It is one of the peculiar characteristics of the alcoholic that he almost invariably shows the worst side of his disposition to those people for whom he has the highest love and respect. Many of us were Jolly Good Fellows in the bootleg joint but Hell on wheels at home and in our relationship with those we loved. If your disposition is so lousy that is isn't fit to be brought out on the street, then is isn't worth house room. Fourtunately, sobriety usually cures this.
We are good actors for sure but you just can't keep up the act at home. You sure can put up a good smoke screen over the self hatred in public at times. I was just telling my maybe soon to be ex spouse the other day that I thought something was wrong with her for years because she was with me and the drink really made me loathe myself. Amidst the selfishness and finger pointing it's a nasty cocktail for making someone else miserable along with ourselves. I'm certain that she does not understand this idea that she is the one that I have the highest love and respect for and even did through our whole ordeal with alcoholism thus far.
Not me, I was one of those happy, just leave me alone drunks, until I'd get arrested for being too happy in public.
You and me both Kid
Man EVERYBODY loved me and I had fun EVERYWHERE except for the Police and when I got in those relationship thingys
The Police and I had a difference of opinion about the definition of humor, things I called funny, they called things like "running over 15 phone booths in one night" and Public indecency
Hey I was just illustrating I wasn't so drunk I couldn't write my own name that just happened to be a handy writing tool and it happened to be the middle of main street
I still maintain I was not only over-served, but was the victim of "profiling", how was I supposed to know they were arresting everyone peeing on that section of main street that night?
and the Girls
date 1 they'd spend the night date 2 they'd pull up with a moving van date 3 the ultimatums would begin
you need to stop drinking and you have to stop doing the humpty humpty thing with other people and you need to get a better job and you need to you need to you need to you need to
/long pause
but wasn't I drunk at my job (bartending) when I met you? and didn't we do teh humpty humpty thing and you liked it so much you moved in?
A man is stopped by police for speeding at 2AM and asked, where is he going in such a hurry? "I am on my way to a lecture on the effects of alcohol and drugs abuse on the human body" the policeman asks "really? and who is going to give that ...lecture at this time of night?"
My WIFE!
yup I was the villian all right lol, there was no self hatred or self loathing, I had a BLAST and did so until the wheels fell off
It's just for some reason every woman I ever dated back then dated me for my "potential" and not actually for who I was, which was a whoremongering drunken rake, and then they would begin the campaign of "Time to make Andrew over in my image" so yes, I'd say there was some friction at home, but I also say it takes 2 to tango, I was no prize but I was always up front about who I was, Hell I couldn't have hidden it if I would tried, since that is how I met every single one of them
I liked Wine, women, and song, in about that order, the more the better, and made that perfectly clear
The great thing is I am still best friends with all those "ex'es" today though, with the exception of one who is just a complete psycho wack (we're all allowed one of those right? One of those hell hath no fury psycho stalkers?) and when I went back to do my amends, every single one of them poo poo'd my amends out the door, and said "Andrew, we all knew who you were then, we knew going in and we loved you anyway, and we love you even more now" and then we laugh about all the old stories, hell, now we all so old even all my ex girlfriends are friends with my old "mistresses" now
Life is good...it really is
-- Edited by LinBaba on Tuesday 16th of November 2010 12:35:10 AM
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Negative Dispositions, Feelings of being Maligned, mentally maligning others, not accepting my part in a problem or bad behaviors..... "Fortunately, sobriety usually cures this."
AA can help people heal and learn, and grow spiritually. I have learned too, that i cannot fix others, just share my experience strength and hope for better or worse. the AA program does not fix personality disorders instantly, unfortunately. often times people in recovery slip on the old pair of glasses when their comfort zone is threatened or they miss some of the old mayhem. it is easier to not check our glasses on a daily basis. for every experience i have had, i played a part in the outcome and have learned from it. that is what spiritual growth is, making mistakes and learning, for me, usually the hard way. When someone starts "spinning" it is time to take a break and ask for help from their HP and AA friends and sponsor. And this life is good, no matter how we got here - we are here where we belong. jj
