For the love of God, someone help me. I have RUINED my life. I have lost almost everyone and everything. There's a chance I could be going to jail because of my drinking. I HATE this disease. Someone, anyone... help.
Call your local AA office. They can get you started and get you a schedule of meetings. Look up the number in the phone book or google your city and get the number.
Call your local AA office. They can get you started and get you a schedule of meetings. Look up the number in the phone book or google your city and get the number.
Susan B.
I second that. As bad as it seems right now, continuing to drink can make everything worse. You sound like you may be at the point of complete and total surrender, but the re are 2 ways you can go. Please make the choice to call AA and let them guide to you a life free from alcohol.
Hello JJ ,,admission (thats good) surrender(hopefully its total) grab a seat ,follow directions and join us in a "new way of life" Let us know how its going, I am anticipating you using your directory to find a meeting,get some support,get to know your disease and one day at a time ,stifle it!! In support and prayer.
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Along with all the good suggestions, which I agree with 100%, just wanted you to know that is how we all felt before that Surrender, you are not alone dear, and that Surrender has to be complete.....
A Desire to quit is all that is needed for membership and planting butt in chair is the right way is the way to begin.... (funny I used that term Planting, cause this is exactly how the seeds of Recovery begin to Blossom)
The 12 Steps of this Program will save you life, and the good news is that only, today, that first step, "We admitted we were Powerless over alcohol, and our Lives had become unmanageable" That is the only Step that must be done to PERFECTION.... for now
You have just entered a family of people that could not, not drink for years, yet here we sit after many years, one day at a time, and have stayed sober continuously, just one day at a time, but that the full surrender and the Perfection of that first step......I stumbled for years, and my life was coming to a conclusion, I was a hard case you might say, but hey, here I am at close to 20 years, this September 12, 2010.....and with Gods help, I always give him ALL the credit, left to my own devices, ...............well now starting to ramble...so Stay tuned, find a meeting, and plant that seed.
Hugs, one of your new friends here, Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Friday 27th of August 2010 01:08:13 PM
I want to thank everyone for their support and comments. The thing is, this isn't my first time. I've tried AA. I've done rehabs. Anything you can think of I've done. That's why I feel like my friends and family have just had enough. I can do so well for so long and then out of nowhere I stop doing AA. I stop what works. And I'm good... for a bit. Then I wanna drink. And I do... and after that everything is downhill :(
Ditto to every word, I did exactly that too, had made a decision that I was a hopeless case, stopped going completely, that is what your Disease wants from you............and trust me dear it is one fast slide into HELL after that.....
It just takes what it takes, the Progression of this Disease is very powerful, the most powerful of the stages in my opinion, we stand at a turning point, when we have reached a condition of not, not drinking.....then it between you and your HP.
I need to say to you that I have never heard of any drunk, asking, begging God for help, where the HELP did not come...
Food for thought,
God Bless you my dear friend.....
So from one person that was considered hopeless by myself and many others by then, Miracles happen every day, and every single person that is here today, and in the Rooms of AA is a walking talking Miracle....
Hugs and Praying that you will beg for help from you HP, and see how that works...HOPE NEVER DIES!
Tonicakes
-- Edited by Just Toni on Friday 27th of August 2010 01:55:11 PM
I need to say to you that I have never heard of any drunk, asking, begging God for help, where the HELP did not come...
I promise you JJ that is my experience too.
You can do this. I recently bumped into someone who had tried on and off for years - (sometimes achieving quite long stretches of sobriety too)- both in and out of AA - that person now has 2 years sober in AA .
No matter how it has gone up until yesterday you can restart today. My situation was temporary (and bad) and then I came to understand patient change with hope and with faith in a HP and the fellowship. If you think you are doomed you're using your drinking mind. Gotta use the mind of the fellowship and a good sponsor starting right now. MIP is one of the gold mines I have found for my own recovery and I can sit here, listen, learn and practice, practice, practice...Humility is being teachable so practice that and keep coming back. Ain't gonna tell you how powerful this disease is cause you have got that one down pat. Let us and the entire fellowship help you save your own butt. Got a big book and a sponsor? You can't do it alone...you've stated that awareness here...forget your way and start with AA's way. In support ((((hugs))))
The thing is, this isn't my first time. I've tried AA. I've done rehabs. Anything you can think of I've done. That's why I feel like my friends and family have just had enough. I can do so well for so long and then out of nowhere I stop doing AA. I stop what works. And I'm good... for a bit. Then I wanna drink. And I do... and after that everything is downhill :(
JJ, I was where you are. I detoxed in the hosp and then thought I was fine. drank again.
Went into rehab; thought everyone was nuts. drank again
I finally became sick and tired of being sick and tired. Are you tired of being sick and tired yet? I don't mean to sound harsh; sometimes harsh is what some people need.
Do you believe in God? If you do get down on your knees and beg for help. He will answer your prayers you just have to give it time.
Why do you think you do so well and then drink. Bored? Angry? Lonely? You need to do anything but pick up that 1st drink. I mean anything. Get to a meeting, go on a walk, go see a movie. There are tons of things that you can do besides picking up the drink. Have you read the BB yet?
