Hello and Welcome! The shame is not in relapse,the real shame is not making it back!! Here you are so lets start again.We say "nothing changes,if nothing changes,so what are you going to different this time?My suggestions are 'decide if your done! if you make that decision then we are able to help through suggesting things that worked and have not worked for us.Showing up,listening to learn,90/90(meetings in 90 days) listen for a sponsor,share (when you can) as if your life depends on it(and it does)find a support group that isn't using,take it one day at a time and get into the "solution" our steps,traditions and concepts..You have tasted freedom from addiction before so you'll have to want this more than you do the life on the "downbound train to oblivion!We are here in support for each other and to offer our "suggestions"Keep coming back,you know you can find a new way to live, but it does take more then just remaining abstinent(must start there) to live a life of "recovery"learning about the physical,mental and spiritual part of this disease that will continually tell you ,you don't have a disease..Put the monster in the closet and join us!! peace.....,hope leading to faith leading to trust...........
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Thank you for the advice, this is life or death for me!!! I went to the hospital to detox again and I have acute pancreatitis, and my liver enzymes are triple what they should be I've never worked the steps and I've been trying to get sober for 10 yrs. So I know what I have to do!!! I also have to watch that I dont get complacent!! I dont want just sobriety, I want happy sobriety!!! I see my Father and he stopped going to meetings so he was just a dry drunk, although he is drinking again know. Yes I know just not using is not enough!!! I'am so ready for happiness in sobriety
Thank you for the advice, this is life or death for me!!! I went to the hospital to detox again and I have acute pancreatitis, and my liver enzymes are triple what they should be I've never worked the steps and I've been trying to get sober for 10 yrs. So I know what I have to do!!! I also have to watch that I dont get complacent!! I dont want just sobriety, I want happy sobriety!!! I see my Father and he stopped going to meetings so he was just a dry drunk, although he is drinking again know. Yes I know just not using is not enough!!! I'am so ready for happiness in sobriety
" I've never worked the steps and I've been trying to get sober for 10 yrs. So I know what I have to do!!!"
You know the answer already.
The sooner you start the sooner you will get better.
Larry, -------------- "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong
It took suffering that last drunk for me. The one where I was suicidal cuz I too was getting drunk all the time with 2 yrs of AA in my head. Didnt think I could stop drinking so figured might as well end my life cuz' I sure didnt want to live drunk.
Something happened .. I truely believe at that time I was suffering and struggling, experiencing the worst hangover Id ever had, crying, feeling that awful depression that only an alcoholic knows, that God removed the obsession to drink from me.
From that point forward ( including today ) I followed my sponsors suggestions and havent found it necessary to pick up a drink in almost 6 yrs.
It is ONLY by the grace of God and the program / fellowship / 12 steps of AA that I can share this with you.
I had to be willing to do whatever it took to just not drink. What are you willing to do Detroit ??
( hey, btw .. Im in northern Michigan Oh and welcome to MIP, lots of good folks here.
In your Bio, you stated you just got out of Rehab. and were cross addicted. Within that rehab time, you must have kicked the Opiates, right...
Staying away from them first, just a suggestion.
all below is a mix of suggestions and some ES& Hope.
Do you still have the thirty days from your last drink? Hope so, but that does not matter, what does is that you are here today with us, your now in a little family with us dear so stay for a while, please....
I was cross addicted to Valium, and always wondered why I could never stop relapsing. Valium now as I have been told is alcohol in power form...
So you are asking for help, dont want to drink anymore, and 10 years of now working the steps. The 12 Steps of this Program is the WAY OUT of the Disease.
A Perfect Step one must be done, getting a Sponsor to help you with that....the rest of steps are just as critical but we do them to the best of our ability...
It can be found in the Complete Surrrending of Step One, that is the perfection part, we must "Admit we are Powerless over Alcohol, and our lifes are unmanagable"
On of our Posters use to have "We must Surrender to WIN" as his signature..
Lifting up your eyes to the sky, and asking, begging GOD of your understanding for HELP with not picking up is so valuable....(When I was ready to finally check out and my third suicide attempt was not successful, from the shame of never getting any real recovery in me, I did that, and have to Say I was Begging God, but not of my understanding, in my mind I felt God wanted nothing to do with the likes of me, now I know that was good ole catholic fear in me, and have since changed to a God of my Understanding that is THERE for me, in the same way he was almost 20 years ago when I begged him to show me a different way...HE removed my compulsion to consume a daily habit of than a quart of Brandy daily....and it had been that way for some time, family had left, even my friends, and I was completely alone with my Alcohol.
I do have to share something with you Detroit, I have never heard, not even once, of a person begging God for Help with not picking up, where that help DID not Come.
