Helll Jenna,

And welcome to the board. Sounds like you're doing well going to about a meeting a day. That's important along with building a sober network of folks that you meet in meetings including finding a temporary sponsor, just ask at any meeting. Keep coming back.

Ok...you really should be working steps 1 through 3 primarily throughout your first year. They are your foundation and rushing them is not good for you. Are you doing this with a sponsor? If not then you are doing yourself no favor. I already caught that you are not really ready for step 3 because step 2 includes believing that your higher power will restore you to sanity. From what you wrote, you have not come to believe in your higher power enough to return you to sanity. You believe in a higher power, but need to work more on defining that relationship and how it can help you before turning your will and life over to the care of that higher power/God.

Also, I might add that in step 3 most people seem to get confused about turning their will and their life over to the CARE OF God. This does not mean that you sit back and trust God to do everything. God is not going to finish your college degree, find you a spouse, clean up all your messes. You have to do the work and God is there to help you just figure out the next right thing to do for today.  Very simple. Step 3 involves trusting the process that, as long as you do the work and have faith, God will carry you and it will all turn out how it is supposed to. You might want to investigate how much you don't trust God due to God not saving you from your own willfull screw ups versus how much God was actually with you when you made better choices in your past. Good luck,

Mark

P.S. I thought I was going to master the steps by day 6 also...It's okay to let this stuff sink in.  You are doing something great each day you stay sober.  Don't overcomplicate the process.  Excellent job on 6 days!!!

-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 15th of September 2010 01:56:58 PM

I would suggest getting a sponsor who has worked the steps out of the Book of Alcoholics Anonymous with a sponsor who had worked the steps and following their instruction exactly, which usually consists of reading through the book and working the step as you come to it, this has worked for tens of millions of Alcoholics to achieve permanent and lifelong sobriety all over the world.

I got a sponsor by attending meetings and listening for someone of the same sex that "has what you want" most notably long term sobriety and emotional stability, one who speaks from experience and doesn't dispense advice, instead of saying "you should" says "I did"

In the Book titled "Alcoholics Anonymous" there is contained "The Program" of Alcoholics Anonymous, in which it tells precisely how we recovered from Alcoholism, the steps as written out on the wall are nice to look at but are to be viewed almost like "Chapters", step one is reached on page 30 after reading the first portion of the book including the prefixes, step 2 is contained in we agnostics, step 3 is pages 60-63 and so on

Anything else is working someone's else's interpretation of the program, which may work for them, but may get you drunk, If I told you to work "my program" the way "I did it" as opposed to "The Program" as it is laid out in the book I would be doing you an incredible disservice and quite possibly endangering your life, and most certainly be endangering your sobriety out of well meaning ignorance and just not enough experience.




-- Edited by LinBaba on Wednesday 15th of September 2010 05:16:09 PM

Rainspa wrote:

---

steps as written out on the wall are nice to look at but are to be viewed almost like "Chapters"

Er, no. They really are the steps to take. The book, and all other liturature is to support HOW to do the steps. So is a sponsor. And meetings.

---

Maybe I wasn't clear

In AA we work on the principle of sharing our "Experience, Strength, and Hope" which is we say, "this is what I did" not "this is what you should do", it is the very foundation of AA and one of the main reasons AA works, see step 12, one drunk talking to another, one drunk saying "this is what happened, this is what I did" not one drunk giving advice or telling another drunk what to do, The book, fellowship and program are based on sharing "precisely how we have recovered"

The OP is trying to work the steps as they are written on the wall

SO, I was explaining the steps are IN the Book, for example

we go to AA to Quit drinking

so let's pretend for a moment when we walk in there is a sign on the wall

"Don't Drink"

makes sense, right? Problem solved

"Don't Drink"

If that's all there was to it, we could turn around and go home, mission accomplished, all I have to do is "don't drink"

well it has turned out to not be that simple for many of us

well in AA we learned how to do that and be comfortable in our own skin

How?

by working the steps

let's for example take the third and fourth steps, this is a random example

On the wall it says "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him"

it says in the middle of page 60:

"Being convinced we were at step three, which is we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood him. Just what do we mean by that and just what do we do?"

It then explains precisely what we mean by that and precisely what we do, It explains selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of all our problems, not drinking, and that we use God to push out that selfishness, ending with "This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once"

Nothing is written on the wall about 100 forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking and self pity and how that is what has been driving us, nor what to do about it, which is make a decision and do the fourth step.

then it's on to the fourth step

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

great....

ummm....how do we do that?

well it's laid out on starting on page 63 near the bottom starting with the word "next" it tells us step by step exactly how to do the fourth step:

Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning which many of us had never attempted

it even gives us a time table

Though our decison (step 3) was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.

