Don't Know What To Do

countrygirl · Newbie

Don't Know What To Do

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

countrygirl wrote:

Hi
I am an alcoholic, and so is my husband. I live in a small town, and do not want to go to a meeting there, because i don't feel that it would be anonamous. Does anyone have any suggestions. I do not trust myself, and am afraid i will never quit drinking.

you are correct to not trust yourself, the very definition of an alcoholic is someone who has lost control of their drinking

We quit drinking when we are ready to go to any length to quit drinking, when its the most important thing in our lives

I went to meetings in nearby towns for the first year so I didn't run into anyone I knew, when I finally started attending meetings in my own town I realized I knew everyone there, and had no idea any of them were sober, although every one of them knew I was a drunk, they had been wondering how long it would take me to get sober

It's funny how we aren't embarrassed to let people see us completely smashed but woe on us how embarrassing to let people see us get sober

anyone we see at a meeting is there for the same reason we are, to quit drinking, we don't remain so anonymous we are unable to quit drinking, it kind of defeats the purpose

If you want to quit drinking I found they know how to stop and stay stopped at AA

only 3 things are needed as a newcomer, honesty, open mindedness, and willingness

Most all of my friends are sober now too, some that had just kind of "fallen off the radar" were there to welcome me,....like 30 of them

Larry_H wrote:

I found this on wikiHow I did not write it but I like it. I would like your comments. Are any additions or subtractions needed?

Remember the subect is "How to get through your first Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting"

I am going to print this and keep it handy for 12th step work
Larry,
-------------------------------
I go to meetings to hear voices other than my own
_______________________________________________________
How to get through your first Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting
originated by:Ljp26, Maluniu

Nobody wants to go to their first Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting. Everyone is afraid. AA welcomes everyone, and
you don't need to meet any requirements. If you've ever thought of going, or have been told you must go, here's what to do.
1 Find a meeting. There are lots of sources. Call the nearest Alcoholics Anonymous Intergroup office, visit http://www.aa.org, ask a church pastor or anyone you might know in recovery. Many cities have hundreds, or even over a thousand AA meetings each week.
2 Pick a compatible meeting. If you're going because you are curious about AA, go to an "open" meeting, which is for anyone. Closed meetings are only for people who have decided they have a problem with alcohol and want to stop drinking. Some meetings are for men only or women only, are foreign language speaking or are for other special groups. The sources above can guide you to the right meeting.
3 Ask for a ride if you don't have a way to get there. The local AA office can usually arrange for someone who is going to the meeting to pick you up.
4 Get there early. Many meetings are held in churches. Watch what door people go in so you can follow them to the right room. If you aren't sure if you're at the right place, ask someone if it is the meeting for "friends of Bill W."
5 Expect to see all kinds of people there: young, old, worn-down, elegant. They may be very different than you. You might be surprised that so many people look healthy and happy. They are all there for the same reason no matter how they look on the outside.
6 Relax. You aren't required to do or believe anything. You don't have to say a word.
7 Watch how the meeting works. They usually begin with volunteers reading from AA literature, followed by a group discussion, book study or featured speaker.
8 Sometimes the leader will ask if anyone is at their first AA meeting. If you want, you can raise your hand and give your first name.
9 Listen. You will get a lot out of your first meeting by hearing others' experiences. You might not understand all the discussion, but try to find something you can relate to.
10 When they pass the basket for donations, you do not have to contribute. If you want to, the normal contribution is $1 or $2 in the U.S. Don't give more than what others are giving.
11 Take a white chip if offered. Some groups give chips to people have been sober for a length of time. They also give a white chip to anyone who doesn't want to drink just for one day. Chips are reminders to help you stay sober. They are free.
12 Ask the chairperson after the meeting for a directory that shows where and when meetings are held. You can go to as many meetings as you want. If you go to a second meeting located near the first one, you might recognize people that were at the first meeting.
Tips
Meetings start on time. Plan to get there early and stay late so people can introduce themselves.
If you get there late, it's OK. Just go in and sit down.
Tell someone you are new. They will probably introduce you to others.
Go sober and not high. Otherwise the experience won't be very useful.
During the meeting, don't ask questions or talk to anyone in the group directly, even if it seems like someone is talking directly to you. Stay after the meeting to ask questions or tell them your story.
There is a lot of laughter in AA meetings. It's also OK to cry.
If you see someone there that you know, don't worry that they will "tell on you." They are probably there for the same reason you are.
Go to a different meeting if you don't hear anything that you can relate to. Each meeting has a unique personality.
If people give you their phone numbers, they want to help if you need it. Call them before you take a drink. Say that they gave you their number at the meeting and you want to drink.
Warnings
Never drive with alcohol in your system, even if you think you need to get to an AA meeting right away. Get someone to give you a ride instead.
The group might ask you to leave and come back another day if you are disruptive or start rambling about something other than alcohol.
Once you get home don't talk about who was there or what they said. One of AA's mottos is "Who you see here, what you hear here, let it stay here."

-- Edited by LinBaba on Thursday 25th of November 2010 02:57:41 PM

northern lights · Member

((Countrygirl)))

Like has been said, they are there for the same reason.

Even though I didn't realise it at the time and thought I hid it well, people in my neighbourhood were well aware I had a problem with drink......long before I ever truly accepted it!

I hope you choose to go!