Go to God please dear.....
Hugs and saying a Prayer for you, so many of us have histories like yours, and hope is never gone...
Sending Love, Tonicakes
I notice we have the same avatar, so you must be in the right place.......
Hoping to see you tomorrow and the next day and the day after that....and the next day, well you get the picture....
-- Edited by Just Toni on Saturday 4th of September 2010 07:43:43 PM
It sounds like you have the knowledge, but the MOST important thing that needs to be present is the willingness. I don't consider what I did was relapsing, because there were never any real times of recovery. It took me 5 years in and out of AA and treatment centers to finally become willing to surrender. I wanted what all the happy old timers had, so I listened to what they said, and did what the suggested. Here I am, a few 24 hours later HAPPY with life, and loving my recovery. I have a wonderful sponsor, a willing sponsee, and continue to work the steps and practice their principles in all my affairs. I've been given the opportunity to return to a rehab center as a counselor, and have experienced things in life I never thought possible.
It's hard work. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. It's also the most rewarding, worthwhile thing I've ever done. After practicing using the tools I was given, things have become second nature for me today. I don't "think" about staying sober. I don't "think" about what I have to do to not pick up a drink...I just don't. The compulsion and desire to drink has been completely removed. That's a miracle. So without giving you advice, here's what worked for me:
I found a home group and attend meeting regularly I got a sponsor I started studying (not just reading) my BB I worked the steps and did what was suggested As soon as I could, I started doing service work I continue to give away what was so freely given to me
So far, that has worked for me, but I'm always open to new suggestions and ideas. I keep an open mind, I'm Honest with God, myself, and others, and I'm willing to do what AA asks me to do. For me, it has become a very simple program...I just don't drink.
Just take it one day at a time. Do not dirnk just for 24 HOURS. Go to a meeting every single day if neccesary, pick up the phone, and don't get complacent once you have a little time under your belt.
I am preaching to the choir here, I have been one heck of a relapser myself, and what I have learned from that is what I have just written here.
Please keep us posted, and welcome to the forum!
joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
It takes you to be so broken and empty that you KNOW on a deep level that being sober is really your only option. That is how you work a perfect step 1. Stop repeating a cycle of trying to turn a pickle back into a cucumber. It is NEVER going to happen. Stop sabotaging yourself and give yourself a shot at life. You are committing slow suicide and taking everyone who cares about you down with you. You are probably wrapped up in thinking that your life is so stressful that relapse keeps occuring, but in reality, you are a spinning tornado of selfishness to think anyone should watch you kill yourself little by little over a 10 year period. This is not what God intended for you to do with your life. So..when people here are saying SURRENDER...they mean for you to give up this total insanity and start letting a higher power be in command of you. Get a sponsor you can trust Immediately! Do whatever he tells you to do. Work AA and go to meetings like your life depends on it, cuz it does! I don't mean to sound unloving or harsh. The real fact of the matter is I feel for you so much cuz I was in that hopeless state you sound like you were in. BUT...I had just enough faith to believe AA would work and to latch onto all aspects of the program. Hence, it has worked for me and I KNOW if you do the same 100 percent it will work for you.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hi Everybody!!! Thanks for all the advice, I could feel the compassion and empathy!!! Yesterday I had 30 day(WHEE!!!) I am so excited, I've been apt. hunting and thought I had found the perfect place, I put a deposit down and was already to move in. Well the landlady e-mailed me and told me that she changed her mind, that she ran into an old friend that needed a place to stay. My jaw hit the floor!! It used to be when you made a deal with someone, you stuck with your word. Well needless to say I was pretty upset, now I have to start all over again and its not easy finding in my price range. Guess what?? Normally I would go straight to the bottle or drugs. Not this time, I went to a meeting nstead!!! Hey I think I might be on to something!!!!
Congrats on 30 days! That was a hard one for me to get. Reading your last post, I couldn't help but think that maybe God has something better in store for you as far as apartments go. I understand the frustration, but you did the RIGHT thing my friend. Keep it up!
Don't just go to a meeting when bad stuff happens...go every day for now regardless of what happens. I drank when happy, sad, neutral, when I stubbed my toe...So you should go to meetings now daily regardless. It is good that your natural reflex is becoming that you look to go to meetings to relieve stress though instead of drinking. Keep it up!!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I'm a chronic relapser, need some advice please!!!!
I've never worked the steps and I've been trying to get sober for 10 yrs. So I know what I have to do!!! I also have to watch that I dont get complacent!! I dont want just sobriety, I want happy sobriety!!! I see my Father and he stopped going to meetings so he was just a dry drunk, although he is drinking again know. Yes I know just not using is not enough!!! I'am so ready for happiness in sobriety