The BB says that alcoholics drink for the effect produced by alcohol. That's not a bad reason for drinking. I would not have drank alcohol if it did not produce a sense of ease and comfort, which came at once by taking the first drink. The question that almost nobody asks is why do I continue drinking long after I have experienced the effect that I was seeking for. Why can't I stop? The BB attempts to answer this, by saying that we are suffering from a physical allergy of the body. This is why I could not stop. The body has changed chemically. I don't have to understand it but I have to acknowledge it. This is where the problem of the alcoholic begins. I spend a lifetime proving that I could drink normally again. This is the great obsession of the mind and many follow it to the gates of insanity or death.
This is a good post Gonee. For me I drank because it was there (boredom? or just because it was there and I could.) I am a chemically tolerant drunk so I wasn't buzzing like my family and friends were and it was there. Family history and culture figured into it plus society norms and expectations figured into it and I drank. It was there. My first "hit" at 9 years of age was the largest high I would ever get. I never got that effect again so at times alcohol didn't fulfill my expectations and desires and it was there and I didn't have any plans to do anything different. I drank and then I drank again and then I drank until I couldn't drink anymore.
Mind altering, mood altering chemical...not a food source...toxic. Learned that after I stopped.
I pretty much loved alcohol from the get-go, especially beer. I can't say I loved the taste of beer from the start, but I developed the taste very quickly. I loved everything about it. I suppose if it was all for taste I could have been drinking near beer, but near beer just reminded me of the real thing, in both taste and effect, and served only to make me want the real thing. So I don't drink near beer in sobriety, it would serve no useful purpose. Same for "near wine" which I have tasted, and found it to be a little too "authentic" and passed on any more experiments.
I'm a thinker. I love to study, to analyze, to compare and contrast. I like to hear multiple viewpoints from the reasonable to the radical. If there is a decision to make, I try to base it on whatever facts I can gather, and any like-minded opinions I can relate to. In the case of AA - even having been exposed to 12 steps as a child - I really didn't know much. I'm actually kind of grateful I didn't have the chance to think it all through before coming to my first meeting, or I may have thunk myself out of it completely. Certainly I've seen many think themselves back out the door. I can't explain why I haven't done this, as I've done with so many other things. Other than AA works for me. I am attracted to this sober life. I want to keep it and to pass it on to those who want it.
I loved what alcohol did to me the very first time I tried it(the tinniest amount). Oh God....it felt so good I felt so at peace with the world and relaxed, my excrutiating shyness kind of left me - I will never forget that feeling ......but where that feeling and alcohol eventually took me.......well no need to explain that.
I don't know the exact time it turned into a nightmare but I never ever want to go back there. A day at a time, with the program and God's grace ...please God I never will.
I didnt know nothin bout my drinking problem until I got to AA. The doctors opinion explained it all very easily for me. Now I know its the phenominom of craving that sets in after the first drink, combined with the mental obsession and physical allergy that wont let me stop once I start.
Also, it took me a long , long, long time to realize that the reason I kept drinking even tho I wanted to stop is because I am an alcoholic. And, thats what alcoholics do .. they drink.
When I first started drinking it was so I wouldn't feel so shy and insecure, then because it was the thing to do, then because I was under a lot of stress etc..... As I got older the reason changed, but the outcome was always the same. In the end I didn't want it, but my body/brain needed it and I couldn't function without it. I really thought I would have no life or friends without alcohol. Reality is that I will have no life or friends WITH alcohol. AA has given me real friends and has given me a chance to mend mistakes from the past. Just one day at a time.