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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Emotional Abuse
Post Info TOPIC: Emotional Abuse
Phil


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Emotional Abuse
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Emotional abuse is when one person in a relationship tries to control the other person's feelings or thoughts in order to gain power over them.  


Emotional abuse is also called emotional violence or mental, verbal or psychological abuse.


When emotional abuse occurs the feelings, interests, talents, desires, and thoughts of the other person, are completely disregarded by the abuser because their goal is to gain control and power.


Emotional abuse happens in many different ways.  Some examples of emotional abuse are:




Put downs: calling names; telling a partner that they are stupid or ugly, not good enough, or no one could ever love them


Frequently cursing or yelling at a partner


Threatening or intimidating: making a partner feel nervous or scared for themselves or someone they care about


Frequently criticizing or correcting the other person: talk, walk, dress


Lying or cheating


Playing mind games


Putting responsibility for ones own behavior on the partner


Making fun of/putting down the other person's family, culture, religion, race or heritage


Embarrassing or humiliating the other person, especially in front of other people


Withholding affection as punishment: not giving love if one partner doesn't do what the other one wants


Isolation from family, friends, work, and any other activity that the partner considers important


Telling a partner what they feel and what they think


Making all the decisions in a relationship and ignoring how the other partners feelings


Guilt Trips


Using the children to get ones own way


Being extremely jealous and using that jealousy to justify controlling behavior


Unfair accusations


Accusing the other partner of cheating as a way of manipulating them to do what the abuser wants


Demanding to know the partners every move


Using information the partner has revealed against them 


Irrational questioning to confuse the partner


Brainwashing


Constant sarcasm


Twisting of words


Double standards


If one, some or all of these examples are occurring in your relationship, it is abuse.  You do not deserve to be treated this way.  Nothing you have ever done justifies the behavior of your partner.  Your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and interests are valuable and important.  You are valuable and important.  


Emotional abuse is known as the most painful and most detrimental to self esteem.  It robs a person of their values, dreams, personality, and accomplishments.  When a person has experienced the pain and confusion of emotional abuse nothing has been left untorn.



-- Edited by Phil at 18:29, 2005-08-23

-- Edited by Phil at 18:35, 2005-08-23

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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Phil


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 2087
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 Each Day a New Beginning.



There were many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream--whatever that dream might be.
--Pearl S. Buck


No new door is opened without the inner urge for growth. Dreams guide us, encourage us, stretch us to new heights--and leave us momentarily empty when they are dashed.


Recovery has given us resilience and a multitude of reasons for living. We have come to understand that when one dream serves us no longer, it is making way for an even better one. Our dreams are our teachers. When the student is ready, a new one comes into focus.


Dreams in our earlier years often come to nought. They couldn't compete for our attention as effectively as the self-pity. The direction they offered was lost. Each day that we look forward with positive anticipation, we put the wreckage of the past farther from our minds.


Our dreams are like the rest areas on a cross-country trip. They refresh us, help us to gauge the distance we've come, and give us a chance to consider our destination.


Today's dreams and experiences are points on the road map of my life. I won't let them pass, unnoticed.



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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Rick


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 1155
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Reflection for the Day


Looking back, I realize just how much of my life has been spent in dwelling upon the faults of others. It provided much self-satisfaction, to be sure, but I see now just how subtle and actually perverse the process became. After all was said and done, the net effect of dwelling on the so-called faults of others was self-granted permission to remain comfortably unaware of my own defects. Do I still point my finger at others and thus self-deceptively overlook my own shortcomings?


Today I Pray


May I see that my preoccupation with the faults of others is really a smokescreen to keep me from taking a hard look at my own, as well as a way to bolster my own failing ego. May I check out the "why's" of my blaming.


Today I Will Remember


Blame-saying is game-playing.



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