if you want me to let this apt be known to a few hundred people with long term sobriety in your area
otherwise I have lived in a few "sober living situations" they are....interesting at best
my experience with people with more then ten years of sobriety has been good, my experience with people with less then ten years of sobriety is they have been learning experiences at the best of times, and I am being more then kind, I live alone in a 2BR house and thought a few times about getting a room mate, it never even crossed my mind to get someone in sobriety, normal people who don't drink/party are who looked attractive to me as room mates
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
I've been married for the past 13 years, but before that I had 4 housemates in sobriety over about 11 years. Honesty I was never one to spend a lot of time at home, so as long as they where respectful, neat and paid me I was ok with them.
Two where friends from AA and where probably the best of the bunch. It was a opportunity to help them at the time, and of course it helped me.
A girl I was engaged to ended up having a eating addiction, them started going to OA, but could never get the program, it was probably as bad as living with a active alky.
The other was a ex-college roomate who developed a gambling problem and couldn't pay me.
I would suggest someone without kids, a lot of baggage, steadily employed, neat and is doing the right things to move their life forward.
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Hmmm...thanks for your feedback. I was only thinking about people in sobriety because I felt that asking someone who is "normal" not to keep alcohol in the house would be unreasonable, and that's the environment I need right now. I guess I will start by asking around to friends in my home groups.
Recovered Alcoholics could get drunk but are OK with a booze free house.
Normal people sometimes drink and might want booze in the house.
The rare Normal/Uber Sober people have booze in the house for the 2 tablespoons they use in a specialty dish at Christmas, and ALWAYS have booze in the house.
It's ALWAYS THERE because it takes decades to finish a bottle of whatever God-Awful sweet gunk they use at the rate of 2 tablespoons a year. For 11 and half months the naturally uber-sober forget they have it in the back of a cupboard along with the bottle of wine that they never open but it was a gift, and maybe, someday, someone, (guest) will want.
Alcoholics never have ENOUGH booze in the house. Even if they live in Liquor Store.
For a Booze free household, I'd think only Alcoholics and those with religious restraints against alcohol would work. Uber sober people don't really register that they've got booze: it doesn't matter to them. It's not like they're going to drink it.
Twelvesteps, I'm wondering why it's such a big deal for you to buy alcohol for your friends? So much so that it becomes a requirement that a sober room mate must accept? Why can't you tell your friends to Byob and take same with them. Then you simply notify said sober room mate that you're expecting a couple friends that drink casually so they can chose whether to be gone or not.
But if you're ok with people drinking in your house why worry about a sober room mate? Why not rent to a non-alcoholic? During the interview you can tell these prospective NA room mate that you're looking for someone that rarely drinks and doesn't drink at home. That shouldn't be hard to find. You'd probably get along better with an NA than a AA room mate imo.
Twelvesteps, I'm wondering why it's such a big deal for you to buy alcohol for your friends? So much so that it becomes a requirement that a sober room mate must accept? Why can't you tell your friends to Byob and take same with them. Then you simply notify said sober room mate that you're expecting a couple friends that drink casually so they can chose whether to be gone or not.
But if you're ok with people drinking in your house why worry about a sober room mate? Why not rent to a non-alcoholic? During the interview you can tell these prospective NA room mate that you're looking for someone that rarely drinks and doesn't drink at home. That shouldn't be hard to find. You'd probably get along better with an NA than a AA room mate imo.
Exactly
hmm, non alcoholic emotionally mature adult
or
emotionally crippled and stunted psychopath that could go on a wild bender any minute and sell your Grandmothers Silver for a bottle of ripple the first time you guys have a disagreement, or like someone still dating a dude named "Monster" they met in rehab who somehow can't get it together to get sober but it's OK because your new roommate has decided she is his higher power...and he's soooo cute...under the tattoos I mean, but it's OK, he's not around that much, he's usually in jail
I'm teasing ...kind of
newcomers = drama, like peeps in their first few years I mean, I think you want something stable, and that's NOT someone in their first few years of sobriety generally speaking
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Hmmm...thanks for your feedback. I was only thinking about people in sobriety because I felt that asking someone who is "normal" not to keep alcohol in the house would be unreasonable, and that's the environment I need right now. I guess I will start by asking around to friends in my home groups.
GG
Why do you find it unreasonable to ask a "normal" person not to keep alcohol in the house? Read adds looking for room mates there are many requirements. Adds I see frequently state non-smokers only. As has been suggested a "normal" room mate may be the best route to go.
To update, I ended up deciding to go with a friend of a friend who is a great guy but is not sober. I decided that it was less risky for me to have a normal, emotionally stable housemate who will keep alcohol in the house than to have someone in recovery who might relapse. I greatly appreciate all the feedback.