Lots of love
Karen xx

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

When I called the helpline for the first time in october 06, the person on the phone told me abolut sheffield meetings. Sheffield is the 4th biggest city in the UK.

Oh no said I, I can't go there, I might meet someone I know.

What about Barnsley then - well ok, I'll go there said I. I don't know anyone from Barnsley.

So I went to my first meeting and sat next to a bloke I went to school with.

Y'know what? He really was there for the same reason I was - to get and stay sober.

And I'd like to sa one more thing - I've seen people that I know pretty well come into the fellowship and get sober and stay sober and it lifts my heart like you woudn't believe until you experience it..

So......don't worry about seeing someone you know, we're all here for the same reason.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hello Countrygirl and welcome to the board. I got sober in Northern Va. (DC area) which of course is a big metro area. No matter where I went to meetings I saw people that I knew and was glad to see them. It's funny because other people who are reluctant to go to their first AA meeting will say that they don't want to go because they Won't know anyone lol.

The bottom line is that this is a disease that kills people. Seeing somone you know at an AA meeting isn't going to kill anyone but continuing to drink very well might. The truth of the matter is that if you live in a small town and are an alcoholic, a lot of people already know that you have a drinking problem. Remember those nights when you couldn't really remember what happened? There were people there that do.

We have a saying that "The alcohlic is usually the last one to know about their drinking problem" lol.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 25th of November 2010 07:40:22 PM

gonee · MIP Old Timer

My 1st meeting was in the lecture theatre of my old high school. I went back to my school 10years after I graduated from there, to be educated once again in alcoholism as a disease. They should have put it on the curriculum and saved me 10 years of suffering. Strange thing was I ended up addressing that school in the assembly about alcoholism.
Do not fear. You can hold your head up high because you are a recovering alcoholic. All my clients and colleagues know I am an alcoholic and they love and respect me for it. In fact they always invite me because of the fun and levity I bring to their functions.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Hi CountryGirl & Welcome!

I too live in a small town. I was worried about anonymity at first, as well. I have a fairly public job and represent my employer everywhere I go and with everything I do. I didn't want to embarass myself or my employer. However...

That didn't stop me from getting impaired and wrestling in a bar during a work-related event.

That didn't stop me from getting impaired and hosting an open-house for a client...and falling into the buffet table.

That didn't stop me from getting impaired and trick-or-treating with my kids lugging a 12-pack of beer and hooting on the street in drag.

That didn't stop me from getting impaired and visiting clients while stinking of whiskey and beer...during the day.

So after hitting bottom I didn't care who knew, because if I didn't get help they'd read my alcohol-related obituary anyhow. I went into my first meeting and there was a client of mine, a preacher from a local church and the owner of my employer's #1 competitor asx well as my boss' cousin's wife.

Like I said...you can live with the chance that somebody might find out you're making an amazing leap of positive change...or live with the probability that they'll read about your arrest or death in your local weekly paper, right next to the minutes from Monday night's city council meeting.

Peace,
Rob

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha Country Girl and I relate to your post also. The last person I could trust
by the time I got to the doors of recovery was myself for many reasons. Hell
I didn't even know the problem was alcoholism and I didn't know that my life
was over and body was just looking for a place to lie down and quit breathing.
Anonymity? I didn't know what that was, what it meant, how to spell it or how
to say it. I came in under the best of conditions I had no more defenses
against alcohol and alcoholism and I was almost screaming "uncle" to what
ever it was that was killing me.

Fear is the biggie for most drunks and isn't it ironic, like what has already
been mentioned to you about our drinking that when were drunk and pure
fools in front of the public, family and friends we could care less. I didn't
know anyone when I first got into recovery but when I got into AA for real
I knew everyone in the room personally and they loved me sober. Get to
meetings even if they are out of town...you need to be sober to stay sober.

Keep coming back here and watch the miracles happen. Happy Thanksgiving.

((((hugs)))) smile

happycamper · MIP Old Timer

Yep, small town .. country girl here too.

Scarred to death to go in my first meeting, but I did , and have never regretted it.

For some strange reason it is more acceptable to see someone walk ( or stumble ) out of a bar then it is to see them walk out of an AA meeting.

I had to think about it .. why would I be so ashamed to possibly see someone I knew at an AA meeting, but yet wasnt ashamed every time I made an a** out of myself at a bar, or got my name printed up in the local newspaper for dui, and the list goes on and on ...

Now, I will say that I am careful to a degree where I go to meetings cuz my business name is painted on the tailgate of my pick-up truck , so dont really want my anonymity blown that way. But if a meeting is at a church, then there is really no reason why I dont attend at church meetings and I do travel to out of town Alano clubs or other 12 step houses.

Welcome Countrygirl, and please go to a meeting even if it isn't in your town, search for one nearby or an hour away or so. Come back and let us know what you have found, we are here to help

countrygirl · Newbie

Thank You all for your encouragement.
Happy Camper, i too have our business name plastered all over our truck, yup ya can't miss me!!! My fear, is the gossip, on the other hand like one of you said they are probably talking about me anyway. All our neighbor's drink, and yes i have been drunk with them.
Anyway, again i thank you all.

zzworldontheweb · Senior Member

Coutrygirl, also talk to your doctor. If you've been consuming hard liquor on a daily basis, he withdrawal symptoms can be medically dangerous.