Experience has proved that recovery from alcoholism is contingent on
1. Having a sincere desire to stop drinking.
2. Admitting and believing in our innermost hearts that we are powerless over alcohol.
3. Looking upon alcoholism as a fatal and incurable illness involving the body, mind, and spirit.
4. Considering ourselves as patients in A.A. for treatment.
5. Identifying alcohol as a poison rather than a beverage for us.
6. Making it our business to understand how alcohol affects us.
7. Realizing we are alcoholics.
8. Learning, practicing, and having faith in the 12 steps of the A.A. program.
9. Believing we can arrest our alcoholism, but we can never drink normally again.
10. Gaining a lay person's knowledge of how alcoholism affects our health and well-being.
11. Using this knowledge and understanding of our illness not only to gain sobriety but to guard against the danger of a return to drinking.
12. doing this partially by keeping in our minds a mental picture of the unmanageable life alcohol demands from us and our powerlessness over it.
I agree with Susan. Drop to your knees and ask the open sky for help. Really ask for help in a sincere way. If youve been to AA you know the drill, but YOU can not stop this disease. I can not stop the disease. The only way is to surrender. Give it to some Higher Power even if you do not understand how that HP will manifest itself in your life. You are reaching out to us in the manner you should reach out to your HP!!! You are on the right track! A suggestion would be to go to the nearest place you consider "holy." A church? A synagoge? Who cares. A meeting? Sure! My Dad was so distraught when he hit bottom he walked through the snow in his slippers to a Catholic rectory and beat on the door slobbering drunk and ASKED for help. The rectory was dark and just as he fell to the snowy ground sobbing, thinking that the world had turned against him, a light came on in the window and a retired priest helped him in and convinced him that God (my Dad's HP) was listening and was with those who ASKED for help. You have asked for help here in the manner you need to ask your HP! Anything can be your HP, in fact, you asked for help, and your HP answered through us. Why not take the next step and face your HP? We will be here for you in a virtual world, but you need human contact! Good Luck, Tom
-- Edited by turninggrey on Friday 27th of August 2010 06:11:51 PM
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
I want to thank everyone for their support and comments. The thing is, this isn't my first time. I've tried AA. I've done rehabs. Anything you can think of I've done. That's why I feel like my friends and family have just had enough. I can do so well for so long and then out of nowhere I stop doing AA. I stop what works. And I'm good... for a bit. Then I wanna drink. And I do... and after that everything is downhill :(
are you me? lol I'm in the same situation! and I have a very similar pattern.
I almost got my first DUI 3wknds ago, but for some reason that i dont remember (blackout) I didn't but there were other consequences (family)...i'm taking this as a wake up call. I'm back square 1 again, but i guess whats important is that i made it back ;)
-- Edited by happinessisawarmgun on Saturday 28th of August 2010 02:12:21 AM
P.S JJ...........As the saying goes - "God/HP loves a trier".
As long as my sponsees are trying I simply say to them......."Just start again.........day one!"......and that is exactly what we do.
Try not to beat yourself up over this if you can. Even after 8 years sobriety I keep a beginners mind........I know deep down my default setting is to drink.......
I want to thank everyone for their support and comments. The thing is, this isn't my first time. I've tried AA. I've done rehabs. Anything you can think of I've done. That's why I feel like my friends and family have just had enough. I can do so well for so long and then out of nowhere I stop doing AA. I stop what works. And I'm good... for a bit. Then I wanna drink. And I do... and after that everything is downhill :(
You say you have tried EVERYTHING...so you probably have tried medications in addition to AA, rehab, etc...but just wanted to add, I have taken Naltrexone for a few weeks and combined with AA, therapy, substance abuse program it has helped me tremendously to stay sober. I truly have no desire to drink, my brain is so much more at peace without the maddening desires for alcohol.
When you are truly ready and sick of repeating the cycle of relapse...you will. You have to accept on a deep deep level that you are NEVER going to master alcohol and EVERY TIME in your life it has mastered you time and time and time and time again. It will never be any different. Something is not working with the way you have worked AA before...it is not because AA doesn't work. Try giving your life to this process of recovery rather than giving life up to booze. You can never slack off on meetings. Frankly, I believe you should jump into AA so thoroughly for a while (with a sponsor, stepwork, fellowship with sober friends, service) that it becomes automatic for you to go and to get the treatment that we all need to stay sober. It is a better way. Nobody ever fails in AA if they want sobriety bad enough.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I want to thank everyone for their support and comments. The thing is, this isn't my first time. I've tried AA. I've done rehabs. Anything you can think of I've done. That's why I feel like my friends and family have just had enough. I can do so well for so long and then out of nowhere I stop doing AA. I stop what works. And I'm good... for a bit. Then I wanna drink. And I do... and after that everything is downhill :(
Seems to me that you know the answer.
Larry, ------------ You don't have a problem. You have a solution you don't like
-- Edited by Larry_H on Sunday 29th of August 2010 01:52:45 PM
Some of the things I can think of are working all the steps, which means you've got to step 12 and have sponsees that call you, and service commitments.
"out of nowhere I stop doing AA"
What do you tell your sponsees? Your sponsor? Service commitments? People that you are calling in program that you've invited to call you?
Yep...this is what I was thinking of. Have you even gotten as far as letting a sponsor in and completely trusting him and calling daily? If you want sobriety, you will do these things. You will be beat down enough to try anything and then...like a lightbulb going off...you will have the psychic shift needed for lasting sobriety. I could not do it or stay sober at all until I was emotionally beat down to do just about whatever people told me to do in AA.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
JJ, Many or our strongest members have given you solid experience, strength and hope. You know who has work to do. You also know that your story is not unique. Why do we fall? So we learn better how to get up.
You came to a good place, but Meetings are a better place.