Sometimes, is it just better to quit and say, I've had a good life?

MAL · Veteran Member

Sometimes, is it just better to quit and say, I've had a good life?

losinIt · Newbie

Hey girl, I hear ya but you gotta fight that kind of thinking. Believe me, I know! I'm an alcoholic and still attempting to get myself to a meeting. I have additional problems related to a mood disorder that (along with drinking) has caused me to think exactly the same thing. Why bother? I'd be better off...That's not you - that's whatever's bothering you.

I'm still working through it myself so I can't claim to know anything except depression/drinking = chicken/egg situation. Have you ever seen a psychologist? I started after a year of postpartum. THANK GOD. I was ready to check out there. I consider her a paid friend :) Someone who has to listen to your bullsh1t. I still call her when I'm freaking out and she squeezes me in.

A couple years later I finally made my way to a psychiatrist because I realized I had bigger problems and I've been on medication ever since. Another THANK GOD there. Again, I was at the end of my rope. I've since learned that alcoholism & depression/mental issues go hand in hand (no duh, huh?).

Long story short, it can be changed!

SUSIE · Senior Member

This is how we stay sober losinIt. You just did it. Reaching out to the suffering alcoholic and helping. We have to do this together. This is a WE program and you never have to go thru it alone. Hang in there MAL...... call someone from your meeting book. Talk to someone from the program!

AmyWillWin · Veteran Member

It's never too late...call someone. You don't have to be alone.

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey Mal,
You can not live for your husband or son in the early stages of fighting this disease. You need to live for your sobriety. You can not fix the other things until you fix you. If your husband is making you drink, you need time away from the husband. That is very common to those who are having trouble getting traction in the program. Do not worry about your son. You keep doing what is right, and the rest will fall in place. You can see that the cycle you are in has put you in a serious enough depression that you are having thoughts about "Taking ten pills".
Check yourself into a facility before you even think of that. PM Aquaman and get his insight on more stepped up programs. I forget what your work/family statis is. Can you share more with us? Do you have a sponsor you can share this with?
Tom

louisa · Senior Member

Mal,

Listen to me...THAT's an order NOT a suggestion. wink

At one time I reached such a horrendous low that I felt totally dead inside -I'm talking about in recovery.........I thought I would scream if I heard anyone mention the word "program" or sponsor .........I was just "gone".

You have alot of emotions to deal with at the moment and the program is sometimes simply not enough in itself.

I ended up in such despair I called the Samaritans......some may think that dramatic. I mean it when I say I had simply ceased to function. I feel they saved my life that day.....and a few other days too.

http://www.ncsp.org/samaritans.html

(I am in England but I think this is the correct link in USA if you want it).

I also at their suggestion went to see my doctor. I had always felt that as an alcoholic I somehow didn't deserve a doctors time.

I was chatting a while ago to a lovely man who is 62 and still yearns for the day his son forgives him. He knows that is in God's hands.

I have also been in the company of women who got sober in their 60's and have a live beyond their wildest dreams - children who totally eschewed them , now trust them enough to leave their grandchildren with them...........

Mal, things can change overnight. I have seen it so so many times.......I have experienced it myself. I can still get moments when the shame of my past can attempt to trip me up - nasty disease this!!!!!

I know a man who often shares that he has "prayed to die" in sobriety..........I have done the same.......I have begged to be released for the tiredness that sometimes overtakes me........but at the risk of sounding trite and unhelpful...I PROMISE YOU these feelings pass.

I reached out beyond AA as I have shared above and used a combination of all three things to help me. I needed it.

It is very hurtful to not have received notification of his dates......but we as AAs have to understand that these things take time.........he has his hurt to deal with and manage........God will choose the time when you both come together again as Mum & son.

As a child of 2 alcoholic parents I went through a phase of doing everything I could to make my point to my parents. I cut them out of my life for 7 years - not too long after my sister had died. I don't feel proud of that but I had to for my own survival.

Hey Mal!!!!!! Excuse me !!! But 60 is a baby these days !!!!! biggrin

Sending you LOTS & LOTS of love always,
Louisa xx

PM me if you want to anytime (((((Mal)))

-- Edited by louisa on Thursday 14th of October 2010 06:29:00 AM

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

MAL, So what if you are 60? So what if your son never changes? So what about your husband and his alcoholism and what he looks like? I think you are right to say screw it all. But it should be "I am tired of this life, so I SURRENDER and I am GOING to get a new one!" Now is not the time to give up and self-pity is literally our enemy. Self-pity is what keeps taking you back out. Get back up on the sobriety horse and stop being afraid of change. What worse can happen if you just change? You have described hating life already? I was at the point you are at now and that is when I truly got the desire to get sober.

I did end the relationship with the partner that was alcoholic and looked like hell...I didn't worry what my family thought cuz the first person that needed some focus and some healing was ME. Flash forward: Do you want to die a self-loathing scared alcoholic death... Or can you see yourself in 20 years as being a super fit, active, perhaps single and happy, or still married (depending on wherever the journey takes you) 80 year old with 20 years of sobriety and knowledge to pass on to others? There is just as good a chance that you could be the latter, but you have to thoroughly REJECT the former. Surrender your self-pity, your way of life, and just start fresh. NO...you don't need to end it. Rather, you need to surrender and start over. Surrender everything and go with the program. I guarantee it will work for you with that mentality.

Mark

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Hey MAL, thanks for being here. I can remember feeling sick and tired of struggling with this disease. I can remember coasting along being dry for a bit and then drinking again. I felt that the only way out was what you were thinking to.

I didn't want to come back to AA. But I did. I did what other people had told me that they did, and what you've done, admitted that the booze really had me beat and asked for help. I even did it on here, last year -- like what you've done.

It's worked, I'm sober today. I look back on those thoughts and feelings and it's like...huh? :))

AA is here for you...we're here for you...like Mark says...we just surrender..and go wit the program.

Keep coming back!

Steve

happycamper · MIP Old Timer

I dont understand why you're trying to make yourself better for other ppl ???

Since you have been trying to do that it is obvious that now you have a resentment against your hubby and your son, cuz you have been sober and they dont care.

Unless you get rid of the resentment, of course there is a good chance that you will drink again.

Where is your God, your sponsor, your home group, your self-respect ???

mikef · MIP Old Timer

pain shared is pain lessened,yes we do get weary and sometimes just plain fed up,but like the underlying thought of our 3rd step "we must remain 'committed' even when things look dim,we see no improvement and maybe even getting worse... bottom line we 'dont pick up' and we reach for help!!! It's in our Higher Powers hands,we put it there when'we came to believe" I have a 45 yr old son who is an addict and 23 year old son a hard core Heroin addict with a baby coming most likely addicted at birth, and a bag full of goodies that is "life on lifes terms'stuff and I could not handle any of it unless I totally surrendered and committed. Your recovery is most important ,without it we reinstitute and amplify any pain we are experiencing,sometimes not making it back!Sharing is a first step as "we" can all Identify.I am just about 63 going on 18 and also spent 25 years of my life in the grip and by God's grace,the support of our program have been able to work things out,by working in the solution,one day after another,a gift of life..........I would also check with some medical people if you are having feelings like you are sharing. Remember we will love you until you learn to love yourself,thats a promise!!!!Please come back and let us know how you are okay!!!!