Hello and welcome. For me, getting a sponsor and reading the Big Book and working the steps with that sponsor brought about the "psychic" change the Big Book refers to. Before that I was just not drinking, but not LIVING a sober life. So yes, I think you can make it in the real world if you do the work, I have, for today.
And go to meetings. It is the way to help those with less time than you.
-- Edited by ferrisdp on Wednesday 3rd of November 2010 05:29:02 AM
i agree with ferrisdp, get to meetings as often as you can. find a home group, and if the 2 of your closest include a sponsor, that is great. if not, get one. isolation is what alcoholics love (for you it is in your car). being with other recovering alcoholics is what helps me and finding a way of being of service. i am involved in 2 programs that feed people for free. that is my current service work at this time. doing the steps will help you grow into the person you are meant to be. love you, jj
I am by no means fighting or avoiding the meetings, and as soon as my car keys are returned to me on Thursday I will be attending one in the morning and one in the evening. I already have the list of meeting sites and times.
I left the program and went back out last year for mainly two reasons: 1) I wasn't ready to stop drinking, and accept. 2) I did have a sponsor, but we didn't click.
I just wanted to be prepared on what to expect, that's all.
I can relate to the insanity that goes along with my alcoholism. It took me over 5 years in and out of AA to finally get my moment of clarity. Like you, every time was worse than the one before. Sad thing was, I rode that elevator all the way to the bottom. I lost things I'll never get back. Funny thing is, today all the things I lost have been replaced by better than I ever could have hoped for.
Only three things worked for me... meetings, getting a sponsor, and working the steps honestly and to the best of my ability. For me there was no other way. For me, there is STILL no other way. I love AA and the life it's helped me get back. Today I am the man I have always wanted to be.
It's been my experience that I can't quit drinking for the rest of my life. That's impossible for me to wrap my head around. Thankfully I only have to quit for today. I remember when I planned on "never drinking again" and how heavy a thought that was for me. That's why I (and all the sober alcoholics I know) live day by day, one day at a time.
It sounds to me like you have not been going to meetings...correct? Why wont your closest' take you? I would think they would be happy to help you out in that way as well. You may even want to call your local intergroup office and tell them you need a ride to meetings. Every time I've done that there's been someone who was more than happy to help. If you want this as bad as you say you do, you should be willing to go to any length, just like the BB says. I know many people that will walk more than 3 miles to get to meetings... that's how bad they want it.
One last thing I wanted to share that was taught to me was that I have no "reasons" for going back out, only excuses. Excuses will get me drunk, REASONS will get me and help me stay sober, ODAAT.
K.....
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
Aloha Sayla...so you already know that you can't do this without help and while under the influence...two things already known...get to meetings where others like us are at and don't drink. Simple...yes!! Easy No!! When you stop drinking you may start clicking better with your sponsor. The disease does have a loud voice and if you let it, it will drown out the voice of your sponsor and sobriety itself. Get the literature and the meetings and the sponsor and don't look back. Keep your eyes on your feet so you know where you stand and then look straight up and ask "where do you want me?"
Keep coming back here and tell us how you are doing cause that is what keeps us sober also.
I do miss the meetings and am looking forward to going back. I understand perfectly that it's too much to say "I'll never drink again". Believe me, I've tried bargaining this concept in many ways. It's day by day, I know that. I wake up each morning praying for mental protection, and go to bed each night thanking for another day under my belt sober.
Another reason to add to why I stopped going to the meetings: 3) I was my sponsors first sponsee. She needed me more than I needed her. I didn't choose her, the home group chose her for me. She never returned my calls when I'd call her at weak and confusing moments, I tried emailing and texting her also. Nothing. Twice I met with her outside of the meetings and she was drunk. She was beloved by other members in the home group, so to make a stink about it by asking for another sponsor would have been disasterous to my recovery. Solution: quit going.
Tomorrow (Thursday), I get my car keys back and will be going to the grocery store to restock the fridge and shelves after a couple meetings I have lined up. I can't avoid the wine aisle because I need to get other items on that aisle. Additionally, the last time I was in my car (3 weeks ago) I was drunk and I'm not even sure if I left empty bottles in there, or how it's going to smell. This is kind of weird, I don't know how better to explain this.
Another reason to add to why I stopped going to the meetings: 3) I was my sponsors first sponsee. She needed me more than I needed her. I didn't choose her, the home group chose her for me. She never returned my calls when I'd call her at weak and confusing moments, I tried emailing and texting her also. Nothing. Twice I met with her outside of the meetings and she was drunk.
Oh Heavens above!!!! I know that nothing is ever perfect in life but oh my goodness!
Good for you for starting again! Good for you!
I was at a convention my sponsor had taken me to, she said there was a wonderful man going to speak there.........turns out he man didn't speak - took a while to find him actually - he was flat out drunk on a sofa!
Oh we laugh about it today but I was a bit confused then. Oh well !
Hello, I promised you all an update, so here it is.
I'm still sober! Amen for that. The world appears so different to me now. I travel familiar roads I used to travel drunk, and all I can do is shake my head. Such insanity and such a waste.
I am attending meetings regularly and faithfully, and familiar faces are happy to see me back and have welcomed me with hugs and warm smiles. All of us alcoholics are part of the same family, I'm sure you all know what I mean. I picked up a white chip at every initial meeting.
I am also rebuilding my most profound relationships, and it has been an unsettling disappointment to realize who was only in it for superficial and selfish motivated reasons. So, those had to go.
Other than that update....it's just living a day at a time....sober!
I love this website, and read more than I write. And I'd like you all to know that I have gained so much from other people here, thank you!
I am a true blue alcoholic.
