Parent stuff

AmyWillWin · Veteran Member

Parent stuff

Dave Harm · Senior Member

When I drank, there was one thing my kids could rely on and that was that they couldn't rely on me. When I sobered up I realized how abused these kids were by neighbors and school mates because of my antics.

The worst was my step-son who was in fourth grade and had a neighbor constantly bullying him... this kid was in high school and just loved tormenting him.

The step-son was scared to mention it to me because when I drank I would say things like "Quit being a baby," "Grow-up," or "Be a man." So he suffered in silence.

When I did find out, I talked to the other kids dad and things stopped right away. It was a humbling experience for the both of us dads. he was a person I used to drink with and we both saw the effects our drinking had on our kids.

On a side note... this guy's kid committed suicide a couple of years later because the bully became the bullied.

It is a national problem anymore with kids being bullied and shouldn't be tolerated... if the parents won't stop it... go to the school. If they won't stop it go to the police. There are just to many sad stories with kids being bullied...

In my thoughts and prayers,
Dave

AmyWillWin · Veteran Member

Good point. I would have most likely gone all momma-bear (verbally, but not abusive-verbal), but I'm sure I wouldn't have handled it the right way, and I don't want to make the situation worse. Those two girls are just kids as well. I love kids, but I despise bullying behavior. The sad thing is, I know that their home lives leave a lot to be desired, so in some ways I pity them...having been there myself. However, I never was a bully. I have too much empathy, and my daughter, my little heart, is the same way. I sure was glad to hear her heatedly defending herself, standing up to the bigger girl even if only with words. There hasn't been any physical bullying, because these two girls know me and they know better. I don't want to fight Haleigh's battles for her, I want her to stand up for herself, but bigger kids picking on little kids is a sore spot with me. It makes me feel somewhat helpless, when I want to castigate these girls for behaving abominably, and it's not my place.

Jorvick · Veteran Member

Difficult to reply to online, lots of don't knows.

One of the main thoughts going through my head during early sobriety was to look after me, be selfish and avoid anything that would make me drink..... I couldn't do it or deal with it now.

BUT somehow I did do things during that time, I tried to run everything through the serenity prayer.

I tried to do amends to my eldest daughter (I was absent from her life for 10 years) BEFORE I came to AA. Found out yesterday she'd been having counselling for depression during this period, I could dwell on that but she hasn't had counselling since I came back into her life proper and sober - I had to have that time to sort me out, I didn't ignore my daughter but did what I had to do.

John · Admin

Your daughter looks like a very sweet girl. I don't have any great answers as to what to do about the situation, but I can say I am grateful that I'm no longer the drunk dad that would go out there, bully the bullies, and embarrass my kid, making him feel worse than the school bully ever did.

Kids can be so cruel to one another, as if they are completely indifferent to the human spirit, that just wants to love and be loved.

Just a suggestion, give your daughter a hug... a big one, and then go talk to parents of the bullies (nicely), and if that doesn't bring it to an end, go to the school, and if that doesn't bring it to an end... let the neighborhood kids see you having fun with a bat, smashing pumkin's in your front yard the day after halloween... LOL

John

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Amy, I told my son, when he was about 4 yo, that when people yell and call names, that they did so because they felt ugly about themselves and were trying to make someone else feel badly to try and make themselves feel better. I told him to tell them "have a nice day and I hope that you fell better tomorrow", smile and walk away. He never complained about what anyone said to him after that. It worked so well he even smiled at me through my lectures lol.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Amy,
I have four kids. 12, 10, 6 & 6 months.

Tell the little heathens off (as an authoritative adult) and then take it to school. Every bully is also a victim and if we don't show the bullies that their behavior is not okay and has consequences, than nobody will.

In my opinion, bullying is physical/emotional & verbal abuse. Period. It should be treated the same way any other domestic abuse situation is handled. Restraining orders, court-ordered therapy, etc. The cycle of abuse has to be stopped or it will a) continue in the victim and b) escalate in the offender.

Good Luck Mama-Bear,
Rob