Hey all...I have been clean and sober since april 15, 2010.
I was a binge drinker, but my addiction of choice was always prescription pills. Today, I decided to take 1 percocet that I found at my parents house (which was my usual source until a few years ago). I did not look for the bottle, or take the normal 7-8 pills I would need to get high. I just took that 1. I know that the addict part of me just wanted the pill, but there was a big part of me that just wanted to know that these damn pills do NOT control me and I do NOT have to be afraid of them. I did not get high from it, didnt even like the small impact I felt on my body, and am confident I never want them again. I know it was dangerous to try and prove this to myself...and I am certainly not thinking I can use recreationally. Once I get high, I will want to do it again.
Did a Doctor prescribe it to you for an injury or chronic pain?
Did you take it accidently?
For me if I knowingly and willingly take a drink or a drug and it's not prescribed by a doctor I relapsed because I know in my heart I did, what you do is up to you but I have a question
On April 15 2011 are you going to be able to pick up a chip to claim a year of sobriety? Will you be able to look everyone in the eye and state categorically without reservation that you have been clean and sober for a year?
That is what is important, will you be able to look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and be true to yourself when you claim that one year chip?
That is what will kill you, not raising your hand but lying to yourself and others, that is my experience is people who lie to themselves and others about their sobriety date pay an incredibly heavy cost, I have seen them break down countless times in meetings months after the event crying and sharing how the burden and guilt was eating them alive, was killing them from the inside
So you being an online person I don't know, I say it's up to you, were you someone I knew face to face I'd state categorically it's a "relapse" or a "slip" and to start over because there was something you missed and that it was of critical importance you didn't lie to yourself or others about it because the results of that are catestrophic.
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Yes. Do not be afraid. It was hard in some ways for me to announce to everyone I slipped for one night. It was to my ultimate benefit to be honest and straight with myself and others. The end result was that I deepend my connection to others in the fellowship among other things. I was also warned about the danger of keeping secrets and I did not want not being honest to send me out permanently and ultimately kill me. So glad I am still here today, sober. I truly hope I see you back here too.
Great post and question...I'd like to hear more from the membership. For me yes it was a relapse in thinking and feeling and behavior and ours is a disease not a moral issue. Relapse for me mostly happens on the thinking level and emotional level before the program blocks any further advance. I listen intently to relapsers who have gone back out and into the bottle of whatever because it is that part of the process I have not succumbed to yet. If I do I'm pretty well toast if I cannot arrest the run with total abstinence and then treat it as a speed bump and not a plane crash. I've drank to toxic shock in the past so I need whatever I've learned and been freely given to aid the arrest of a return. Don't let your ego get in the way of your continued sobriety. We are not saints...we are not perfect and all we have is a day at a time. Keep on keeping on.
Leave other peoples prescripts alone. ((((hugs))))
Reminds me of how they say in AA.... If you don't think your an alcoholic go out and try some more control drinking. You said that the pills did not control you. Then why did it get you to take it. Bottom line .... We have no control over our addictions. But we do have some control over our recovery. Stay in the solution. Its always OK to start over. You are being honest with the board, just be honest with yourself too! Have a great day!!
Yes that's like saying I only took one drink but I didn't get drunk. There's no shame in it just start again at step one admiting you are powerless over the first pill or drink.
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Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.