I goes on to explain how to put things in columns, how to look for our part etc


ending on page 71 where it says "If you have already made a decision, (step 3) and an inventory of your grosser handicaps (step four) you have made a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself"

Working the step as laid out on the wall and laid out in the book are 2 different animals was my point, nothing is mentioned on the wall in step 3 about our biggest problem is our vast selfishness and self centeredness, nothing is written on the wall in the fourth step about when or how to do this crucial step, this is what I meant, yes, work the steps, but work them out of the book but thank you for pointing out I needed to be more clear and explain what I said to be understood by the meanest understanding so there is no possibility of a misunderstanding

-- Edited by LinBaba on Wednesday 15th of September 2010 04:25:32 PM

Aloha Jenna...Wow...getting sober and 6 days without drinking and going to meetings
and checking in with MIP...You want it!!  Keep that willingness and openmindedness
and honesty cause you will get great motivation from it.  I didn't even know I had to
get sober.  I found the doors to AA thru the doors of Al-Anon.  My wife was the one
with the drinking problem not me!!  I procrastinate on everything, am oppositional
defiant there also, stubborn and self centered to the max and with the steps in
Al-Anon (adapted from AA) I was able to stay without alcohol for 9 years before
finally getting to do my very own assessment on my drinking history.  I am, not
was, alcoholic and like your parents I continue to do this program.   The third step
for me was a revelation in that I could say I knew about God as I was taught all
those years before program...Private Parochial Schools, thelogy lessons, service
all that stuff...spoke latin even (cannot when I'm drunk though).  I was studied
but not experienced in actually having an ongoing relationship with a God of my
understanding.  Step 3 for me was building that relationship to where I can say from
my experiences in it that God Is (that's my meditation focus today) and I prefer to
be within God Is.   Like it has been said here already I have to do my part of God Is
which is turning my life and will over 24/7.  I am not a priest, monk, friar, guru or
anything other than a human male person recovering from alcoholism and attached
to a power greater than myself.   It's a simple program for complicated people.

I'm grateful for your post cause the constant meetings part was what I did also.

((((hugs))))

Welcome to the group, and welcome to AA.

It was my experience when I first came to AA that I didnt get a good sponsor, I didnt rely on God and I didnt work the steps. And I DID get drunk , repeatedly.
I did however go to meetings and alot of them.

For me, steps 1 & 2 were merely a state of mind type of working steps. ( and I did follow in the book, and guided by my sponsor ) This is when I suffered my last drunk and got serious about staying alive and working the program.
step 1, yep Im powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable. ( I didnt write anything down, or make a list of the unmanageablility or how I was powerless ) I knew all this stuff, it was very, very fresh in my head, not to mention facing me like every single minute of every single day.

step 2, yep, I believe in God , and heres the kicker for me ... I had to believe that God could restore me to sanity. ( now, Im not insane, far from it. But, my thinking that i can take only 1 drink and stop is insane ) see for me, its the insanity of taking that first drink.

step 3, now this requires some serious effort , not to mention some real heartfelt determination to do what the step is asking.
Took me awhile but I learned that my 'will' is my thinking, and my 'life' is my actions. I had to start to attune my thinking and my actions to God. All of them, the good ones and the bad ones. This took some practice and thankfully my sponsor helped me with different types of little exercises, as well as repeatedly saying the 3 rd step prayer until I really, really felt the meaning of every sentence with every being of my body.

I am so thankful for my sponsor. She helped me to learn how to rely on God. My sponsor is a good teacher. And when I thank her for being such a good teacher, she thanks me for being such a willing student
Oops, pretineer forgot ... my sponsor and i took step 3 together too, just the way the book describes.  ( even tho it doesnt say you have to do it with a sponsor ).

My sponsor is an internet sponsor, and lives in another state about 8 hours from me.  when we started working the 3 rd step and both agreed that I was comfortable with it, she had me start writing my grudge list. Within 10 days of finishing that, I was on a vacation and travelled to see her, then we took the 3 rd step prayer togther, went over it all, i shared my 4 th step with her and we did the 5th too.  Wam bam, ,thankyou Mam !! lol, it was great. and then I went back to my hotel room and got my book,which I already had with me cuz i had it at my sponsors house, and read about the 6th and 7th steps and did what it said in the book.

Working the steps, in order , in a timely fashion is and has been key for my sobriety.

-- Edited by happycamper on Wednesday 15th of September 2010 08:08:09 PM

I have to thank all of you for your comments. It is very exciting for me to see the support that I have. It is nice to know that I am not alone...

Today is day 7 and I am proud of this accomplishment. It's only been 7 days but my body feels so much better. I just need to work on my mind.

I am going to my first big book meeting tonight and I am looking forward to it. I have tried to read the book on my own but some of the things they are saying doesn't make sense. Perhaps it's because my mind is still sick.

I took the advice from a member I spoke to last night. I woke up this morning and my first thought was I am not going to drink today and I said a prayer. I am not ready to give myself over to my higher power but I can start by talking to him. I think the rest will fall into place. Hopefully.... ha ha ha

I am sure this doesn't make sense but for today and right at this moment I am feeling great.... I want to hang on to that and never let go.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I am sure you will see lots of posts from me especially during the day. This site helped me through the day yesterday (I wanted to drink). It helped me pass some of the time away to make it to my meeting. Thanks again.

Stacey

Jenna - Your higher power is under development...It is okay to give it time while you stay sober. You are on a spiritual journey and you are going to figure this stuff out with meetings, sponsorship, and soul searching. For now, just believing in the process of recovery and meetings IS believing in a higher power...and by GOING to the meeting and GETTING a sponsor, you are actively turning over your will to a higher power. This is just my take on how the steps work... If over time when you see some miracle happening in your life as a result of your sobriety, your belief in God changes, that can be your higher power at that time. All is well and congrats on day 7. Hope you find a sponsor soon and post here often. We are here for you and you inspire me and help me by hearing about your efforts.

Mark